The Olympus Weekly Forum
by Mibs Shadow
Summary: This will contain summaries of articles from Olympus Weekly, the gods' magazine. Also, the gods will be commenting on and discussing the stories. Needless to say, this will not end well. Rated T just in case.
1. The First Article

**A/N - This is my second fanfiction. As the summary says, it is a collection of articles from ****_Olympus Weekly_****, the gods' newspaper. Or rather, so as not to bore you with the entire article, I will just write the summary for each article. I will also include the gods' comments. Hope you like it!**

_Olympus Weekly_'s New Forum: _Olympus Weekly_ will now be having a forum in which gods and demigods can discuss the latest article.

Athena: Well, Hephaestus, it was about time you did something like this, benefitting gods other than yourself.

Hephaestus: Excuse me, Athena, I _work_ to benefit people.

Poseidon: Sure you do. Like your automaton, Talos? He almost killed my son! And who would that have benefitted?

Ares: Everyone.

Poseidon: Oh, shut up, Ares.

Demeter: Yeah. I mean, the boy _only_ saved all of Olympus and the known world.

Percy Jackson: Is someone talking about me?

Ares: Yeah, we were talking about how _totally awesome_ it would have been if Talos had killed you.

Percy Jackson: Talos? You mean Hephaestus's evil automaton dude?

Hephaestus: Hey, he isn't _evil_! And it's not _his _fault you bothered him!

Ares: But it _is_ his fault he failed to kill Jackson.

Poseidon: Ares, I will _not_ tolerate you moping about my son's _survival_.

Dionysus: He's not the only one.

Poseidon: Dionysus, just...just stop it.

Dionysus: The brat took too many chances. He insulted the gods. He_ deserves_ to die.

Poseidon: How _dare_ you -

Ares: Yes, yes, fight!

Percy Jackson: You know, I'd like it if you people would stop discussing my death.

Ares: If you were already _dead_, we wouldn't be _wishing_ you had _died, _because you would already be _dead_, and everyone would be happy.

Poseidon: Ares, if you continue with this, I will -

Athena: Quit it, you guys. Now, back to the article. Isn't it just great that now we can have intellectual discussions about these current events?

Hermes: I_ hate_ to break it to you, but it's highly unlikely that these will be _intellectual_ conversations. I mean, I know my family.

Ares: Do you mean to say that we aren't smart?

Apollo: I have to agree with Ares.

Only the smartest

People can recite haikus

As awesome as mine

Artemis: In other words, the world is full of idiots.

Apollo: Ah, you're just jealous.

Artemis: Jealous of what? There aren't many things about you I'm jealous of.

Apollo: No, just my haikus. _And_ the fact that I'm older than you.

Artemis: Apollo, I swear -

Hephaestus: Get along, you two. This forum was made for - how did Athena put it? _Intellectual discussions_. Not for fighting.

Hermes: Again, I am the carrier of meaningless news. As I told Athena, there's no way it's ever going to happen.

Hephaestus: No way what's ever going to happen?

Hermes: *Sighs* Scroll up. Haha, _scroll _up. No, this is the Internet. _Anyways_, knowing my family, these won't end up being _intellectual_ discussions. I think Apollo and Artemis just gave us a hint at what they'll _really _be like.

Hephaestus: Such high hopes in my creations. Think positive.

Aphrodite: Yes, think positive! I'm trying to get some really cute pairings into these articles! You might even be in one! So exciting! :)

Hermes: Oh, joy. Just great.

Aphrodite: I just _knew _you'd be excited!

Hermes: I was being _sarcastic_, Aphrodite.

Artemis: Nobody but you likes articles like that.

Aphrodite: You just _had_ to ruin all the fun, didn't you, Artemis.

Artemis: The _fun? _

Ares: Yes, yes, fight!

Hermes: Oh, just great. I can already see where these _intellectual discussions _are heading.

**A/N - Thanks for reading! I'd like it if you guys gave me some ideas via review. I hope to post the next chapter sometime in the next few days.**


	2. Zeus Fires His Air Traffic Controller

**A/N - I'm back with another chapter. ****Now, for our second chapter: **

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Zeus Fires His Air Traffic Controller: Two days ago, due to a "final mistake", Lord Zeus fired his air traffic controller.

Hera: Zeus, you were as foolish as ever. You needed that man! He kept an eye on the air traffic for you, didn't he? What're you going to do without him?

Zeus: He _didn't_ watch the air traffic for me, Hera! That's why I fired him!

Hera: Well, what are you planning to do now?

Zeus: Hire another, more responsible one, of course! What else would I do?

Athena: He has a point.

Hera: Well, it was still a foolish move.

Zeus: I wasn't _foolish!_

Hera: Actually, you were.

Zeus: I am the lord of the skies! I am never _foolish!_

Hera: Well, it was not exactly _wise_, either. I mean, after what you did to him, who do you think will be eager to take the job?

Travis Stoll: Ooh, what'd he do to him?

Connor Stoll: Yeah, tell us!

Hermes: Travis? Connor? This..._topic_ is not meant for your ears.

Athena: I don't think that'll make them want to go away, Hermes.

Travis Stoll: And isn't this forum for gods _and _demigods?

Connor Stoll: It is! Our being here isn't even against the rules...

Hermes: Well, yeah...but I don't want you two hearing how Zeus likes to destroy those who displease him.

Connor Stoll: Aww, come on...

Travis Stoll: Tell us! Come on, tell us! We want to know!

Hermes: No. Absolutely not. Go away. Come back next week. Or better - _never_.

Travis Stoll: Aww, _fine..._

Connor: If we _have_ too...

Hermes: Yes, you have to! Now _go_!

Poseidon: Now that _that _issue was dealt with, I must give _my_ opinion: Hera was right. Zeus was foolish.

Zeus: Brother, I warn you, you do _not_ want to make me angry.

Poseidon: Well, you _were_ foolish.

Zeus: One more comment, and I'm going to get my master bolt.

Poseidon: All right, brother, no need to get touchy.

Zeus: I was _not_ foolish. Do you agree, Poseidon? Do you agree?

Poseidon: Well...

Zeus: _Do you agree?_

Poseidon: All right, all right. It was a very, _very_ smart move. No drawbacks. None. You're a genius.

Zeus: About time you admitted it.

Hermes: Now, Father Zeus, Uncle Poseidon, let's get back to the article. But first...hey, Travis, Connor, you guys still here?

Connor Stoll: No. We left, just like you asked us to.

Travis Stoll: Shush!

Hermes: Travis Stoll! Connor Stoll! _Didn't I tell you guys to leave?_

Travis Stoll: _See?_ I _told_ you not to write anything, Connor! I _told_ you! _Now _look where you've gotten us!

Connor Stoll: Sorry! I forgot! I'm ADHD, remember?

Travis Stoll: So am I! But did _I _get us caught?

Hermes: You're sons of mine! You should have known not to give up your disguises!

Travis Stoll: It's not _my_ fault! It's _his_ fault!

Connor Stoll: Well, you're _also_ writing right now!

Hermes: What's _important _is that I told you to leave, but you decided not to. Travis, Connor, I am officially _disappointed _in you_. _

Travis Stoll: It was _his_ fault, not _mine_!

Connor Stoll: It was _not_!

Hermes: Enough!I warn you, you _don't_ want to make me mad.

Travis Stoll: Hey, Connor, let's, um, go now. Okay?

Connor Stoll: Aww, _fine..._

Hermes: _Thank you_, Travis.

Apollo: Time for a haiku:

Travis, Connor Stoll

When Hermes asks them to leave

They do not obey

Hermes: You're not helping, Apollo.

Apollo: But wasn't my haiku good?

Artemis: No, it wasn't. Now, as Hera pointed out, after the old air control guy was fried to a crisp and cut into pieces that were scattered to the four winds, I don't think there'll be many takers for the job.

Connor Stoll: Burned to a crisp? Cut into pieces? _Awesome!_

Travis Stoll: _Connor!_

Hermes: Let's leave this topic. _Now._ And Travis, Connor, I'm going to ask Hephaestus to cut off your Internet connection. Bye.

Hephaestus: It's done.

Hermes: Good. Thanks. Now, I think this week's discussion is over. It's caused enough trouble.

Athena: Meeting adjourned, then.

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**A/N - That was a _lot_ longer than the last chapter. Hope you liked it! Oh, yeah, and I am in need of inspiration. I would really appreciate some suggestions. Thanks! I'll update on Wednesday, if I can.**


	3. Fanfiction Creates Pothena

**A/N - Here I am again, with another ridiculous chapter for this ridiculous fanfiction. ****So, please read and review. **

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Fanfiction Creates Pothena: is a mortal website where mortals write stories about characters and people they believe to be fictional. Several stories include a pairing known as "Pothena", which signals romance between Poseidon and Athena.

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Aphrodite: Ooh, Poseidon and Athena go _so well_ together! They are just _meant _for each other!

Athena: Wha- Pothena? Like, Poseidon and me? _Together?_

Aphrodite: Yes, yes! You and him, him and you...

Poseidon: Aphrodite, you - you _support_ this... this _crime?_

Artemis: Of course she does!

Aphrodite: Yes, that's right, I do, I do!

Artemis: See, she's crazy. I mean, she probably wrote this article about it, too.

Apollo: Haiku!

I bet Artemis

Didn't actually read it

'Cause she is a bore

Artemis: Hey, I _scanned_ it. I read enough to know it was terrible.

Aphrodite: _Excuse_ me! Pothena is _so_ not terrible!

Artemis: Actually, it is. And Apollo - it's not like you thoroughly read the article either, is it?

Apollo: I did _too_ read it! Haiku:

My favorite line was

"Their souls wish they could join and

Form one perfect whole"

Artemis: Ugh. Talk about mushy sentences.

Athena: Coming from the mouth of the unfortunate person forced into this scenario, I can say that Pothena is nonexistent, and a silly and horrible theory.

Poseidon: Oh, yes, it is! I pity _anyone _in a relationship with Athena!

Athena: _Excuse me?_

Annabeth Chase: Actually, _many_ men have loved Athena. How many women have fallen for _you_, Poseidon?

Poseidon: ghfgdfsfgh!

Hermes: Uh, what was that about?

Poseidon: Give me a sec.

Apollo: Another haiku...

Poseidon gets mad

He starts writing gibberish

For unknown reasons

Poseidon: uidccdwbjhjn!

Artemis: Umm...

Hermes: Poseidon, are you okay?

Poseidon: Yes. Yes. Yes. Quiet. Calm. Yes.

Hermes: Poseidon?

Poseidon: No, I'm fine. I'm sort of, you know, touchy, when it comes to, you know, that forbidden-to-have-demigod-children-with-women thing.

Hermes: Great job, Annabeth. You just _had_ to bring up that topic.

Poseidon: Yeah. It's all your fault. But wait, Apollo's haiku made it worse...

Artemis: See, Apollo, you're not helping anyone out.

Apollo: Too bad for you.

Artemis is so

Jealous of my haikus 'cause

They are so awesome

Artemis: Hey, Hephaestus, will you cut his Internet?

Hephaestus: Sorry, but actually, Apollo foresaw this, so he had me make a super-hard-to-break system. I _could_ cut the connection, but it would take even _me _a super long time.

Artemis: Arggh, Apollo, curse you and your sight!

Apollo: Jealousy, jealousy. Haha, haiku!

I can see future

It helps me plan ahead well

My sis is jealous

Artemis: _Jealous?_ Apollo, I am _so_ not -

Aphrodite: Now, back to Pothena!

Annabeth Chase: My mom will _never_ love Poseidon.

Athena: That's right.

Percy Jackson: Yeah, that would be terrible. I feel sorry for you, Dad.

Athena: You are just worried about your relationship with my daughter. Very selfish.

Annabeth Chase: Mom!

Percy Jackson: *Turns totally red* Bye. I'm leaving now.

Annabeth Chase: Fine. Miss all the fun, why don't you, Seaweed Brain.

Athena: There is no _fun_ here.

Annabeth Chase: I was being sarcastic.

Athena: Good.

Annabeth Chase: What, you don't think I'd actually...

Aphrodite: Pothena, back to Pothena! It was a wonderfully written article, don't you think?

Artemis: No.

Aphrodite: Hephaestus...my _wonderful husband_...will you cut Artemis's Internet?

Hephaestus: I'll consider it...I don't really want to get on Artemis's bad side, after that time she turned me into a jackalope last century...

Artemis: Yes, you don't want that to happen again, do you?

Hephaestus: I'd prefer not...

Aphrodite: _Please..._

Hermes: Let's end it for today, before _everyone_ loses their Internet connection.

Athena: Good. I agree.

Hephaestus: Yes. Spare me for another day, Artemis? That jackalope experience was awfully humiliating, you know.

Artemis: Just stay off my Internet.

Hephaestus: I will.

Artemis: Good. And I agree, let's finish this up, and see you all next week.

Athena: See you next week.

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**A/N - So, I have a couple of ideas from my totally awesome reviewer, Mikeyla, that may sustain me for another chapter or two. But kindly send me some inspiration through a review! That would be awesome!**

**I'll update as soon as I can, whenever that may be.**


	4. Fanfiction Creates Pertemis

**A/N - Wow, three follows? You guys made my day! So did my three**** reviewers.**

**I don't own PJO, I never have, and I never will. **

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Fanfiction, Mortal Website, Creates Pertemis: Along with Pothena, the mortals of have written about Pertemis: Percy Jackson and Artemis.

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Artemis: _What?_

Percy Jackson: Me and Artemis? Whoever wrote this article will regret it. I mean, isn't Artemis a virgin goddess?

Artemis: I am!

Aphrodite: You are not! Your true love has been revealed!

Artemis: Wait, _what_ is this article about?

Percy Jackson: Trust me, you don't want to know.

Apollo: Ha!

Artemis does love

Percy Jackson (demigod)

True love revealed

Artemis: Wait. Wait. _Whoa_, Apollo. What was that about?

Apollo: heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeloll ollollollollollololollololol olololololololololololol

Artemis should know

What we are talking about

Read the article

Hermes: Yes, yes, go on, _Artemis_. Or maybe that isn't the best idea -

Artemis: I _read_ the article. I just don't think I read it _right_.

Apollo: Oh, you read it right. You definitely did.

Percy Jackson: Unfortunately.

Artemis: _Who wrote this article?_

Aphrodite: That would be me. Beautiful and proud, baby.

Hermes: And quite foolish.

Percy Jackson: Yep.

Aphrodite: ? When was I foolish?

Hermes: Oh, forget I said anything.

Zeus: We should check on Artemis. Just, you know, to make sure she isn't, you know, trying to get back at Aphrodite.

Percy Jackson: Oh, she'll be trying to get revenge. I hope she does. I mean, _Pertemis_.

Aphrodite: Oh, that's sweet. I like the concern, but Artemis will neverkfdjgoirgjrfgh b gf!

Hephaestus: Artemis came through.

Thalia Grace: Of course she did.

Percy Jackson: Is Aphrodite a jackalope yet?

Aphrodite: I renounce my ways, I wish I was a jackalope, I admit thatdoanfvso - sorry, I admit that Pertemis is nonexistent and I was very foolish for ever assuminfdGVBQOF

Zeus: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Wh -

Hermes: Calm down, Zeus. Aphrodite...what was that about?

Aphrodite: Oh, Artemis thought she couldgnoigbnqsonog Pertemis is nonexistent, so is Pothena, I resignargcynifxmX THEY ARE TOTally awesome pairings and both are true andjCvnikvnNCSVN I WILL NEVER AGain write an article AND MAKE SURE I KEEP THIS PRomisednFLFBEOARTEMIS IS CRAZY GET HER AWay i didnt write any of thatbhyes I did and I really mean it -

Thalia Grace: You can get her! Go Artemis!

Percy Jackson: Umm, avenge us!

Artemis: Woohoo, Artemis is off her computer!

Hermes: Who is that, then?

Artemis: Ohhhh, hi dad - hi dad - thought we'd comment - but you cut off our Internet - no, that was Hephaestus - sorry, it was Hephaestus - but you told him to - yeah, you did.

Hermes: Travis? Connor? How are you getting onto her computer? Are you on Olympus?

Artemis: No, dad - Leo showed us how - awesome guy - totally awesome - still in our cabin - but on Artemis's account - gods have accounts? - Yes, and this is hers!

Leo Valdez: Team Leo for the win!

Hephaestus: Leo, you _do_ realize that you put Travis and Connor in unspeakable danger?

Leo Valdez: Oh, sorry guys. I guess Artemis is gonna kill you. Too bad. Hey dad, did you really cut their Internet connection?

Hephaestus: Hermes asked me to.

Artemis: My own dad! - Hey, mine too! - Yours too - could someone tell me - us - yeah, us, when Artemis comes back?

Hermes: She's coming back. Uh, I think that's her! That you, Artemis? Uh, yeah, she's coming, so you'd better clear out!

Artemis: k then - see ya - bye dad - off right now - ouch, that was my finger! - sorry, why were you on the exclamation mark? - I dunno, but watch it! - bye dad - yeah, bye.

Athena: You're such a bad liar.

Hermes: *warning look* I wasn't lying, she, uh, really is coming.

Hephaestus: Guys, they're off Artemis's account.

Hermes: *sighs with relief*

Athena: Artemis shouldn't have left her computer.

Artemis: Yeah, sorry about that.

Hermes: You're back!

Apollo: Yeah, great, you're back.

Artemis: Wow, Apollo, such enthusiasm. Nice to see you, too.

Hermes: *clears throat* So, Artemis, mind sharing your adventures with us?

Artemis: Which ones? The one with the Hephaestus jackalope?

Thalia Grace: That was awesome. Sorry, Lord Hephaestus.

Hephaestus: I'm fine as long as you _don't mention it!_

Artemis: Or perhaps you mean the time we fought that _Draco Aionius_.

Thalia Grace: Oh, you mean that giant lizard thing? Now _that_ was awesome.

Percy Jackson: That lizard attacked camp! Did you kill it? I hope so.

Thalia Grace: Yeah, we killed it.

Hermes: No, not whatever adventure you're talking about. I mean the whole taking-over-Aphrodite-and writing-as-her thing. You know. That.

Artemis: Oh, that. Well, she wrote that article, so I got back at her.

Hermes: And where is she now?

Artemis: Hmm, let's see. APHRODITE!

Athena: What'd you do to her? Because whatever it is - thanks.

Artemis: No problem. I simply knocked her out. It wasn't that hard, really. Well, she won't be bothering us anymore.

Hades: Good. She has serious problems.

Demeter: Hades! How _dare_ you show your face here!

Hades: What'd I ever do to you to deserve this greeting?

Demeter: PERSEPHONE. KIDNAPPING. UNDERWORLD. _BRIDE._ Remember now?

Hades: Oh, yeah, that. But that was, like, a few millennia ago!

Demeter: That's no excuse!

Ares: _And _you made Persephone stay half of the year, _and_ she still has to, _and_ you devastated both Demeter _and_ Persephone.

Demeter: Yeah! Wait, I'm actually agreeing with...wow. Never would have thought that was possible.

Athena: Amazing, isn't it, where the unchecked mind can travel.

Hermes: English, please.

Athena: That was _in_ English.

Hermes: Well, please translate it into English that we can actually _understand_.

Athena: You couldn't understand that?

Apollo: No. Duh. Of course we couldn't. We're not all total brainiacs like you, Athena.

Artemis: And my brother is especially dull.

Apollo: Dull?

Artemis: Yes, _dull_. Would you prefer _inexplicably unintelligent?_

Apollo: No, English is fine, thanks.

Artemis: Because both describe you perfectly.

Apollo: I know everything about the future, sis.

Artemis: And only about the future.

Apollo: Hey, I know lots of other stuff.

Artemis: Sure you do.

Ares: I hate to break up a fight, but I would like to bring our attention back to Pertemis, that awesomely accurate pairing.

Artemis: _Accurate?_

Percy Jackson: There is no Pertemis!

Athena: There is no Pertemis, nor is there a Pothena. Aphrodite is somewhere, oblivious to this, not bothering us. This is a great place to end it for today.

Hermes: Bye then.

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**A/N - I got sort of carried away there. Hope you liked it! Review, maybe? Thanks!**


	5. Fanfiction Creates HermesApollo

**A/N - Hi, I'm back! Happy spring equinox! (It was actually on Friday, but that doesn't matter.)**

**After the chaos of the last chapter, this discussion will be rather calm...or will it be?**

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Fanfiction, Mortal Website, Creates Hermes/Apollo: Unaware of the possible consequences of their actions, the mortals of have written about romance between Hermes and Apollo.

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Hermes: Wait. Something went wrong. Artemis, you said you disabled Aphrodite!

Artemis: I said I knocked her out. It doesn't last. Unfortunately.

Hermes: Very unfortunately. Well, will you knock her out again?

Artemis: I do not take orders from men.

Hermes: Did you not read that article? She wrote about...about...about me...me with..._Apollo..._

Aphrodite: I told you I'd find an article to put you in!

Hermes: Aphrodite, you...you...

Artemis: Lovesick weasel?

Hermes: Yes! Aphrodite, you're a lovesick weasel!

Ares: Heh. Aphrodite, lovesick weasel.

Aphrodite: Ares, not you _too_.

Ares: No, no. Not me. It's just hilarious. Lovesick weasel...*dies of laughter*

Aphrodite: There is no such thing as love_sick_. Love is healthy. _Very_ healthy. And I am _not_ a weasel.

Hermes: You are too!

Aphrodite: Am not!

Hermes: Are too!

Aphrodite: Am not!

Hermes: You wrote about..._me_ and _Apollo_. Like, _together_. That _so _makes you a weasel.

Aphrodite: Ares, kill this guy for me! He called me - the very representation of _beauty_ - a _weasel_.

Hermes: I'm immortal. So, unfortunately, are you. So yeah, you can't kill me. _Ares _can't kill me.

Aphrodite: You called me a _weasel!_

Martha: _Hermes, you called someone a weasel?_

George: _Yes, weasels! I like weasels! Yum! Tasty! Almost as good as rats!_

Martha: _You called someone a weasel, Hermes? Really?_

Hermes: Martha, did you read that article? It was about _me! _Like, _with Apollo!_

Apollo: Someone said Apollo?

Hermes said my name

Aphrodite wrote 'bout me

I am so famous

George: _Rats._

Apollo: Excuse me?

George: _Do you have any rats?_

Apollo: Rats? Why would I have rats?

George: _No rats? That's a shame. I mean, you being a Greek god and all._

Martha: _George, don't be rude._

Hermes: Apollo, did you read that...that article?

Apollo: Yep. Funny, wasn't it? I mean, Hermes/Apollo. Heh.

Hermes: Aphrodite is crazy.

Apollo: I know, right? She's a crazy weasel.

Aphrodite: Hephaestus, cut off their Internet connection.

Hephaestus: I didn't hear a _please_.

Aphrodite: Please?

Athena: Hold on, Hephaestus. You can't just cut them out when they're the very people featured in the article. And didn't you say you couldn't cut Apollo's Internet?

Hephaestus: She has a point.

Apollo: Heehee.

I see the future

You can't cut my Internet

'Cause I thought ahead

Zeus: I _can_ remove your, ah, _special sight_ if all it does is cause you to spout haikus.

Apollo: No, no, please don't!

Artemis: Please do. And, while you're at it, maybe remind him that I'm older.

Apollo: Wait! Lord Zeus, _this_ isn't a haiku! And Artemis, _I'm_ older!

Artemis: Actually, I am.

Thalia Grace: She's older.

Apollo: Thalia, _I'm_ older! Tell her that!

Thalia Grace: I don't lie to Lady Artemis.

Artemis: We all know I'm older. We're twins - but I'm older.

Zeus: She's older.

Artemis: See?

Apollo: Go away, Artemis.

Hermes: _I _say, go away, _Aphrodite_, you lovesick weasel.

Aphrodite: I am _not_ a weasel!

Hermes: And I am not currently in a romantic relationship with my half brother.

Aphrodite: I'm not a weasel.

Artemis: You're a weasel.

Apollo: Artemis, _you're_ the weasel.

Artemis: No, I'm your older sister.

Apollo: _I'm_ older!

Artemis: No, I am. And you're a weasel.

Apollo: I am not!

Artemis: You are too!

Apollo: Am not!

Artemis: Are too!

Apollo: Am not!

Artemis: Are too!

Demeter: Now, now, calm down. Eat some cereal.

Apollo: I don't like cereal. Demeter, you're a weasel.

Demeter: Hey!

Apollo: Weasel.

Demeter: I will make you eat cereal, I will!

Apollo: Wow, terrifying.

Demeter: Fear the cereal!

Apollo: Yeah, I'm shaking with fear.

Demeter: Here it is! Apollo, fear the cereal of destruction!

Apollo: You're a weasel.

Hades: Yeah, Demeter, you are.

Demeter: HADES! You _weasel!_ You took my daughter, forced her to stay with you, as your _bride!_ You are a _weasel_, Hades, that's what you are! A _weasel_!

Apollo: Hades, you're a weasel.

Hades: No, you are!

Apollo: No, you are!

Hermes: Aphrodite, you're a weasel!

Aphrodite: No, I'm not! Artemis doesn't believe in love! _She's_ a weasel!

Artemis: I am quite godly, thank you. Not a weasel.

Apollo: Artemis! You're a weasel!

Artemis: I'm a goddess, Apollo. _You're _the weasel.

Zeus: Poseidon, you're a weasel.

Poseidon: No, Zeus, you're a weasel. Not me.

Hades: Zeus, Poseidon, you both are weasels!

Zeus: Oh, really?

Poseidon: All of you, you're all weasels! I _dare_ all you weasels to meet me at Hebe's shrine. I _dare_ you. There I'm going to _prove_ to you that you're weasels.

Athena: Artemis, you shouldn't have made that first weasel comment. I mean, look at that stampede. Poor Hebe.

Artemis: Sorry. Well, look at them go. About time, too.

Athena: Well, what'd you expect?

Artemis: Good point. They're men, after all.

Athena: And none too intelligent.

Artemis: Right again.

Athena: Oh, I know.

Artemis: Hephaestus?

Hephaestus: Yeah?

Athena: I think it's time to close down the forum for today.

Hephaestus: Yeah. I agree. It looks like we're the only people still here, anyways. Bye. Argue with you soon.

* * *

**A/N - Who do you think is the _real _weasel?**


	6. Fanfiction Creates ApolloArtemis

**A/N - Hi! Happy Monday. Enjoy yourselves.**

**Cheers for my first favorite! And also, a big thank you to PianoPrincess for this idea.**

* * *

Fanfiction, Mortal Website, Creates Apollo/Artemis: The authors of have also written about the Apollo/Artemis pairing.

* * *

Artemis: APHRODITE! _First _you write about me with Percy Jackson, and _then_ you pair me with my own brother? _Apollo?_

Apollo: Oh, Hades, no.

Hades: However did my name become a curse?

Demeter: Since you kidnapped Persephone and hated on cereal!

Zeus: Since you betrayed Olympus!

Hades: I did _not_ betray Olympus! You two decided you didn't want me around, so you sent me down into the Underworld!

Poseidon: Where you rule.

Hades: So?

Poseidon: You _rule _the Underworld. It's not like you're trapped in Tartarus or anything like that.

Hades: That's no excuse! Zeus got the air, you got the sea, and what do _I _get? The place where mortals go when they die! Do you consider that fair?

Poseidon: Hephaestus, could you cut his Internet connection?

Hephaestus: Sure.

Hades: See? This is _proof_ that nobod

Poseidon: Oh, good, thanks. And look, it doesn't even insert that dash!

Demeter: Oh, thank you! About time that scumbag was sent away!

Hephaestus: It's only for today.

Demeter: A shame.

Hephaestus: Sorry, but I programmed every god's Internet so it automatically reboots after 24 hours.

Aphrodite: Off topic, off topic! Back to Apollo/Artemis. I think it's such a cute pairing, don't you?

Apollo: No.

I don't love my sis

We don't get along at all

So, we're not in love

Artemis: _Without_ the haiku, please. Aphrodite, you're absolutely _insane_ if you think this pairing will ever come into effect.

Apollo: It's even worse than me with Hermes. If that's possible...oh, it's definitely possible.

Artemis: Me and Percy Jackson was bad enough.

Aphrodite: But they're both so _cute!_ You and Percy? Anytime! You and Apollo? Even cuter!

Artemis: Hephaestus, could you cut her Internet?

Aphrodite: Oh, he won't do it to _me_, I'm his wi

Apollo: Score! Thanks!

Poseidon: Oh, good, she's off. Now, I think I prefer Artemis with Apollo to her with my son...

Artemis: You _like_ this pairing?

Poseidon: Oh, no, I only meant -

Artemis: Hephaestus, did you hear that?

Hephaestus: Yeah. I suppose you want me to cut him off, too?

Artemis: That would be awesome!

Poseidon: No, you misunderstood me! I meant that I _pref -_

Demeter: Hey, it's fine if you cut off Hades, but Poseidon didn't do anything!

Artemis: Oh, Hephaestus is my secret weapon!

Hephaestus: No, I'm not _your _secret weapon, Artemis. But note to all: if you say something I don't like, you're _off_.

Athena: That is not a wise way to keep order.

Zeus: No, it isn't good!

Hephaestus: Watch it, Zeus.

Zeus: Sorry, sorry.

Demeter: -.-

Zeus: What's that, Demeter?

Demeter: -.-

Hephaestus: Oh, I sometimes see that in random places. Not sure what it means. Some funny insert, I guess.

Demeter: -.-

Dionysus: That's weird. Weird. Where did you pick this up, Demeter?

Demeter: -.-

Dionysus: Point taken. You don't want to talk to us.

Demeter: -.-

Hera: She doesn't want to talk to us? How rude!

Hermes: Hera, high up as ever. _Annoying_ as ever, too. Hephaestus, will you?

Hera: I am the queen of Olympus! You don't dare

Hermes: Oh, I dare.

Hephaestus: That was fun. Master of technology here.

Apollo: Can you get Zeus, too? He was the one to set up this forum and allow articles to be written.

Zeus: Hey! I'm the god of Olympus, master of the sk

Athena: That was not wise, Apollo. You do not want him mad at you again, do you?

Apollo: Oh, I'm very wise. To suggest otherwise, _you_ were not. Get her, Hephaestus!

Athena: I am the goddess of wisdom, of _course_ I am wis

Demeter: -.-

Dionysus: Oh, stop it, Demeter.

Demeter: -.-

Dionysus: Stop that!

Hestia: This is disturbing the peace on Olympus! This whole _forum_ is! I do not approve. And I am merely stating my opinion, okay?

Hermes: I agree, honestly. Umm, actually, on a second thought, I don't...

Apollo: Get Hestia. She doesn't approve of my having this power.

Hermes: And there goes our peace maker.

Demeter: -.-

Hephaestus: How many of us are still here? Six?

Dionysus: There's me, Demeter, Hermes, you, Apollo, and...Artemis? Yeah, Artemis.

Demeter: -.-

Dionysus: That's getting on my nerves, Demeter.

Hephaestus: *Sighs*

Apollo: Yeah, mine, too. Hephaestus?

Hephaestus: I will, but _you're_ getting on _my_ nerves, Apollo.

Apollo: Hey, you can't jus

Artemis: Oh, good.

Hermes: Should I just be quiet here?

Dionysus: Yeah. He's touchy. If you talk at all, he'll

Hermes: Point taken. And proved.

Hephaestus: So, it's just me, Artemis, and you, Hermes.

Artemis: They went fast.

Hephaestus: Yep.

Hermes: *Sighs* Tyranny.

Hephaestus: Excuse me?

Hermes: The unjust use of government power. Tyranny, yeah.

Hephaestus: I'm not a tyrant.

Hermes: *Pales* No, of course you're not. I didn

Hephaestus: That weasel.

Artemis: The biggest weasel is Aphrodite. Her or Apollo.

Hephaestus: Well, Hermes called me a tyrant. That weasel.

Artemis: They're all weasels. All men are.

Hephaestus: Well, Artemis, you know I don't want to become a jackalope again, so I can't very well cut your Internet connection. So, I think we should just shut down for now.

Artemis: Agreed. And one more thing, Hephaestus. Let's not do that next week.

* * *

**A/N - So, people liked the weasel thing from the last chapter. Maybe this won't compare, but I hope you guys liked this, too.**

**One more thing: Inspiration is _really_ needed here. I would be _so _grateful if you guys would send in some suggestions via review. Thank you!**


	7. Percabeth

**A/N - Hello again, demigods/mortals/gods/monsters/random-people-who-don't-know-which-of-the-previously-stated-categories-they-belong-in.**

**Xandora: Thanks for the ideas! If you have any more, please tell me, that would be awesome!**

**Guest: I agree with Hermes, too. And yeah, it was Connor's fault. Hephaestus must've really gotten Artemis mad. I hate fics where Artemis falls in love, too. Yeah, Aphrodite's a weasel. And I know, wouldn't it benefit everyone if the gods were permanently cut off from the Internet?**

**esmeraldaannabethrose: I'm glad you like them.**

**A big thank you to SkyGirl68 for this idea. There will be a day in the future where I will have a complete writer's block. SkyGirl68, Xandora, Mikeyla, you have postponed this day with your awesome suggestions.**

* * *

Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase are Dating: Ever since the Titans were defeated for the second time, Percy Jackson, demigod son of Poseidon, and Annabeth Chase, demigod daughter of Athena, have been dating.

* * *

Hermes: Would this be that thing they call Percabeth?

Aphrodite: Yes, it is!

Athena: I disapprove of my daughter being with that boy.

Poseidon: Well, fine then. I disapprove of _my_ son being with _your_ daughter.

Athena: Oh, so you think he's better than, _smarter _than, Annabeth?

Poseidon: Did your daughter save Olympus?

Athena: Yes, she did.

Poseidon: Oh, really? Did _she_ make the choice that saved Olympus?

Athena: _She_ knew better than to give a weapon to an enemy. Your son, however, thought it would be _perfectly fine_ to do that.

Poseidon: Well, still, it was the choice that saved Olympus.

Athena: Well, then it was his stupidity that saved Olympus. That is not the kind of person I want Annabeth to be with.

Annabeth Chase: He's actually not that stupid. Just a bit slow, you know.

Percy Jackson: Did you just call me _slow_?

Annabeth Chase: Yeah, I did.

Percy Jackson: Well, not everyone is like _you_, Annabeth.

Aphrodite: Aww, sweet! ;) *Sniff sniff*

Artemis: Look at her. Look at Aphrodite. I mean, she's crying over _that_. Pathetic.

Aphrodite: I get teary at times, okay?

Artemis: Yeah, but because of _that_.

Aphrodite: Artemis, I'm warning you.

Artemis: Oh, I'm _so scared_.

Hermes: *snorts*

Aphrodite: I'm serious, Artemis, I'll...I'll give you a _manicure_.

Artemis: You dare? I'll turn you into a jackalope and send you into the mud.

Aphrodite: All because of a manicure? Wow, Artemis.

Artemis: Well, unlike _you_, _I'm_ not obsessed with those ridiculous things.

Aphrodite: They're so _pretty_! I appreciate them. _You_, however, fail to see the benefits they bring.

Artemis: Oh, sure. The _benefits._

Apollo: Seriously, you two.

They fight quite a lot

Aphrodite, Artemis

They are both weasels

Artemis: _She's_ a weasel, Apollo. So are you.

Aphrodite: No, Artemis, _you're_ the weasel here.

Athena: Stop it, guys. Now, how did our conversation stray from Percabeth to weasels?

Aphrodite: You're right. Now, Percabeth. The cute demigod pairing, right?

Percy Jackson: The _cute demigod pairing?_

Aphrodite: Oh, yes, I remember now. Percabeth. Oh, I remember when Annabeth was captured, and I went to see Percy, and I revealed his true feelings to him...

Percy Jackson: I remember that. You tried to distract me.

Aphrodite: No, no, I didn't.

Zoë Nightshade: You did, Aphrodite. The goal of the quest was to rescue Artemis. You clouded his brain with thy nonsense.

Aphrodite: I don't speak _nonsense_.

Zoë Nightshade: You did. You made him believe that the goal of the quest was to save Annabeth.

Annabeth Chase: It's better to save a goddess than to save a demigod.

Zoë Nightshade: Yes. Her life was more important than thine. Do not take offense.

Percy Jackson: Annabeth may not be a goddess, but her life was still worth saving.

Aphrodite: Aww, that was so cute I'm gonna cry!

Artemis: Oh, wow.

Hermes: Wait. Zoë isn't a demigod. Why is she on this? And she's _dead_.

Hephaestus: I think it's because of her close ties with Artemis. I suppose that anyone with links to the gods can access this. And, I didn't want to discriminate by, um, _form of existence. _

Hermes: If you say so.

Apollo: That's material for a haiku!

This is accessed by

People who are close to gods

Both alive and dead

Artemis: I hate it. _Especially_ the second line. You worded it badly.

Apollo: Come on, little sis, it wasn't _that_ bad.

Artemis: _I'm_ older! And of _course_ it was bad!

Zeus: Let's not bicker. Now, about Percabeth - I really have no opinion.

Athena: Well, I do. Annabeth, you should leave that boy. He's nothing but trouble.

Percy Jackson: Hey!

Annabeth Chase: Mom, I can decide for myself.

Athena: Fine. Well, be wise.

Annabeth Chase: Of course.

Percy Jackson: Um, Annabeth, would that mean _not me_?

Annabeth Chase: Don't be ridiculous, Seaweed Brain.

Percy Jackson: Oh, good.

Poseidon: Fine, Percy, but don't expect me to gossip about it with Athena.

Athena: Yes, he doesn't like people who are more intelligent than he.

Poseidon: Well, we all know I'm way cooler than you.

Athena: Whatever. I'm smarter.

Annabeth Chase: Take that, Percy.

Percy Jackson: Whatever, Wise Girl.

Annabeth Chase: Seaweed Brain.

Percy Jackson: Wise Girl.

Annabeth Chase: _Seaweed Brain_.

Percy Jackson: _Wise Girl_.

Annabeth Chase: Φύκη Εγκεφάλου **(Seaweed Brain)**

Percy Jackson: Φρόνιμο Κορίτσι **(Wise Girl)**

Annabeth Chase: Αργή διαρροή εγκεφάλων **(Slow Brain)**

Percy Jackson: Ναρκομανής Βιβλίου **(Book Addict)**

Annabeth Chase: γριά **(Old Lady)**

Percy Jackson: Πρόγονος ηλικίας **(Old Grandpa)**

Annabeth Chase: Νερό κεφαλής **(Water Head)**

Athena: Quit it. Do we _all_ revert to Ancient Greek when we get annoyed?

Hermes: Sometimes, probably.

Percy Jackson: I generally stick to English, but Annabeth sometimes pushes me over the top.

Annabeth Chase: Why, thank you.

Percy Jackson: That wasn't a compliment.

Hephaestus: Any other incoming points or arguments?

Hermes: Not from me.

Zeus: No. Why don't you conclude it before it gets, ah, violent?

Hephaestus: Or before more people start raving in Ancient Greek. Sure. That can wait until next week. Bye.

* * *

**A/N - I hope you liked this chapter. If you guys want, I can do more arguments in Ancient Greek.**

**So, I won't be updating for about a week. After that, I'll be busy again, so updates may be less frequent. See you then.**


	8. Hera Dislikes the Redesigned Olympus

**A/N - Hello again, everyone. **

**SkyGirl68: That would be awesome. Thanks!**

**PianoPrincess: I think the weasel thing is sort of an ongoing joke.**

**Thank you to Xandora for this idea.**

* * *

Hera Dislikes the Redesigned Olympus: Hera, Queen of Olympus, looks down upon the changes made to Olympus by Annabeth Chase, demigod daughter of Athena.

* * *

Athena: Hera, would you prefer that Olympus stay in ruins?

Hera: It was not in _ruins_. It wasn't what it used to be, but it wasn't in _ruins_.

Hephaestus: It was, actually. Did you see my throne?

Zeus: And mine!

Athena: Everyone's throne, really. And that wasn't all.

Hera: Fine. But why not choose a _decent_ architect to redesign it?

Annabeth Chase: Hera, come on. I even made space for some shrines and statues for _you_. I didn't have to do that.

Hera: Athena has about three times as many as me!

Athena: As I.

Hera: What?

Athena: She has about three times as many as _I_. Not as_ me_.

Hera: I don't care!

Athena: You should.

Hera: Well, I don't.

Poseidon: Athena, _no one_ cares. And about the new designs - I, um, like it. A bit. Just a bit.

Annabeth Chase: Thanks.

Ares: Ooh, did you see that awesome statue of me, holding that huge sword, killing that huge thing?

Annabeth Chase: You mean the giant?

Ares: Yeah! That was _awesome_. Do ten more just like it. No, that's not enough. Twenty more!

Annabeth Chase: Uh, if I can.

Ares: You'd better be able to, punk. Otherwise...

Annabeth Chase: Well, maybe not twenty. But I'll add some more, if I can.

Ares: Twenty. You'd better be able to make it twenty.

Annabeth Chase: I'll do what I can.

Percy Jackson: Don't. He doesn't deserve twenty statues. One Ares is enough.

Annabeth Chase: Um, I sort of have to. And if I did twenty more, he'd have twenty-_one_, not twenty.

Percy Jackson: Yeah. Whatever.

Aphrodite: And remember, more statues of me! You can't forget me!

Apollo: Me, too. Like, me in my big, awesome sports car.

Hermes: And maybe one of me? Maybe?

George: _Oh, yes, and include me, too. Eating a rat. Don't forget the rat. Rats are delicious._

Martha: _George, don't bother her. _

George: _I will if she forgets the rats._

Hermes: Stop it, George.

George: _But the rats..._

Hermes: Fine. I'll give you a rat later. _If_ you stop complaining.

George: _Yes. Rats. Rats are delicious._

Hermes: Good. But, you know, one more statue would be nice. Right next to my biggest temple?

Zeus: Another temple for me! I deserve another, I'm the Lord of the Sky!

Poseidon: Hey, that last statue of me needs more horses! I have more than four horses at my command!

Athena: She gets the point, everyone! She's working hard. She's trying to satisfy you all, but you're making it quite hard!

Hera: Yeah, everyone, she can't handle hard work, so be very soft and go easy on her. Don't want her to start crying, do you?

Percy Jackson: Shut _up_, Hera!

Annabeth Chase: Hera, if you weren't immortal...

Hera: And she's unstable, too, see?

Athena: _Unstable_ may not be the most accurate word for this, Hera.

Hephaestus: Yeah. And Hera, that word also describes you.

Hera: Oh yeah?

Hephaestus: I'm crippled. It's _proof_ that you're unstable.

Hera: Well, being crippled, you're _literally_ unstable.

Hephaestus: Because of you. You spread it.

Hera: Oh, so you admit it.

Hephaestus: Well, in _my_ case, it's physical, not mental.

Hera: Έχετε άσχημη προβληματικό σιδερά **(You ugly, crippled blacksmith)**

Hephaestus: Έχετε ασταθή θεά. **(You unstable goddess)**

Annabeth Chase: I agree with Hephaestus.

Hera: Demon child!

Athena: Calm down, Hera.

Hera: She ruined Olympus!

Athena: Olympus was ruined. Now it isn't.

Hera: She's a terrible architect.

Percy Jackson: She's an awesome architect. Just look at Olympus! And she gave you more statues and shrines than you deserve.

Hera: Three! Only three! I deserve more!

Thalia Grace: You don't.

Hera: I do!

Thalia Grace: Your statue fell on me.

Hera: Not my fault!

Thalia Grace: You sent cows after Annabeth.

Hera: She asked for it!

Thalia Grace: I think she gave you more than you deserve.

Percy Jackson: That fact was established a while ago.

Thalia Grace: Whatever, Seaweed Brain. I needed to say it.

Artemis: And she's right. Annabeth, you did a good job redesigning Olympus.

Annabeth Chase: Thanks.

Athena: She did an excellent job.

Hades: She actually gave me a _statue_. A _statue_. On _Olympus._ Like, a _real statue. _Of _me._

Annabeth Chase: I noticed there wasn't one before.

Hades: There wasn't. There never was. But now I have a...a _statue._ A _real statue_. And it doesn't have Persephone in it!

Demeter: A good thing, too. I'm tired of seeing her with you. Persephone, _why_ did you have to eat that pomegranate?

Persephone: I didn't eat it _all_!

Demeter: Half of it! Now you're stuck with Hades!

Persephone: Sorry.

Athena: I really like the new Olympus.

Poseidon: You've said that already.

Athena: Because I _really_ like it.

Poseidon: It would be better if I had more horses. Six, maybe.

Annabeth Chase: I'll change the blueprints. They'll get it done in a month at the most.

Poseidon: Good. And maybe make my trident bigger.

Annabeth Chase: Good. I'll do that right now.

Hera: I'm _leaving_. I'm _tired_ of listening to everyone talk about how _great_ Olympus now is.

Athena: And there go today's stars.

Artemis: Stars?

Athena: Main people. You know.

Artemis: Yeah. Should we close this down now?

Athena: Makes sense.

Hephaestus: Today was calmer.

Athena: A bit.

Hephaestus: I suppose it can't stay.

Athena: It won't.

Hephaestus: I wish it did.

Artemis: It won't. There's no chance.

Hephaestus: Probably not.

Athena: Just shut the forum down for the week, Hephaestus.

Hephaestus: Right. Sorry. See you.

* * *

**A/N - So, what did everyone think of this chapter? **

**If people could send in some more ideas, that would be ****_totally awesome._**** Thank you!**


	9. Zeus Threatens to Overload Computers

**A/N - Hello everyone. Just thought I should remind you that I don't own Percy Jackson and the Olympians. I'm not Rick Riordan. (*Gasps* Really?) Yeah, you already knew that.**

**SkyGirl68: Yeah, I should have...Well, I think it goes without saying.**

**Mikeyla: No, they really don't. And yeah, Hera is annoying. **

**Thalia's tree: I'm glad you like it. I'll read your next chapter when I can.**

**Xandora: I use every idea I get. Here's another. Thank you, it was really helpful.**

**So, this is another awesome idea of Xandora's. **

* * *

Zeus Threatens to Overload the World's Computers: Furious at being cut off from the Internet three weeks ago, Zeus has threatened to overload all the computers in the world with electricity the next time Hephaestus threatens to cut his Internet connection.

* * *

Zeus: And I will. I am the _supreme_ god. I am the Lord of the Sky. I will not be denied Internet access.

Hera: We were _all_ cut off thanks to that crippled blacksmith.

Hephaestus: That crippled blacksmith who created this forum.

Hermes: The forum that has been nothing but a place to argue and form more rivalries.

Hephaestus: Well, I made Hephaestus TV.

Hermes: Well, yeah. But now it's all reality shows and such.

Zeus: Is it? Oh, I don't care. Hephaestus, do you recognize my threat?

Hephaestus: What threat?

Zeus: Read the article. I wrote it so you would read it, and you didn't.

Hephaestus: Oh, the article?

Zeus: _Yes_, the article.

Hephaestus: Which article?

Zeus: The most recent one!

Hephaestus: Like, from this week's edition?

Zeus: _Yes!_

Hephaestus: Which one? This week's edition has, like, ten articles.

Athena: Think, Hephaestus.

Hephaestus: What?

Athena: We only discuss one each week.

Hephaestus: What's your point?

Athena: Here, we're discussing one. _One_. So, it's most likely _this_ article he's talking about.

Aphrodite: A shame. I liked the one about the new perfume sales.

Lacy: *Squeals*

Aphrodite: Ooh, Lacy, did you read it?

Lacy: I did! Took me forever, being dyslexic, but I can't just, like, not read an article about perfume, can I?

Aphrodite: Which was your favorite?

Lacy: Parfum doux de romarin!

Aphrodite: Oh, the rosemary?

Lacy: Yes, the rosemary!

Aphrodite: I know, it smelled fantastic!

Athena: Um, guys, we're here to discuss "Zeus Threatens to Overload the World's Computer", not "The Latest Perfumes of Olympus".

Hermes: Yeah. There's a reason they chose this article for discussion, not one that nearly no one's interested in.

Aphrodite: But it was such a good article!

Poseidon: I notice you only say that for articles that you write.

Aphrodite: I didn't write it _all._ That demigod who lives by the ambrosia sellers helped me.

Hermes: Oh, I know that one. She's the one who was granted immortality last century?

Aphrodite: You know her? Oh, she'll have a good influence on you, Hermes!

Hermes: No chance of that.

Aphrodite: Oh, give her a chance.

Hermes: She pesters me several times a day, asking me to carry messages to her mortal great-great-great-nephew.

Aphrodite: She has a...

Hermes: Yeah. Her mortal brother's great...um, his great...his _descendant_. I've been carrying messages to the family for the last century.

Athena: Um, guys, how did we get from the topic of Zeus overloading the computers to the family of this demigod?

Zeus: Yeah, we're _extremely_ off of topic. So, Hephaestus.

Hephaestus: *Sighs* Yes?

Zeus: Do you understand what I'll do if you cut my Internet connection?

Hephaestus: No, what'll you do?

Zeus: _Read the article!_

Hephaestus: What article?

Zeus: Οι Άδη! **(By Hades!)** We already discussed this!

Hades: Someone called me?

Zeus: No, I was _cursing_.

Hades: Oh, it's you.

Zeus: Yeah. Got a problem with that?

Hades: Well, yeah. And I wish people wouldn't use my name as a curse. I mean, would you like to have to listen to people yelling "Oh, _Zeus_!" whenever anything went wrong?

Zeus: Uh...

Hades: I thought not.

Zeus: Go away.

Hades: I'm away. I'm in the Underworld. It's about as far away as you can get.

Zeus: It's not far enough away.

Hades: Well, at least I don't have to listen to you ranting every day.

Zeus: Μεταβείτε στον Άδη! **(Go to Hades!)**

Poseidon: Um, you do realize he _is_ Hades? And he's _in_ Hades.

Zeus: I know that, Poseidon!

Poseidon: Clearly not. I'd think the Lord of the Skies would be considerably intelligent, but clearly not...

Zeus: Μαζί μας ο πατέρας της παραμένει! **(Join our father's remains!)**

Poseidon: Oh, really? Πνίγηκαν στη θάλασσα! **(Drown in the sea!)**

Zeus: Θα πέσει από τον Όλυμπο! **(Fall off Olympus!)**

Poseidon: Είστε ένα τρομερό ηγεμόνα. **(You're a terrible ruler.)**

Percy Jackson: Seriously? I come here just to hear _this_?

Hephaestus: Yeah, he's right. We should close this down before it gets violent.

Zeus: Fine. But _only_ if you acknowledge the article.

Hephaestus: Fine. I won't cut off your Internet. Happy now?

Zeus: Oh, so _now_ you know what I'm talking about.

Hephaestus: Well, yeah. Should I close it down now?

Athena: I say you should.

Ares: *Snickers* You need her permission?

Hephaestus: Shut up, Ares.

Athena: Hephaestus, he _wants_ you to get mad. Just shut it down.

Hephaestus: Just one more thing: Zeus, calm down.

* * *

**A/N - Please review and tell me what you think. Also, it would be awesome if you guys could send in some more ideas. Your previous ones have been great. Thank you!**


	10. Apollo Enters a Poetry Competition

**A/N - Hello everyone, I'm back again...in ****_desperate need of ideas._**** Just thought I should mention that.**

**WARNING: Do not read if you suffer from reallybadhaikuaphobia (the fear of haikus written by Apollo.)**

* * *

Apollo Enters a Poetry Competition: Apollo, god of poetry, has entered a mortal poetry competition.

* * *

Artemis: Oh, no.

Apollo: Oh _yes_, little sis.

Man, I like haikus

They are the best poetry

They are so awesome

Artemis: You _can't_ be serious, Apollo.

Apollo: Can you guess what kind of poem I'm going to be doing? Can you? I dare you to guess!

Artemis: Gee, let me think. Oh, I know! You're doing a haiku! Surprise, surprise.

Apollo: Wow. *Scratches chin* Was it really that obvious?

Artemis: Yeah, it was.

Apollo: Really?

What gave it away?

Really, was it obvious?

I do not think so

Athena: You've been spouting haikus for the last century or so.

Artemis: Really, really bad haikus.

Athena: Yeah. _And_, you _just _did one. Two, now.

Apollo: Yeah, but surely it wasn't _that_ obvious.

Artemis: It was. But nobody ever expected much from you, brother, so it doesn't really matter.

Apollo: Hey!

Artemis: It's true. There's a reason you're the god of wisdom.

Zeus: However much I agree, Artemis, I think that this article was not chosen for discussion so you could make fun of Apollo.

Percy Jackson: Wow, you sound like an adult reprimanding little kids.

Zeus: Jackson...shut up before I give you a taste of my master bolt.

Artemis: You'd better watch it, boy, or I'll turn you into a jackalope.

Hephaestus: Which you do not want.

Percy Jackson: Sorry, sorry! And...wait, Hephaestus, you've been turned into a jackalope?

Hephaestus: Um, yeah, I have...

Percy Jackson: Uh...okay.

Ares: You see, you should have killed him while you had the chance, Mars.

Zeus: Mars?

Ares: At Camp Jupiter.

Zeus: _What?_

Ares: Oh, I suppose it makes sense that I know more about his comings and goings, even though you're Zeus...

Zeus: What are you talking about?

Ares: *Sighs* Mars. _Mars._ Know who I mean?

Zeus: Oh. Oh.

Ares: He's not here right now. He's overseeing that little demigod fight at Camp Jupiter.

Zeus: I wish it was Camp _Zeus_.

Athena: They're Roman, so no. And unfortunately, the Romans _are_ out there.

Zeus: Yeah. I _hated _having split personalities. I'm glad we're separated from those Romans.

Athena: For _now_ we are. Sooner or later, we will come together again. It is inevitable.

Zeus: Thanks for those positive words, Athena.

Athena: I'm a realist. I don't ignore threats.

Apollo: Just practicing here, okay?

Those Romans are cool

They too call me Apollo

But no haikus there

Artemis: A pathetic attempt at a haiku.

Apollo: That's mean.

It was mostly good

Maybe the third line was bad

You can do better?

Artemis: Well, I don't pretend to be good at them.

Apollo, you're bad

Haikus, wisdom, so much more

Some poetry god

Athena: Well, it was better than his.

Zeus: Yeah, it was.

Hermes: Hehe, I like the last line. And I agree.

Hephaestus: Definitely better than his.

Ares: Yeah. Whatever.

Poseidon: Because Athena doesn't like Apollo's, I think it's better.

Demeter: Artemis's is better.

Athena: So, six people prefer Artemis's haiku, and one prefers Apollo's.

Apollo: Aw, come _on_...

Poseidon is cool

Because he likes my haiku

But I am cooler

Artemis: I could compose another haiku, but I'm going to just say what we're all thinking: that was a _really bad_ haiku.

Poseidon: It was good, but the last line...

Apollo: Is true.

Poseidon: Is a _lie_.

Apollo: It's the truth, Poseidon.

Poseidon: If today's opposite day, then yeah.

Apollo: Όχι έτσι, ψάρια λόρδος **(Not so, fish lord)**

Poseidon: Ψάρια λόρδος? Είστε μια ποίηση έκτρωμα **(Fish lord? You're a poetry freak)**

Apollo: Whatever.

Ποσειδών, ο λόρδος ψαριών **(Poseidon, fish lord)**

Κάλεσε εμένα μια ποίηση έκτρωμα **(Called me a poetry freak)**

Ο ίδιος δεν είναι εκπληκτική **(He is not awesome)**

Percy Jackson: Um, guys, all this Ancient Greek is making my head hurt. Can we stick to English?

Athena: You're a demigod. You can understand Ancient Greek.

Percy Jackson: Even with the auto translate thing in my head it gives me headache.

Apollo: Hmm. Thinking, thinking...

Most demigods can

Understand Ancient Greek but

Percy Jackson can't.

Percy Jackson: I can understand it, Apollo.

Apollo: But you just said...

Percy Jackson: I said it gives me a headache.

Apollo: Fine.

Percy Jackson can

Understand Ancient Greek but

It gives him a headache

Artemis: The last line was six syllables.

Apollo: Was it? It-gives-him-a-head-ache. Yeah, it is...I've got it! It gives him _headaches_. Ah, yes, good. I think I'll win.

Hermes: Yeah, like you won't do something if you don't.

Apollo: Good point.

If I do not win

My next poetry contest

I'll get super mad.

Hermes: Of course you will.

Artemis: Yeah. Men are _so_ unreasonable.

Apollo: Hey, you turn men into jackalopes at will!

Hephaestus: *Shudders*

Artemis: They always ask for it.

Apollo: They do?

Why would someone want

To become a jackalope

That would be so wierd.

Athena: Apollo, "weird" is spelled w-e-i-r-d, not w-i-e-r-d.

Apollo: What?

Athena: The "I" comes before the "E".

Apollo: Wait, I thought it was always I before E, but not after C. And W isn't C.

Athena: *Sighs* "Weird" is an exception.

Apollo: Um...okay.

I comes before E

Except after W

Weird's an exception

Athena: _No_, you thick-headed idiot. I comes before E, but not after C, and "weird" is an exception to _that_ rule.

Apollo: Oh, I get it now.

I comes before C

Except after E

Weird follows this rule

Athena: _No_!

Apollo: Oh, wait, it's...oh, I give up, I don't care.

Hermes: Okay, Hephaestus, can we end this before we have to hear any more haikus?

Hephaestus: Yeah, good idea. Good luck on your poetry contest thing, Apollo, and cool off by next week.

* * *

**A/N - I hope everyone liked this chapter. ****So, any ideas would be greatly appreciated. Anything that comes to mind, any random related thought. Thank you!**


	11. Apollo Loses His Poetry Contest

**A/N - Sorry for the late update. I had hoped to update on Sunday, and I wrote this yesterday, but I was too busy to post it. I want to say thank you to the 5 people who favorited my story, my 10 followers, and my 13 individual reviewers. **

**So, please read and review.**

* * *

Apollo Loses his Poetry Contest: Apollo got last place in his poetry contest last week, and swears to get revenge on the judge.

* * *

Apollo: I'm the god of poetry! How did I get _last place? _

Artemis: What was your poem?

Apollo: It was _great_!

I'm great at haikus

I've liked them for centuries

I will win this thing

Artemis: Wow, Apollo. _Terrible _haiku. And the judge is a _mortal_. What do you think he thought when you said you'd liked them for _centuries_?

Apollo: Um...

Athena: I'm not surprised you lost.

Apollo: It wasn't my fault!

Artemis: Oh, who's fault was it?

Apollo: It was Apollo's!

Artemis: Of course it was. It was your fault, and nobody else's.

Apollo: No! Apollo got 1st place! And he messed with my mind!

Hermes: Um...didn't you say you lost?

Apollo: No! The _Roman_ Apollo won!

Apollo: Of _course_ I won.

Apollo: Excuse me?

Apollo: I do _decent_ poems, not that haiku rubbish.

Apollo: _Haiku rubbish?_

Apollo: _I_ did a limerick. A _good_ poem.

Percy Jackson: Uh, didn't the Romans, like, hate poetry and other arts?

Apollo: We didn't _hate _them, we were just not as _in love_ with them as you Greeks.

Percy Jackson: Um, but didn't you have, like, other responsibilities?

Apollo: I drove the sun. But that doesn't mean I can't win a poetry contest now and then, _does it_?

Percy Jackson: No. No, of course not.

Apollo: So, that haiku-crazed Greek god recited some lame haiku, and I blasted him out of the water.

Apollo: With a _lame limerick._

Artemis: The limerick was probably better than one of the ones you recited a couple of centuries ago.

Apollo: Oh, it definitely was. That fool can't recite a poem to save his life.

Hermes: Wait, Apollo, if you're Roman, how did you get on this?

Apollo: _Graecus_, you made this forum accessible to _any_ god or demigod.

Hephaestus: I did, but that wasn't an invitation for a _Roman_ to come.

Apollo: We will topple your empire - oh, wait, _you_ _never had one_.

Hephaestus: We were still strong.

Apollo: Not as strong as us, _graecus_. Once we defeat Gaea, we will destroy _you_.

Zeus: You will _not_.

Apollo: We will. Expect us soon.

Zeus: You won't bring us down.

Poseidon: You won't.

Zeus: Fear us, Romans! You will never prevail!

Poseidon: Apollo?

Apollo: I will turn that judge into the weasel he is.

Hermes: Um, which Apollo is that?

Apollo: Me. I'm Greek. _This_ Apollo.

Hermes: Good. Um, and was that just you fooling around, or was it...was it actually the _Roman_ Apollo?

Hephaestus: There were two users signing as Apollo.

Hermes: Oh, great. Now we have to worry about the Romans infiltrating this forum. Our lives, too. Can you do something to keep them off this forum, Hephaestus?

Hephaestus: Not really. The damage has been done. Sorry.

Apollo: I will _kill_ him.

Hermes: Who? Apollo?

Artemis: Yourself?

Apollo: No! The judge!

Artemis: Oh. *Yawns* Yeah, the judge.

Apollo: He said...he said...he said that...

Athena: Wasn't there more than one judge?

Apollo: Yeah, but there was a head judge. And he gave me _last place_. Me, the god of poetry...

Artemis: The god of _really bad_ poetry.

Percy Jackson: I agree.

Artemis: No, you don't agree with me. I'm fine with anyone agreeing with me, as long as they're _female_.

Percy Jackson: Hey, it's not like I can control my gender.

Apollo: You're both _waaaaaay_ wrong. I'm the god of _totally awesome_ poems.

Artemis: Sure. Whatever.

Apollo: Here's proof:

My haikus are so

Great, they are awesome

Because I'm so cool

Artemis: Can I vote against that?

Athena: Me too.

Artemis: I know, right? His haikus aren't good, neither is he...

Apollo: You're both so - *sniff sniff* - mean. Just _mean_.

Artemis: _Honest_ works, too.

Athena: It does.

Apollo: Can I insert a word there, Athena? The word is _not_.

Hermes: The word isn't what?

Apollo: The word I want to add to her sentence is _not_.

Hermes: Isn't _what_?

Apollo: It isn't the word I want to add? I don't know, maybe the word _isn't_, but it _is_ because I _said_ it was in my haiku, but wait, I _didn't_, I said it was _it_, but _that_ doesn't make any sense...

Hermes: What the Hades?

Hades: Oh _Zeus_, they called me again. Oh _Zeus_, they keep calling my name. Oh _Zeus_, the people woven into my underwear keep complaining about the smell.

Percy Jackson: _What?_

Hades: Oh _Zeus_, demigods are polluting this forum.

Hermes: Um...

Apollo: Hi, Hades! I like this trend! Oh Zeus! Oh Zeus!

Zeus: _Yes?_

Apollo: Nothing.

Zeus: Bye.

Apollo: Bye! Oh Zeus, he's leaving!

Artemis: Shut up, Apollo.

Apollo: Oh grumpy sister!

Artemis: Shut up before I _make _you. Uh, before I _make_ you shut up.

Apollo: Yeah, yeah...

Hades: Oh, I see today's topic. What're you going to do to him, Apollo? In what manner will you send him to my _already full_ kingdom?

Apollo: I've already got it all figured out. I'm gonna cut his four limbs off and give one to each of the winds, just like Zeus did with his air control guy. Then I'm gonna turn his remains into a weasel, and - assuming he's still living, of course - let him live like that for the rest of his short life.

Artemis: Um...nice.

Apollo: I know, right?

Artemis: I was being _sarcastic_. But of course _you_ wouldn't know that.

Apollo: You're a bully.

Artemis: _I_ wasn't the one to plan out that way to kill a judge.

Apollo: But he deserves it!

Artemis: And _I_ could say that _you_ deserve to...to listen to your own poetry.

Athena: I think he'd like that.

Artemis: *Sighs* Yeah, he has a very big ego.

Athena: Yeah.

Artemis: Hephaestus can't cut his Internet connection, so...

Athena: So what?

Artemis: Be right back.

Hermes: Oh, I guess she's gone to solve _the problem_.

Apollo: What problem?

Hermes: You know what I mean, Athena? _The_ _problem_?

Athena: Oh, you mean...yeah, I get it.

Hermes: Him.

Apollo: Seriously, you guys, what problk hji,b;6sfg

Athena: _That_ problem, Apollo. _You_.

Apollo: Nicely placed arrow there, don't know if anyone saw. This is Artemis here. Apollo has a soft skull. _And_ his defense was down. He'll be all right soon.

Hermes: _Awesome_. You mean you...you just..._Awesome._

Apollo: Yeah. Thanks.

Hephaestus: Now that _the problem_ has been dealt with, I should close this thing down.

Athena: Good.

Apollo: Very good. Ah, he's getting up...give me a second...good, he's out for another five minutes, at least.

Ares: Alright, what'd I miss?

Apollo: What? _Ares?_

Ares: Oh, no haikus, good. So?

Apollo: You missed everything. Apollo came in. The Roman Apollo, I mean. And I've decided never to recite another haiku again.

Ares: Really?

Apollo: Nah, I wish. You see, I'm really Artemis. Dealt with a problem here, you see: Apollo.

Ares: So I missed everything. Oh well. Be back next week.

Hephaestus: See you all then.


	12. Fanfiction Creates Mary Sues

**A/N - So, as I was informed that I can't respond to reviews in the chapter, I won't be doing that anymore. **

**So, credit to PianoPrincess for this idea. Thank you!**

* * *

Fanfiction, Mortal Website, Creates Mary Sues: As witnessed by Hermes, reader of , the mortal website has been overusing Mary Sues, the concept of a perfect person.

* * *

Apollo: So, what's a Mary Sue?

Hermes: It said it a _lot_ in the article, Apollo, didn't you read it? A Mary Sue is, like, the perfect person. Like, flawless. Like, totally perfect.

Apollo: Like, a perfect person?

Hermes: Yeah. 100% perfect.

Apollo: Oh, _I_ know a Mary Sue!

Hermes: You read fanfiction?

Apollo: No...why do you think that?

Hermes: Because Mary Sues only ever appear in fanfictions.

Apollo: They don't! That doesn't make any sense!

Hermes: Of course it does. Why, who is this Mary Sue you don't know?

Apollo: You mean, the Mary Sue I know?

Hermes: Yes. Do tell us, who is your imaginary friend?

Apollo: My...imaginary friend?

Hermes: _Yes_. Who is the Mary Sue?

Apollo: I'll tell you.

Mary Sues are quite

Perfect and I know a one

_I'm_ a Mary Sue!

Hermes: ...

Athena: ...

Artemis: ...

Apollo:

I'm a Mary Sue

Because I am so perfect

'Cause I thought you said...

Artemis: Brother, you are _not_ perfect.

Athena: Agreed.

Hephaestus: Since disagreeing with Artemis will make me a jackalope, I agree.

Zeus: And if _I'm_ not perfect, no one is.

Poseidon: Actually, _I'm_ the most perfect one here. _I'm_ a Mary Sue.

Zeus: No, _I'm_ a Mary Sue!

Poseidon: By Hades, _when_ will you realize and _accept_ that _I_ am more awesome and perfect than you? Νόθο αδελφό **(Flawed brother)**

Hades: You're _both_ flawed. Me? Oh _Zeus_! _I'm_ a Mary Sue.

Zeus: Όχι, εσείς είστε οι πιο λανθασμένη. **(No, you are the most flawed)**

Hades: No, I'm a Mary Sue. Accept it, _I_ am the perfect one.

Hermes: *Sighs in exasperation* _No_, guys, "Mary Sue" refers to an ultra-perfect _female_. The term for _males _is "Gary Stu".

Apollo: Hi, my name's now Gary! Um, Gary Stu!

Hermes: *Sighs in exasperation* And it's _not_ a good thing.

Hades: Watch out. I am perfect, I am a Gary Stu, and if you anger me I will do something terrible to you.

Hermes: *Sighs in exasperation for the third time* _No_, "Mary Sue" and "Gary Stu" always describe the boring characters, the unrealistic characters, the characters that no one can stand.

Artemis: Well, no one can stand Apollo, so it fits there.

Apollo: Hey, sis, you're not a Mary Sue. You are _not_ perfect.

Artemis: I'm more perfect than _you_ are.

Apollo: Well, that's impossible, 'cause I'm a Mary Sue. There is nothing and no one more perfect than me.

Hermes: _Gary Stu._

Athena: Than _I._

Apollo: Whatever.

Athena: No, it's _than I_, not _than me_.

Hermes: No, Apollo, not _whatever_. You're not a _girl_, are you?

Artemis: Luckily not...

Apollo: No! I'm not a girl! I'm a Mary Sue!

Hermes: Which means that you're an absolutely perfect _girl_.

Artemis: Neither of which is true.

Apollo: ...

Hermes: *Sighs in exasperation for the fourth time* Apollo, "Gary Stu" is the male form of "Mary Sue". As you're a male, you'd be a _Gary Stu_, not a Mary Sue.

Artemis: Hermes, you're forgetting that he's _not_ perfect.

Hermes: Yeah. Apollo, you're neither a Mary Sue nor a Gary Stu.

Apollo: Hey, I'm _totally_ perfect.

Aphrodite: Apollo, _I _am the most perfect. We all know that.

Hera: _Not _true. _I_ am.

Aphrodite: You _never _have kids any more. You're _not_ beautiful. You _don't_ entrance every man you meet.

Artemis: All of which is _good_. But of course there's no hope for _you_, Aphrodite. Lovesick weasel.

Hermes: Um, can we _not_ get back to the weasel topic?

Hebe: Don't even _mention_ those weasels. They turned my _temple_ into a weasel. I had huge magic weasels running around it for _days_. And they were _old_ weasels. Talk about _insults_.

Poseidon: Um, sorry.

Hebe: Yes, _Poseidon._ It was _you_ who transformed my temple, _wasn't_ it. I _know_ it was you.

Poseidon: It was sort of inevitable, you know...

Hebe: That's _no_ excuse. The weasels were _old_. I had _never_ felt more insulted.

Poseidon: I said, I'm sorry!

Zeus: Well, _you're_ clearly not a Mary Sue, Poseidon.

Hermes: _Gary Stu!_

Poseidon: I'm more of a Mary Sue than _you_ are.

Hermes: Mary Sue is the _feminine _term!

Zeus: Really? Well, then yeah, Poseidon, you're more feminine than _I_ am.

Poseidon: Oh, really?

Artemis: Accept your bad fates. You're both men.

Apollo: _Good_ fates. It means we're Mary Sues. It's the masculine term, you know.

Artemis: Oh, wow.

Hermes: _No!_ Mary Sue is feminine, Gary Stu is masculine!

Apollo: Whatever.

Hermes: No! I _refuse_ to have you muddling them up any longer. Hephaestus, close the forum down.

Hephaestus: Yeah, okay...

Athena: Well, fine. Straighten up your thoughts, Apollo.

Artemis: Yeah.

Hermes: One last briefer, Apollo. Mary Sue is femi

Hephaestus: And _that_ is what I do to people who give me orders. I cut their Internet connection. Remember that, everyone. Bye.

* * *

**A/N - Note: Hebe is the goddess of youth.**

**So, ideas would be greatly appreciated, whatever they are. **

**Anyone else think Apollo is a bit slow here?**

**Favorite god or goddess, anyone?**

**Thank you!**


	13. Aphrodite Starts The Olympus Gossip News

**A/N - Hello again. So, I now have 12 follows, 6 favorites, and 52 reviews. You guys are awesome. **

**I'm not Rick Riordan. You know what that means? It means that I ****_don't own_****_PJO_****.**

**So, read and enjoy.**

* * *

Aphrodite Creates _The Olympus Gossip News_: Annoyed with the "lack of style and cuteness" of _Olympus Weekly_, Aphrodite, goddess of love and beauty, has created a new newspaper: _The Olympus Gossip News_.

* * *

Athena: You - you think _Olympus Weekly_ is lacking _style_?

Aphrodite: Well, duh. I mean, all you guys complain whenever there's a _good_ article.

Athena: How _dare_ you criticize _Olympus weekly_. I'm the editor, and I make each article as good as it can be.

Aphrodite: Well, most of the articles would be better if they _didn't exist_, you know.

Athena: _No one_ insults my work and gets away with it. Take Arachne, for example. Look at what happened to _her_.

Aphrodite: Well, she was a mortal. She wasn't that pretty, either. Well, she was better than these articles are, but that isn't hard to do...

Athena: I'm warning you, Aphrodite, _one more_ negative comment about _Olympus_ _Weekly_, and you'll be out of action. I mean it. _Out. Of. Action._

Aphrodite: Yeah, whatever.

Hermes: Watch it, Aphrodite.

Aphrodite: Well, Athena _did_ used to be intimidating, but since she started this _Olympus Weekly_ nonsense, that's kind of gone out of the window, you know.

Athena: That's _it_, Aphrodite! The _last straw_!

Hermes: Of _course_ Aphrodite didn't listen to the warnings...

Apollo: Wait, what's Athena going to do?

Artemis: _Obviously_, I think we'll find out soon.

Aphrodite: You guys fear Athena? Wow. I mean, look at those articles. She wrote some of them, others she let in...

Artemis: Watch it, Aphrodite.

Hermes: I said that too, but she didn't listen to me.

Aphrodite: Oh, you guys are _concerned_ for me! That's _so _cute!

Artemis: Shut up, Aphrodite.

Athena: Yeah, Aphrodite - Shut up - It's _not_ cute.

Apollo: Wait, Athena, didn't you just, like, go to kill Aphrodite?

Artemis: Um, goddesses can't be _killed_, Apollo.

Athena: Yeah, Apollo - But you see - We're not Athena - _No_, you idiot, we _are _- We're Athena, yeah - _I'm _Athena - Wait, but - _You idiot_ - Yeah, _I'm _Athena.

Hermes: Whoa, wait...

Athena: Hi, Dad - _Hermes_ - Yeah, Hermes - Just here to say that Aphrodite's in for it.

Aphrodite: Athena, now you're _really_ crazy.

Athena: _No, _we're not Athena - Yes, we _are_ - But we're not! - Do you want them to get suspicious? - But, Travis, we're _not_ Athena! - You did _not_ just -

Hermes: _Travis_? _Connor_? No way, I got Hephaestus to cut off your Internet, how did you...

Athena: Same as before, Dad. - Well, now it's useless to pretend, thanks a lot, Connor. - Leo Awesome Valdez got us on. - Team Leo! - Leo? - Yeah, got on from my _other_ computer. - Thanks, Leo! - You're welcome.

Aphrodite: Ah, she didn't even bang up the keyboard! Wow, Aphrodite, you didn't even put up a fight!

Apollo: Is that...Athena?

Hermes: You guys should go now. And _don't _write anything.

Aphrodite: What?

Hermes: Nothing.

Aphrodite: Well, so this is Athena. Aphrodite's out cold, so I'm going back now.

Apollo: Wow, haha.

Athena knocked out

Aphrodite because she

Insulted her.

Artemis: The last line was only four syllables.

Apollo: Was it?

Artemis: Yes. It's not the first time.

Apollo: Well, I've got a _new_ last line: Insulted her lots.

Hermes: What are her _lots_?

Apollo: What?

Hermes: Her lots were insulted by Aphrodite. What are her lots?

Apollo: What the...

Artemis: Hermes, I think he means that Aphrodite insulted her _a lot_, but that would be _six_ syllables.

Hermes: Oh. Oh, okay. I was thinking, you know, that her _lots_ sounded, you know, a bit strange...

Artemis: Well, his _brain_ is strange, so it fits.

Hermes: Yeah, I guess.

Leo Valdez: Hi everyone, just got my computer back!

Hephaestus: Well, at least you intruded in _this_ conversation.

Leo Valdez: What?

Hephaestus: But still, you let those two on...

Leo Valdez: Yeah. Yep, I did.

Hermes: Valdez, I banished them from this forum! How _dare_ you let them -

Leo Valdez: Hey, they're awesome. They're, like, my bros, except, you know, sons of Hermes.

Athena: Did I miss something? What's going on here?

Hermes: Um, nothing.

Athena: What did I miss, Hermes? _Tell me._

Hermes: Um, Travis and Connor somehow got on again, and now we have another demigod on...

Athena: *Scrolls up* Oh. Valdez.

Leo Valdez: Wait...programming...

Athena: So, we have demigods here. That's part of why this newspaper is the best.

Team Leo: Yeah, 'cause otherwise we'd rebel.

Hephaestus: Team Leo? Did you not like "Leo Valdez"?

Team Leo: Nah, too proper. But Team Leo? Awesome. Like, all da ladies luv Leo. Team Leo for the win!

Piper McLean: Team Leo? Oh, wow. And, Mom - _Olympus Weekly_ is good. I won't be reading your gossip thing.

Team Leo: Wait...programming...Ah, Piper, your mom is knocked out. Right?

Beauty Queen: Knocked out? What...

Aphrodite: Love cannot be restrained! I am back! And I _love_ your new username thing, Piper.

Beauty Queen: What? Oh, wait..._Leo!_

Team Leo: Oh, I'm gonna do this a _lot_, Piper. Watch out!

Hermes: Hold on, you can't go around changing peoples' usernames, Valdez!

Team Leo: Sure I can. And you can't cut off my Internet, 'cause I'll just fix it. Ha!

Worst Thief Ever: You don't own the gods, Valdez!

Team Leo: No, I don't. But I _do_ own their usernames!

Worst Thief Ever: Wait! Hey! How _dare_ you call me the worst thief ever!

Team Leo: Yeah, whatever. Unfortunately, they only last 24 hours before they go back to the automatic.

Worst Thief Ever: Hephaestus, how do I change it back?

Team Leo: Dad's not here. He left. You'll just have to deal with being the worst thief ever.

Aphrodite: Leo! You could be _so_ helpful for my magazine, _The Olympus Gossip News_. Please read it! It'll include all the latest gossip of Olympus, like which half-bloods have been secretly dating, if the ambrosia vendor is really Hebe in disguise...

Hebe: _All_ the ambrosia vendors look _old_! How _dare_ you compare me to _them_! I will _never_ read your magazine except to _scan_ it for my _name_, and _then _if I _do _find it I'll _make sure _you _regret_ it!

Team Leo: Aphrodite, I'll _never_ read your magazine.

Ugly Lady: It'll be _so much better_ than _Olympus Weekly_.

Artemis: Haha.

Ugly Lady: Will _you_ read my magazine, Artemis?

Artemis: In your wildest dreams. Look at your username. Haha.

Ugly Lady: Wait, my username? Wait...Leo Valdez, how _dare_ you call me ugly! I am _beautiful_! I am the _most_ beautiful! I am the _goddess_ of beauty! How _dare_ you suggest otherwise!

Team Leo: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Ugly Lady: *Screams* Ugly...*Starts to cry*

Artemis: Wow, look at her.

Team Leo: Soooo, if my dad's afraid of being turned into a jackalope...

Artemis: I _will_ do it.

Team Leo: So, yours won't be _that_ bad...

Team Artemis: It'd better not be.

Music Freak: Well, it's not _that_ bad, Artemis.

Team Artemis: Could be worse, but you're treading on thin ice, Valdez.

Team Leo: I always am, no?

Team Apollo: _Music Freak?_

Team Leo: Not anymore. I think it may be better not to.

Team Apollo: Oh. Team Apollo. Nice.

Team Zeus: Mine had better be good, Valdez, _or else_.

Team Leo: Well there're some people I have to watch put for, you know. Wait, I should change...yeah, I don't _have_ to...

Music Freak: Yeah, you have to watch out for me. Good thing for _you_ I'm Team Apollo.

Team Leo: No, your not.

Team Athena: No _you're _not.

Team Leo: Yeah, whatever.

Athena: No, not _whatever_. Proper grammar is _important_.

Ugly Lady: *Still crying* _Pleeeeaaaase_ read my magazine.

Team Leo: Never.

Ugly Lady: Change my username.

Team Leo: Never.

Team Hephaestus: _Team_? Wow, Leo. And look at some of those usernames. They're going to kill you. I should really shut this thing down now. Bye, everyone. Watch out, Leo.

* * *

**A/M - So, yeah. If anyone has any ideas, I'll use them in the ****_next_**** chapters, in the order of which I get them. Because really, I have no more. **

**Hunger Games fans, please check out my poll. **

**So, are you guys Team Leo, Team Artemis, Team Apollo, Team Zeus, or Team Athena? **

**You know, reviews really make my day. They really do.**


	14. Aphrodite and Hermes Injure Leo Valdez

**A/N - ****So, credit to a random demigod for this idea. I just changed it up a bit because I didn't really want Leo to die.**

* * *

Hermes and Aphrodite Injure Leo Valdez, Demigod Son of Hephaestus: As revenge for him switching up their usernames on last week's forum, Hermes and Aphrodite have seriously injured Leo Valdez, demigod son of Hephaestus.

* * *

Artemis: Do you two _really_ care that much about what collection of letters is put up before your entry?

Aphrodite: Yes! I am _not_ ugly!

Hermes: And I am _not_ a bad thief!

Artemis: Wow. It's just a collection of letters, guys. Seriously.

Hephaestus: Artemis, usernames are _very_ important. They are...they are...they are, like, your _being_, your _avatar_, on the forum, and on all of the other online sites of OlympusNet.

Artemis: Yeah, but I prefer MoonlightArrow. You know, the name that I go by on some of the sites.

Hephaestus: Oh, yeah, I like my other one. BestAtTheForge. Has a nice ring to it, right? But we have to use our actual names here. I understand that Leo violated that...but the two of them nearly _killed_ him.

Aphrodite: He was _so_ asking for it! I mean, did you see what he changed my username to?

Artemis: He was right.

Aphrodite: Shut _up_, Artemis. He will _never_ get a girl. Ενιαία χαμένος. **(Single loser)**

Leo: Ohhh...I thikn ill go by leo today. not feeling greaat. ohh aphrodite u said...singl? not forevr

Piper McLean: No, Leo, you're not in great shape to be typing.

Leo: not mclean. sounds bad for forumm

Piper: Don't type, Leo.

Aphrodite: PIPER! I thought you were with _Jason_! Ooh, did you break up? Did you _dump_ him?

Jason Grace: Uhh, why do you think...Piper, did you...are you...

Piper: _No!_ I'm just, you know, watching over him, making sure he doesn't take too much ambrosia...

Leo: caus then id blow uup rite? oops grace not good for forum...

Piper: Uh, yeah, you would.

Jason: So, Piper...you're not...

Piper: No! I'm _not_...you _really_ think I'd...

Jason: Good. Wait, what happened to my last name? Didn't it used to say...

Piper: You missed last week. Leo kept changing their usernames. That's why they did this to him.

Leo: im sorta getting btter now

Hephaestus: You are? Good.

Aphrodite: Must I cut off your _other_ arm now? You weren't supposed to get better.

Piper: We barely managed to sew it back on, and it won't be the same for another decade or so.

Leo: if im still alive then. my fijngwrs barely work. i hpe you guys can read it

Hermes: Must I _kill_ you? You called me the _worst thief ever!_ That _cannot_ go unpunished.

Aphrodite: You called me _ugly!_

Hermes: I'm the _best_ thief ever! You, however...

Aphrodite: Ενιαία χαμένος. **(You are ugly)**

Hermes: Φοβερός κλέφτης **(Terrible thief)**

Aphrodite: You _must_ suffer for it! I am _beautiful!_

Athena: I beg to differ.

Aphrodite: What?

Athena: In _simpler_ words for _idiots_, I _disagree_.

Aphrodite: ...

Athena: I disagree. Here me? I _disagree_.

Aphrodite: What do you mean?

Athena: *Sighs* Seriously?

Aphrodite: What do you mean, you _disagree_?

Athena: It means that I think you're _ugly_.

Leo: ikr

Artemis: ikr?

Athena: It's a sort of common mortal usage. It's an acronym for "I know, right?"

Aphrodite: You know right? Why not you know wrong?

Athena: Never mind. You're hopeless, Aphrodite.

Artemis: Too many acronyms.

Athena: Blame the mortals.

Artemis: Blame the men.

Leo: blame aph

Aphrodite: Who's "Aph"?

Leo: u r

Aphrodite: u r?

Leo: no _u_ r

Piper: He means that _you_ are. U R, you know.

Aphrodite: I'm what?

Leo: aph

Aphrodite: I'm Aph?

Leo: yeah

Aphrodite: Why?

Leo: nick name

Aphrodite: So...blame me for acronyms?

Leo: yeah whatever

Hermes: _You're_ a terrible thief. Not _me_. _I'm_ the _god_ of thieves.

Leo: yeah whatever

Hermes: Not _whatever_!

Athena: Usually I'm the one saying that. He's not going to listen to you, Hermes.

Hermes: I'm a _great_ thief!

Hephaestus: You injured him. You really did. Like, mortal injury.

Aphrodite: Well, duh, he's an ugly mortal. Και είστε μία απαίσιο θεού **(And you're an ugly god)**

Hephaestus: Um, I meant mortal as in, it could kill him.

Leo: well i always almostm killd by mosters

Hephaestus: You're always almost killed by monsters? Not true.

Leo: daily

Piper: Yeah, but you always set up some awesome trap first.

Leo: well yeah

Aphrodite: I will _kill_ you this time, how about?

Hermes: No, _I_ will.

Aphrodite: No, _I _will.

Hermes: No, _I_ -

Hephaestus: Um, how about I shut this thing off before they actually _do_?

Piper: Yeah, you should.

Hephaestus: Okay. Shutting down. Bye.

* * *

**A/N - So, that was a shorter chapter. Hope you guys liked it.**

**If anyone's looking for any good stories, I suggest reading silentwolf111's stories. They're awesome.**

**So, I currently am running off of your ideas, everyone, so any ideas you might have would be greatly appreciated. **

**I'll try to update on Friday.**


	15. Zeus Zaps Poseidon With His Master Bolt

**A/N - So, before we get on with the chapter, I need to say two things:**

**-First, I don't own PJO.**

**-Also, Artemis's and Hephaestus's usernames from the last chapter are mine, so please don't use them without asking me first.**

**So, credit once again to a random demigod for this idea. Seriously, is Random demigod the only one with ideas? Just joking, you're all awesome.**

* * *

Zeus Blasts Poseidon With Lightning: During an argument with Poseidon, Zeus blasted him with lightning from his master bolt.

* * *

Poseidon: This is _proof_ that I'm more awesome.

Zeus: Well, _I'm_ the one with the awesome master bolt, so I think that means that _I_ am more awewsome and powerful, τραγανή αδελφός. **(Crispy brother)**

Poseidon: _Crispy?_ Well, _someone_ forgot that I'm immortal. _Someone._

Zeus: Κατάρα αθανασία σας **(Curse your immortality)**

Poseidon: Κατάρα σας ύπαρξη. **(Curse your existence)**

Zeus: Κατάρα σας - **(Curse your - )**

Athena: Stop it, you two.

Apollo: Yeah! Wait...Zeus, you tried to zap Poseidon?

Zeus: I _did_ zap him. I _succeeded_.

Apollo: You tried to _kill_ him?

Zeus has gone crazy

He forgot immortalness

He zapped Poseidon

Zeus: _Crazy?_ Apollo, watch your language!

Athena: Apollo, "immortalness" isn't a word.

Zeus: I am _not_ crazy!

Percy Jackson: Um, Apollo, I was told not to use the c-word to describe Zeus, and it was good advise.

Zeus: And I am _not_ crazy!

Dionysus: Good. To have the god who gave me this horrible sentence in my territory...*shudders*

Percy Jackson: A _very_ horrible sentence.

Dionysus: I could make _you_ crazy, Johnson, so watch it.

Percy Jackson: It's _Jackson_. You know that.

Dionysus: Don't play games with me, Johnson, I know your name.

Percy Jackson: Clearly not.

Baccus: Clearly not?

Percy Jackson: Uh...Baccus? Like...the Roman?

Baccus: Percy Jackson...I met you once. You were with a Roman? You fought?

Percy Jackson: Didn't you leave before we fought?

Baccus: I never truly leave, Jackson.

Percy Jackson: The Diet Pepsi sustains you, huh?

Baccus: The Diet Pepsi? Oh, yes, very much.

Dionysus: Diet Pepsi?

Percy Jackson: Don't you know? You live off of Diet Coke, he lives off of Diet Pepsi.

Baccus: Diet Coke? _Diet Coke?_

Dionysus: _Diet Pepsi?_ How is that _poss_

Wine God: _ible?_ Diet Coke is _toxic_! If I drink Diet Co - Pepsi, I go into shoc - Diet _Pepsi?_ Diet Pepsi is _undrinkable_. How do you - Greeks! You are _against_ the ways of lif - Wine. - Wine. - Wine beats all. - Wine beats Diet Coke. - Wine. - Always wine. - Wine beats Diet Pepsi. - Wine. - Wine beats _all._ - But not Diet Pepsi. - _Especially_ Diet P

Hephaestus: Oh, good. You're _welcome_, guys.

Zeus: _Now_ who's crazy?

Hephaestus: I said, you're _welcome_.

Aphrodite: Ooh, _thank_ you, Hephaestus! Uhhhh...what for?

Artemis: *Sighs in disgust*

Aphrodite: What? I came in late!

Hephaestus: Well, Dionysus was having a fit. Well...Baccus, too.

Aphrodite: Ooh, what happened?

Artemis: Try scrolling up, why don't you?

Aphrodite: Ooh, Dionysus loves Baccus!

Artemis: _No,_ Aphrodite. He _doesn't_. He _is_ Baccus. I mean, would you love yourself? Like, want to _date_ yourself?

Aphrodite: Oh, yes! Opportunity of a _lifetime_ there, babe! I mean, who _wouldn't _want to date me?

Artemis: _I_ wouldn't. I should have realized _you_ would...

Ares: You would date _yourself? _And not me?

Aphrodite: That's sweet!

Ares: So you would _prefer_ to date _yourself?_

Aphrodite: Well...no, of _course_ not! You're _awesome_! I love you _soooooooo_ much, my dear Ares!

Hephaestus: You still betray me, Aphrodite.

Artemis: You expected her to stop?

Hephaestus: No, I just _hoped_ that...

Aphrodite: Artemis, life's nothing when you have only one man. Even more if you have none...how do you _live?_

Artemis: How do _you_ live?

Apollo: Artemis...

I agree with Aph

Life is nothing without men

You are missing out

Aphrodite: Agh! _Hades_! _Stop_ calling me Aph!

Hades: Oh _Zeus_, Aphrodite's new nickname is Aph! Oh _Zeus_, Aphrodite is framing me! Oh _Zeus_, Aphrodite is - wait, Zeus, you tried to kill Poseidon? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Zeus: He was asking for it!

Hades: Do it again! Then do it to _yourself_! Try to send the two of you to Tartarus! Then _I_ will be the ruler!

Zeus: That'll never happen, Θάνατος κεφαλής **(Death Head)**

Hades: You _wish_, Αέρας στον εγκέφαλο **(Air Brain)**

Zeus: I _know, _Κουφάρι Κράτημα Αναπνοής **(Corpse Breath)**

Poseidon: Hades, Zeus has _no_ brain. He forgot...he _actually forgot that I was immortal_.

Hades: Yeah. Step down now, brainless god.

Zeus: I will blast _you_ and send _you _to Tartarus!

Hades: You forgot something else: Tartarus is in the Underworld.

Zeus: But it's not under your control, Hades.

Hades: But it is in my domain.

Zeus: Our father is in there.

Poseidon: Back into pieces, at least...um, right?

Zeus: For now.

Hephaestus: Wow, cheery conversation. This is _not_ today's topic.

Poseidon: Yeah. Back to Zeus's stupidity.

Zeus: THAT IS IT! *Blasts Poseidon with master bolt*

Athena: Wow. Does Poseidon not know when to stop?

Hermes: I know, right?

Hades: Zeus forgot again. I would be a better ruler.

Zeus: HADES! I WILL -

Hephaestus: I will shut this down, yes. Not too late.

* * *

**A/N - Poseidon got blasted ****_twice_****. He's skilled at annoying Zeus, isn't he. **

**So, yeah. Any ideas are welcome (encouraged, really). **

**So, please review and tell me what you think.**


	16. Fanfiction Creates Perlia

**A/N - Thank you all for your ****_awesome_**** ideas. Credit to Daughter of Khione for this one.**

* * *

Fanfiction Creates Perlia: The mortal authors of have written about the love between Percy Jackson, demigod son of Poseidon, and Thalia Grace, demigod daughter of Zeus and lieutenant of Artemis.

* * *

Artemis: Perlia?

Apollo: Thalia likes Percy Jackson, but not _me?_

Artemis: Wait..._Perlia?_

Apollo: Nooooo!

Thalia likes this

Demigod instead of me

Why? I am too cool!

Percy Jackson: Wait, what's this about Thalia liking me?

Artemis: _THALIA LIKES YOU? THALIA HAS BEEN DATING YOU?_

Percy Jackson: Uh...did I miss something?

Artemis: Thalia! You've been _dating_ this boy?

Thalia Grace: Wait - _what?_

Artemis: You are a _Hunter!_ Hunters _don't date!_

Thalia Grace: I'm dating someone?

Artemis: The article said you were! How _dare_ you! You were my trusted lieutenant!

Thalia Grace: The article? Wait, what's "Perlia"? I mean, I get what it says, but how could anyone ever think...

Artemis: So you're not dating Percy Jackson?

Thalia Grace: You think I would date Percy Jackson? I'm a Hunter!

Artemis: Those words just saved your life as a human.

Hephaestus: You would have turned her into a - *shudders* - a _jackalope? _

Artemis: Perhaps not a jackalope, but some type of animal, yes.

Thalia Grace: You thought that I...Artemis, I would _never_...

Percy Jackson: Um, Artemis, we're friends and all, but not like _that_.

Aphrodite: Ooh, the cuteness of Perlia! Come on, admit you love him, Thalia!

Thalia Grace: I'm a _Hunter_, okay? I will _never_ date or love!

Aphrodite: Hunters, Artemis - _bo-ring_. I mean, you guys go around devastating men, and you _never date_...you may live forever, but you're as good as dead! I mean, what's the point of living if you can't date?

Artemis: What's the point of living if that's all you do? If you do it at _all_?

Aphrodite: It _is_ life!

Artemis: _So_ not true.

Aphrodite: Beauty! Love!

Artemis: Worthless.

Aphrodite: No! I mean, it was love that brought Paris and Helen together! It was love that brought Percy and Thalia together!

Artemis: And I resent that pairing!

Aphrodite: Perlia? You _resent_ Perlia? Oh no you did-unt!

Artemis: I _cannot_ believe that Thalia would do that!

Aphrodite: Of _course_ she would! Even your Hunters have more sense that _you_ do, Artemis!

Artemis: You did NOT just say that! As you are a goddess, you will be turned back eventually, but I sentence you to _48 hours as a jackalope_!

Aphrodite: You would _not_ dare! *Screams* mfdxk jsdf

Artemis: Problem solved.

Percy Jackson: Um, thanks. But I think that everyone has forgotten that Thalia and I _aren't dating_.

Artemis: Good.

Hephaestus: Wait, Artemis, you turned Aphrodite into a jackalope?

Artemis: _Yes_.

Hephaestus: Artemis, she wrote the article! She's greatly involved in this discussion! You can't just -

Artemis: Turn her into a jackalope? Sure I can. Would you like join her?

Hephaestus: _What? No!_

Artemis: I thought not.

Aphrodite: You turned her into a jackalope? - Wait, seriously? - _Awesome_, dude! - There she is, Travis, see her? - Shh, you idiot! - Oh, sorry, see her? - How could you forget? - I'm ADHD, calm down. - But still - _See her_, Travis? Over by the bushes out there? - Oh, dude, is that _Aphrodite?_ - Yep! - Beautiful as ever! - You did _not_ just call a jackalope _beautiful_.

Hermes: _Travis? Connor?_ No. Way.

Aphrodite: Yep, it's us, Dad, hi! - Oh, thanks, Connor, you just blew our - Whatever! Hi, Dad! - This is Aphrodite! - But Travis, we're not Aphrodite! - Like our...um, _my_ game here, guys? - Game? - Funny, isn't it, how -

Hermes: This. Is. _All._ Valdez's. Fault.

Mr. Valdez: Hmm? My fault?

Hermes: You let them on again!

Mr. Valdez: Who? Oh, those two?

Hermes: No, a dead mortal pilot. Of _course_ I mean those two!

Mr. Valdez: Those two? What about them?

Hermes: I_ banned_ them from this forum!

Mr. Valdez: Actually, you banned their _computer_. Not _them_.

Hermes: You know what I mean!

Mr. Valdez: I do?

Hermes: Yes, you do! Get them _off_!

Aphrodite: But Dad, we're so mature! - Yeah, we are! - I mean, we _never_ prank anyone! - Well, we sometimes do. - No, we don't. - Of course. I meant that we never prank people!

Hermes: GO AWAY! If you two are still here whe

Aphrodite: What happened to D

Hephaestus: Hooray, they're both off. Cut off. Like, _bang_. Like, ka-_boom_.

Mr. Valdez: You can't ban _me_! I'll just auto-reboot my system!

Hephaestus: I wasn't going to ban you.

Mr. Valdez: Thanks.

Hephaestus: Hey, Leo, what do you think of Perlia?

Mr. Valdez: Pearly-ah?

Hephaestus: _Perlia_.

Mr. Valdez: Per-lee-ah?

Hephaestus: _Perlia_. Percy Jackson and Thalia Grace.

Artemis: _The nonexistent pairing_.

Mr. Valdez: Percy Jackson...I know him! Yeah...he's cool. Thalia Grace? Oh, was she that cute Hunter girl?

Artemis: _Cute Hunter girl?_

Mr. Valdez: Oh, yeah, Jason's little sister. Um, I mean his _older_ sister. Age gets confusing when people are turned into trees, you know.

Artemis: Did you call her a _cute Hunter girl_?

Mr. Valdez: Yeah. A shame she doesn't date...I didn't read the article, but I get that it's about Percy Jackson daring to steal - um, make a move on her.

Artemis: Did you say _steal_?

Mr. Valdez: Did I say that? Oh, I didn't mean...

Artemis: You'd better not try to.

Percy Jackson: Hey, Leo, I didn't "make a move on her".

Mr. Valdez: Oh, Percy! Hi! Wait, I can't change the gods' usernames, but demigods'...

Mr. Jackson: Um...not anything bad, okay, Leo? And I _didn't_ "make a move on her".

Mr. Valdez: Great for you. You blew your chance.

Artemis: _Blew his chance?_ Valdez, I will -

Hephaestus: Do nothing! You will do nothing! But _I_ will shut this forum down! Goodbye!

* * *

**A/N - So, what did everyone think of this chapter? **

**Thank you to everyone who voted on my poll.**

**So, now I have ideas for the next, like, four chapters! Thank you!**


	17. Aphrodite Breaks a Nail

**A/N - So, thank you to PianoPrincess for this idea. Maybe you ****_were_**** just joking, but it's an interesting idea.**

* * *

Aphrodite Breaks a Nail: Aphrodite has broken her nail, an event she said would never happen.

* * *

Hermes: Ha ha! Aphrodite broke her nail! Ha ha!

Aphrodite: That's mean! I'm still beautiful!

Hermes: But you_ broke a nail!_ HAHA!

Athena: You're being immature, Hermes. I suspect _you've_ broken a nail before, am I right?

Aphrodite: Don't you _dare_ compare me to Hermes!

Athena: Whatever. So, I guess I'll just go join Hermes in taunting you about it. Would you prefer that?

Aphrodite: Um...

Demeter: Aphrodite broke a nail, guys. It doesn't matter. It's just a nail.

Aphrodite: But now my finger isn't beautiful and perfect!

Hermes: _So_ right.

Aphrodite: You're - *sniff sniff* - _mean_, Hermes. I'm still - *sniff sniff* - beautiful.

Hermes: Not you're finger!

Athena: _Your_ finger.

Hermes: _Actually_, Athena, it's _her_ finger. HA! I'm right, you're wrong! I proved Athena wrong, guys! Athena messed up, guys!

Athena: I didn't mess up. I meant that "you're finger" isn't proper English. It's "_your_ finger".

Hermes: But it's _not_ my finger. It's Aphrodite's.

Athena: Οχι, ανόητος, ήταν μια γραμματικά λάθη. **(Auto-Translate: No, idiot, it was a grammatical error)**

Hermes: Grammatical error? I don't care about grammar.

Athena: Εσείς πρέπει. Είναι σημαντικό. **(Auto-Translate: You should. It is important.)**

Hermes: I don't care about English. We're Greek. Ζήτω η Ελλάδα. **(Auto-Translate: Long live Greece.)**

Athena: But now we're living in America, where people speak English. Very few speak Greek.

Hermes: Yeah, well, _we_ do.

Athena: But we're in America, so English is important.

Hermes: Um, so is Spanish, right? Um...no...hablar...espanol?

Athena: Well, your Spanish is even worse that your English. _No hablo español_ is _I don't speak Spanish_.

Hermes: But clearly you do.

Athena: Well, I speak, like, a hundred languages. I've had about two millennia to learn, after all.

Hermes: _Too..amaziñgue_?

Athena: Sorry?

Hermes: You're amazing, right?

Athena: Well, I am...but what was that "too amaziñgue" thing? Did you mean "too amazing"? That isn't possible.

Hermes: It was Spanish. Um...right? I mean, it had the n with the funny thing over it, and the strange spelling...so surely it was Spanish.

Athena: Um, Hermes, that was _definitely_ not Spanish.

Hermes: But it had the funny n! Every word with the funny n is Spanish!

Athena: No. Not necessarily.

Hermes: Whatever. I'll learn Spanish, I will!

Athena: _Yes!_ Finally, another god appreciates the usefulness of knowing different languages! Now, I'd be even happier if there was a chance you'd succeed!

Hermes: Uh, I really only want to learn the language to...wait, _what_?

Athena: Hermes, there is _no _chance you will successfully learn Spanish.

Hermes: I _will_! Just you wait! I'm leaving now to find myself a good Spanish teacher! Or no, I think I'll look for one tomorrow.

Athena: See what I mean? You can't even _look_ for one!

Hermes: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

Hades: BLAH BLAH BLAH I CAN'T HEAR YOU! Man, I _really_ hate that expression. And it's not true at _all_! I mean, people say they're not hurt, and then they go cry about it!

Hermes: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will _never_ hurt me.

Hades: _LIAR_!

Hermes: I'm _not_ a liar!

Hades: Are too.

Hermes: Am not.

Hades: You are _so_ a liar!

Hermes: I am _not_!

Hades: Are too.

Hermes: Am _not_!

Hades: Are _too_!

Hermes: Am _not_!

Hades: Also, Hermes, look at how angry you got when I called you a liar. Words clearly

make you want to cry and run to mommy.

Hermes: Now you're just being _mean_! I feel so...

Hades: Oh, so the liar is a softie, too? Look, Hermes, I've been denied and disregarded and forgotten and neglected for the last two millennia that I call my life. Don't you _dare_ insist you've had a hard time.

Hermes: For a good reason! You're so..._cruel_! You make me cry!

Hades: Told you words can hurt you! But I'm used to it, so that tactic won't work on me!

Hermes: *sob sob*

Hades: Wow, and you're really crying about it!

Hermes: You - *sob sob* - called me a - *sob sob* - a _liar_! That _hurts_! I'm _bleeding_ on the inside!

Athena: Um, I think that's a bit of an exaggeration, Hermes.

Hermes: Well, yeah. But still!

Apollo: That calls for another awesome haiku!

Hades, how could you

Do such a horrible thing?

Call him a liar?

Hades: Seriously, that wasn't anything cruel!

Hephaestus: No, it wasn't. I say a _lot_ worse when one of my automatons fails me.

Ares: Oh, my foul talk is worse than yours, I bet!

Hephaestus: Whatever.

Hermes: But _nothing_ is worse than what Hades called me.

Apollo: Oh, I agree completely.

Ares: Oh, my foul talk is worse.

Apollo: Sure it is.

Hades is so mean

He said something terrible

Called him a liar

Hades: You Olympians are _so_ weird. I'm signing off now. Bye.

Hermes: Good!

Aphrodite: You must help me! My nail is broken!

Ares: One?

Aphrodite: Yes, darling! I broke one nail! A _whole_ nail! You _have_ to help me!

Ares: One nail is nothing. I have twenty nails broken at the moment. They'll be gone by tomorrow, replaced by other injuries that will be gone the next day. Don't worry.

Aphrodite: _Don't worry_? Why would I worry about your nails when one of _mine_ is broken? I mean, the blood is smearing the keyboard! Oh! Saying that makes me want to barf up my perfect pink cake!

Hephaestus: Ick, I saw that cake. I do _not_ want you vomiting up that thing. I'm going to shut the thing down now, guys. Bye.

* * *

**A/N - So, thanks for reading!**


	18. Demigods Are Allowed to Write Articles

**A/N - Sorry for my longer-than-usual absence. Anyways, this article is leading up to Daughter of Khione's idea.**

* * *

Demigods Are Now Able to Write Articles for _Olympus Weekly_: As the result of a petition from Athena and her demigod children, demigods will now be able to write articles for _Olympus Weekly_, as well as participating in the forumdiscussions.

* * *

Annabeth Chase: I signed. I was the _first_ half-blood to sign it.

Malcolm: You don't have to be like that.

Annabeth Chase: Well, still, I was the first.

Malcolm: No, you weren't the _first_.

Annabeth Chase: Sure I was. You saw it when you signed it.

Malcolm: No, you were the second.

Annabeth Chase: I was the first of us, you know that.

Malcolm: Of _us_, yeah. But you weren't the first _name_.

Annabeth Chase: Of course not. Mom was.

Malcolm: Told you you weren't first.

Annabeth: I said I was the first _demigod_.

Malcolm: May I quote you from your second comment? _"Well, still, I was the first."_

Annabeth Chase: You knew what I meant. I was the first demigod to sign.

Malcolm: Well, I was the second.

Athena: The important thing is that we got enough signatures to make it a reality.

Annabeth Chase: Yeah. I'm going to write an article about architecture!

Athena: I look forward to reading it. What about architecture?

Annabeth Chase: You'll see.

Hermes: Athena, I doubt many demigods will write an article.

Annabeth Chase: _I_ will.

Malcolm: So will I! And will the rest of our cabin.

Hermes: I mean, like, _besides_ you guys.

Annabeth Chase: You never know. I'm sure lots of demigods have interesting ideas.

Hermes: We'll see. _Nostros seeamos_.

Artemis: Uh...translation?

Hermes: We'll see. _We_ is _nostros_...or something like that...and see is a verb, and it this form it ends in _amos_, so it's _nostros seeamos_.

Apollo: Huh?

We will see 'bout what?

Could you be a bit clearer

In your language?

Artemis: First - Hermes, that was _not_ Spanish. And Apollo, the last line was only four syllables.

Percy Jackson: This is the...at Westover Hall...a few weeks ago...just now...the _third_ time you've had to tell him that.

Artemis: The six hundred eighty-ninth time, actually.

Apollo: Minus the six hundred eighty-nine times you were wrong.

Artemis: _Not including _the _one_ time I was wrong.

Apollo: Whatever.

Athena: Back to the topic, guys. Demigods can now write articles here! Isn't that wonderful?

Hermes: Um...not really.

Dionysus: You kidding? - Of _course_ it's wonderful! - Dude, we can write about everything! - The trireme battles - Capture the Flag - Percy and Annabeth -

Percy Jackson: Hey!

Dionysus: What? - Be _honored_ - We didn't say anything offensive - Did we? - We may have - Blame Travis if that's what happened - You idiot! - What? - You did it again! - Did _what_ again? - Gave away our identities!

Hermes: Not you two _again_!

Dionysus: What? - Please, let us write. - It's a _learning experience_, Dad. - It is! - We'll learn how to write! - Come _on_, Dad!

Hermes: Fine. Hephaestus, you can fix their Internet connection.

Hephaestus: Fine.

Dionysus: Thanks! - Don't tell Mr. D. - He's still healing. - Don't tell him.

Hermes: *Sighs* You two _really_ deserve it...but I won't tell him..

Dionysus: Thanks! - We'll go now - Like, back to our regular computers.

Athena: So, we _do_ have other demigod writers.

Hermes: Yep. They're up to no good, too.

Athena: You take _pride_ in that?

Hermes: _Yes._ I mean, I'm the god of thieves and mischief and stuff. Of _course_ I do.

Athena: Yeah, I guess you have a reason...sort of.

Travis Stoll: However much I prefer hacking Dionysus's account, it's nice to be back on my own.

Leo: Um, _I_ hacked onto it _for_ you, _remember_?

Travis Stoll: Yeah. Sorry.

Leo: So...credit, please?

Connor Stoll: Thank you, _Leo_, for assisting us.

Leo: Mm-hmm. That's better.

Travis Stoll: Hey, Leo, you gonna write?

Leo: Huh? Oh, maybe...I dunno.

Connor Stoll: Maybe _we'll_ write about _you_!

Leo: Then I'll cut your Internet.

Connor Stoll: You can do that?

Leo: I'm a son of Hephaestus. Of _course_ I can.

Connor Stoll: Fine. We won't write about you.

Leo: Good.

Athena: _Good_ articles, please. And _no_ chat speak.

Travis Stoll: Oh, of course. We wouldn't _dare_ trash up your newspaper with bad writing.

Athena: Good.

Hephaestus: Sorry to interrupt, but I have stuff to do. I can't let this thing go unsupervised...so I have to shut it down. Sorry. I think everyone's got the point of the article, Athena, so it's all right.

Athena: Okay.

Hephaestus: Bye, guys.

* * *

**A/N - So, have a good weekend.**


	19. Percy Proposes to Annabeth! :)

**A/N - 100 reviews! I'd like to thank FireBird128 for being my 100th reviewer! I also want to thank Daughter of Khione for this idea.**

* * *

Percy Proposes to Annabeth! :) : Last night, Percy Jackson, demigod son of Poseidon, proposed to Annabeth Chase, daughter of Athena.

* * *

Travis Stoll: Our debut, people!

Connor Stoll: Eyewitness account!

Travis Stoll: He really did propose to her!

Connor Stoll: Yeah! He was, like, "Will you marry me, Annabeth?", and she was, like, "Duh, Seaweed Brain."

Travis Stoll: We got a video!

Connor Stoll: It's awesome!

Travis Stoll: We posted it on the site!

Connor Stoll: Go to ! You'll see the link to the forum, and then...wait...

Travis Stoll: No, that's not right. Go to OlympusVideos! Search in "Percy Jackson proposes to Annabeth Chase", and it'll be the first video. Connor, when you post a video, you have to remember where it _is_, you idiot.

Connor Stoll: Sorry! I forget things, okay? Have you forgotten? Ha ha. You have.

Travis Stoll: Whatever.

Athena: Wait. Wait. No way. Annabeth really accepted?

Annabeth Chase: Um...we're a bit _young_ for that, Mom. Don't believe everything you see online.

Athena: So you didn't accept? Good, Annabeth. Now, to another matter. You do _not_ title an article something like that.

Connor Stoll: But...why not? I thought "Percy Proposes to Annabeth! :) " was an _awesome_ title.

Athena: It's better not to use exclamation marks in a title. Also, _always_ use full names. And..._emoticons_! Gah! You did _not_...

Travis Stoll: What's wrong with emoticons?

Athena: They're...they're _not_ meant for proper writing! They're..._smiley faces_!

Connor Stoll: What do you have against smiley faces?

Hermes: They're _deadly_. They're terrifying! They're..._smiley faces_! _Beware_ the smiley faces!

Athena: Hermes, this is _not_ a joke! Emoticons are childish, improper, and _not_ to be used! _Never_!

Hermes: :)

Athena: This is not a joke!

Hermes: :P

Athena: Did you just stick out your emoticon tongue at me?

Hermes: :D

Athena: _Emoticon!_

Hermes: Is that your new curse, Athena?

Athena: _Hades_, Hermes, stop it!

Hades: What is it _now_?

Athena: I wasn't calling _you_, Hades. It's just..._Hermes is taunting me with emoticons!_

Hades: Huh? Emoticons?

Athena: Smiley faces!

Hades: Oh. I don't like smiling faces.

Athena: No! Not just _any_ smiling face! Scroll up! Those..._monstrosities _Hermes was using! _Those_ are emoticons!

Hermes: Yep! :D Ha! Athena loves emoticons so much she _proposed_ to them!

Poseidon: And of course they refused.

Hermes: No! You _had_ to ruin all the fun, didn't you, Poseidon.

Athena: I do _not_ love emoticons!

Hermes: Uh huh. You're a bad liar.

Poseidon: _Clearly_, they said no.

Athena: You _weasels_! You _emoticons_! You _Hadeses_!

Hades: _Hadeses_?

Athena: sjszdjk!

Artemis: Um, did she just get mad, or did someone knock her out?

Athena: _No one_ can knock me out, Artemis. I did _not_ propose to the emoticons!

Artemis: Uh, how are they interrelated? I mean, you not being knocked out, and you not...um...proposing to emoticons?

Athena: I thought we were on the same side, Artemis!

Artemis: We are...I think.

Apollo: Haiku!

You were on same side

Until she proposed to the

Emoticons

Athena: I did _not_ propose to them!

Artemis: The last line was only four syllables, Apollo. I'm getting tired of saying this.

Apollo: No, it's not! _Emoticons_ is five syllables! Ha!

Artemis: Actually, it's four.

Apollo: Five.

Artemis: _Four_.

Apollo: It's five syllables! Just accept it! I'm perfect! I'm a Mary Sue!

Hermes: _Gary Stu_. And no, you're not.

Apollo: Whatever. It's five syllables!

Athena: It's four syllables.

Apollo: No, it's not! _I'm - a - Ma - ry - Sue._ That's five. Ha!

Athena: The word is _emoticons_. And it's _four_ syllables.

Apollo: It's _five, _okay? _E-mo-ti-co-ns_.

Artemis: No, you're wrong again. It's _e-mo-ti-cons _. That's _four_ syllables.

Apollo: Fine.

You were on the same

Side until she proposed to

The emoticons

Artemis: Whatever.

Apollo: What? Wasn't it good?

Artemis: No.

Athena: I did _not_ propose to the emoticons! And can we _please _focus on the article? Percy proposed. Annabeth, luckily, said no.

Annabeth Chase: I watched the video! It was a _fake_!

Travis Stoll: A fake?

Connor Stoll: What's this about a fake?

Travis Stoll: What's the fake?

Connor Stoll: We didn't fake anything.

Percy Jackson: I never proposed to Annabeth. I'm not sure how they made such a convincing video.

Annabeth Chase: You pasted our pictures and imitated our voices, didn't you, Travis, Connor. No wonder it's so quiet. Any louder and it'd be clear that they weren't our voices.

Connor Stoll: But...wasn't it convincing enough?

Travis Stoll: _Idiot_!

Connor Stoll: Oh...oops.

Travis: Couldn't you keep quiet for once in your life?

Connor Stoll: Sorry!

Athena: So you posted a_ fake_ video?

Connor Stoll: Um...yeah. Sort of.

Athena: Must I take away your writing privileges on this site?

Hephaestus: _I'm_ in charge of who gets to write here, Athena.

Athena: Only on the forum. I can make it so they can't post videos. I have some say in what happens in the rest of the site.

Hephaestus: Well, yeah. Fine.

Travis Stoll: We're sorry! Please don't!

Connor Stoll: We'll never do it again!

Hermes: Fine. You have one more chance. _One_ more.

Hephaestus: So the video was a fake. Well, that sort of concludes today's discussion. Come back next week.

* * *

**A/N - So, any ideas are welcome, even though I now have a lot.**


	20. A Jackalope Comes to Olympus

**A/N - I don't own PJO, or any of the characters. I don't even own this idea. A random demigod does. ShadowFallen12 owns some of it, too.**

* * *

A Jackalope Comes to Olympus: Last Thursday, a jackalope was seen prowling around Olympus. This jackalope may have been Aphrodite, who is often transformed by Artemis.

* * *

Percy Jackson: Things must really be messed up on Olympus if this is what goes to the forum for discussion.

Zeus: _Messed up?_ Things are never _messed up_ on Olympus! How dare you suggest that!

Percy Jackson: No offence. It's just that there must have not been that many interesting articles, since this one went to the forum.

Zeus: Olympus is the _most_ interesting place! Never suggest that it isn't!

Annabeth Chase: Oh, good going, Percy, in infuriating the Lord of the Skies after your first comment. Zeus, I think he only means that this is an odd article.

Percy Jackson: Um, yeah, that's what I meant. Totally, it is. Thanks, Annabeth.

Annabeth Chase: No problem.

Zeusy: Because Olympus is _fascinating_.

Percy Jackson: Yes. Very. Wait..._Zeusy?_

Zeusy: Zeusy? What?

Percy Jackson: Um, look at your username.

Zeusy: _Zeusy?_ Who did this? _Who did this?_

Percy Jackson: I think it's kind of obvious...

Zeusy: _Obvious?_ Are you suggesting that I am missing an obvious point?

Percy Jackson: No! I mean...he's done it before.

Piper McLean: _Leo!_

Zeusy: Leo? _Leo Valdez_! I will burn you to a crisp, I will!

Percy Jackson: Um, Lord Zeus, I'd kind of prefer if you didn't. He's my friend.

Zeusy: Did you or did you not see my username?

Percy Jackson: I did, but you have no proof it was him!

Zeusy: _Hades!_ It is _obvious_ it was him!

Hades: Oh _Zeusy!_ He's crying for his mommy!

Zeusy: dfgvHkmlo! Shut _up_, Hades!

Our little friend in the basement: Poor Zeusy!

Zeusy: Shut up!

Our little friend in the basement: I'm glad you respect me enough to kill some souls for me. Gee, thanks, I really need them.

Zeusy: Our little friend in the basement? Ha!

Our little friend in the basement: Excuse me? What was that about me being _a_ _little friend in the basement_, Zeusy?

Zeusy: Look! Your username!

Beauty Queen: Did you not learn your lesson the last time, Leo?

Scary Blonde: Not a good idea, Leo.

Our little friend in the basement: You will pay, Valdez!

Mr. Hammer: Switch them back, Leo!

Zeus: You'd better!

Hephaestus: Good. Now, the rest!

Annabeth Chase: That wasn't a good idea, Leo.

Hades: Change it if you want to keep your life!

Hephaestus: He changed them, guys. Now leave him alone.

Zeus: Fine. But next time...

Apollo: So!

Around Olympus

There was seen a jackalope

Why was it up here?

Artemis: Anyone notice Aphrodite's been silent, guys?

Apollo: Um, how is that relevant?

Athena: You changed her again?

Artemis: Once at the last discussion, once on Wednesday, and once this morning.

Apollo: Thanks, sis.

Artemis: Your welcome, _little_ brother.

Apollo: Hey, I was born first!

Artemis: _I_ was, actually. Just accept it, _little_ brother.

Apollo: I'm older, okay? _You_ accept it.

Artemis: I've already accepted that I have an irresponsible, annoying _little _brother. That's enough for me.

Apollo: But I'm older!

Artemis: You are _not_. Do you want to become a jackalope? Do you, Apollo, _little_ brother?

Apollo: I do not, _little_ sister.

Zeus: Artemis is older.

Artemis: _HA!_

Apollo: No!

Artemis says that

She is older but really

I am the older

Athena: The _elder_.

Apollo: Elder? Isn't that a tree or something?

Athena: Well, it is, but I was saying that it is proper to say that you are the _elder_, not the _older_.

Artemis: Which he isn't.

Athena: That, too.

Apollo: But I _am_ older!

Artemis: Do you want to become a jackalope?

Apollo: No!

Artemis: I didn't think so. Aphrodite is a jackalope. You saw her.

Apollo: Yeah.

Artemis: She was just roaming around Olympus, with nowhere to go. Would you like that?

Apollo: No! I said no, okay?

Artemis: So admit it.

Apollo: You're older! Okay! Happy?

Artemis: Very.

Athena: Back to the article. Artemis, what was Aphrodite doing?

Artemis: She was yelling at me about her previous time as a jackalope, and talking how I should _really _date some boys. The normal, you know. She's crazy.

Athena: We know.

Hermes: And when's she turning back?

Artemis: Some time tomorrow.

Apollo: Too soon.

Artemis: Yeah.

Hephaestus: So, I should shut this -

Ares: Wait, Aph's a jackalope?

Hephaestus: I was _saying_, I should shut -

Ares: She's the jackalope I saw earlier?

Hephaestus: Yeah. Now, I should -

Ares: Why's she a jackalope?

Hephaestus: Ares, can I say something? I need to -

Ares: Artemis, what'd you do to her?

Hephaestus: I'm shutting this down now. Bye, everyone.

* * *

**A/N - Ideas are welcome! Thank you!**


	21. Artemis Flirts With a Man

**A/N - Credit to a random demigod for this idea.**

* * *

Artemis is Seen Flirting With a Man: Last Saturday, Aphrodite saw Artemis flirting with a mortal hunter.

* * *

Artemis: Lies!

Aphrodite: Oh, Artemis, at last you see some sense.

Artemis: _Sense_? I would _never_ do this! This is not me! Lies!

Aphrodite: You're..._denying_ it, Artemis? Oh, Artemis, just _admit_ it! It's nothing to be ashamed of! Be _proud_, dear sister!

Artemis: Oh, no, you are _not_ my sister. You rose up from my great-grandfather's blood. You are _not_ my sister.

Aphrodite: Oh, I don't want to be sisters with such a terrible excuse for a woman, anyways. No dating! _Not_ right!

Artemis: Like I want to see _anything_ of you, Aphrodite. You and your blindness, your ridiculous thoughts and personality.

Aphrodite: Just _admit_ it, Artemis! You fell in love with a man! Maybe you'll have _children_!

Artemis: _CHILDREN?_ Aphrodite, where in your deranged mind is that a possibility?

Aphrodite: Artemis, admit it! You're bored of your loveless life, and you want some excitement! Some _love_! Some _me_!

Hermes: ...Awkward.

Athena: You're not helping, Hermes. Just let them argue. It's their argument. And can you blame Aphrodite for acting like that?

Hermes: Can I...blame her?

Athena: I mean, do you consider it _unusual_ for her?

Hermes: Oh. No. Definitely not.

Artemis: Aphrodite, I am _not_ bored of my _perfectly good_ life, and I do not want _anything_ to do with you.

Aphrodite: That's not nice! You know you've changed...

Artemis: Is it _nice_ to spread lies about a person, Aphrodite?

Aphrodite: They're not lies! I really saw you, Artemis! You know you were flirting with that man.

Artemis: I was not _flirting_ with him! I _looked_ at him for a short moment, and then I turned him into a jackalope! Speaking of jackalopes, Aphrodite, do you want me to turn you into one?

Aphrodite: I got temporary immunization, Artemis, so you have _no_ leverage over me!

Artemis: It's temporary, though, so I can turn you into a jackalope once it wears off.

Aphrodite: I take it daily! Unless I forget to take it, I'm forever protected! Hermes's pills! Great things, those pills. Great things. Protection from jackalope...jackaloping...jackalope-transforming.. .

Artemis: You'll eventually forget, Aphrodite, and then I'll take my revenge.

Aphrodite: What would it be?

Artemis: Sorry?

Aphrodite: Hmm...

Athena: Back to the article. Artemis, did you really flirt with a man?

Artemis: No! I turned him into jackalope! Don't believe the lies of that soon-to-be-jackalope!

Athena: Good. Wouldn't want you to break your oath.

Artemis: I would never!

Aphrodite: Jackalopization!

Apollo: What?

Aphrodite is

Saying nonsense words and stuff

She is being odd

Hermes: Also known as..._what?_

Aphrodite: Hermes's pills give me protection from jackalopization!

Hermes: ...Jackalopization?

Aphrodite: Being turned into a jackalope. You know. Jackalopization. Nice word. I just came up with it on the spot! Ja-cka-lope-i-za-tion. Good for your haikus, Apollo, it's seven syllables!

Athena: Six, actually.

Apollo: Thanks, Aph!

Aphrodite says

Jackalopization

Is now a word

Artemis: Seriously? I mean...this is the most terrible haiku _ever_. It's pointless, and two lines have an incorrect number of syllables.

Apollo: It had too many syllables?

Artemis: Too _few_. Can you count, Apollo?

Apollo: Sure I can. Aph-ro-di-te-says, that's five. Ja-cka-lo-pi-za-ti-on, that's seven. Is-now-a-word, that's five. It's correct, Artemis.

Artemis: No, you're not. The first line's correct, yeah. But the second line is six syllables: Ja-cka-lope-i-za-tion. And is-now-a-word - that's four. Haikus are supposed to be 5-7-5, not 5-6-4. You should know that, Apollo.

Apollo: Well, I'll change it!

Aphrodite says

That jackalopization's

In dictionaries

Artemis: Why do you even try? What's the point?

Apollo: Of fixing it? I'm the god of poetry! My poetry has to be _superb_.

Artemis: It'll never be, Apollo, no matter how hard you try.

Apollo: Give me a chance, sis.

Artemis: I've been giving you chances for the last two millennia!

Thalia Grace: Hi, everyone, just came. Um, Artemis, did you really...?

Artemis: What? No!

Thalia Grace: Oh, good. I'd hate to have you abandon the Hunters.

Artemis: I would never do such a thing! Don't believe anything Aphrodite says. She's the biggest liar out there.

Aphrodite: It's called gossip!

Artemis: It's called _annoying everyone with pointless chatter and lies_.

Aphrodite: That's not nice. They're not _lies_, and they're _not_ pointless! *Sulks*

Hermes: Wait, did you just call Aphrodite the biggest liar out there?_ Excuse_ me, Artemis! _I_ am the biggest, best liar!

Artemis: That's the thing - Aphrodite's not a good liar at all!

Hermes: And _I_ am the best -

Artemis: We all know, Hermes. I wasn't saying you weren't.

Hermes: Oh. Good.

Thalia Grace: I was just checking, Lady Artemis.

Artemis: Very good. Hephaestus, please shut this forum down now. Just understand one thing, guys: I did _not_ flirt with that man, okay?

Hephaestus: We know, Artemis. So, shutting it down.

* * *

**A/N - So, now I have a whole truckload of ideas! Thanks, guys.**


	22. Hephaestus's Automaton Backfires

**A/N - I was going to update this on Wednesday, but I didn't have enough time. Sorry. Anyways, credit, once again, to a random demigod for this idea.**

* * *

One of Hephaestus's Automatons Backfires: Last Sunday, an automaton bird made by Hephaestus backfired, and was loose on Olympus for six hours, causing much damage, before the apologetic god of blacksmiths got it back under control.

* * *

Hephaestus: Someone tampered with it!

Hermes: Um, really? Uh...no way! Really?

Hephaestus: I am the god of blacksmiths! You think that something I made could do that?

Hermes: But...someone did something. They were a genius! Somehow...uh, they somehow managed...

Hephaestus: The person who did this was _not_ a genius. More like a self-absorbed prankster.

Hermes: Not a genius? Self-absorbed? Insulting! How dare you - um...I mean, yeah, it was very...non-genius of them, and...

Hephaestus: Wait...

Hermes: *Squeaks* Is it possible to leave now?

Hephaestus: This is suspicious...

Artemis: Hermes, you just blew your cover. _And_ you went too far this time. And I can't believe that Hephaestus -

Athena: No, Artemis, wait and let Hephaestus draw the lines for himself.

Hephaestus: I'm drawing the lines. Hermes...you're the god of pranksters, right?

Hermes: No, really, Hephaestus, that's not a nice way to put it...

Hephaestus: But you are, right?

Hermes: Well...Hephaestus, _please_...I'm the god of...travelers, merchants, you know!

Hephaestus: And pranksters.

Hermes: Not officially.

Hephaestus: Not _officially_, but it's become, like, part of your job prescription, right?

Hermes: Um...

Hephaestus: Fine! Hermes, you're a prankster, right?

Hermes: Well...yeah...

Hephaestus: Okay. And why are you so anxious when answering my questions?

Hermes: Uh...am I?

Hephaestus: Yeah, you are. And why did you insist on calling this...person a genius? Why were you offended when I said...they were self-absorbed?

Hermes: Uh...offended? *Squeaks*

Hephaestus: Hermes, it _was_ you, wasn't it.

Hermes: No! No, Hephaestus! No, please! It wasn't me!

Hephaestus: Uh huh.

Hermes: I didn't mean to do any harm, I swear!

Hephaestus: Oh, good, a confession. Well, Hermes...

Hermes: I'll help you in your workshop! I'll build another automaton!

Hephaestus: I'm sure you'll succeed...not.

Hermes: Don't underestimate the power of, um...pranksters.

Hephaestus: Sure. Anyways, Hermes, I believe I have the right to assign you to three decades of helping in my workshop...as a slave. Onlookers, I have the right to do this, right?

Athena: Most certainly.

Artemis: Yeah, you do.

Ares: Do it! Bring it up to three millennia!

Hermes: Please, guys, no!

Apollo: Guys, really...I mean, he has the right to, after what Hermes did to his reputation, but still...

Hermes: People only thought he wasn't the best blacksmith ever! Um...I mean, they only realized he had flaws...oh, great...but fewer than everyone else, of course!

Hephaestus: Nice try. Thirty years as my slave, Hermes!

Hermes: No! Please!

Hephaestus: If you're obedient, maybe I'll cut your term short.

Athena: Good strategy, Hephaestus.

Hephaestus: Yeah. Emphasis on the _maybe_.

Hermes: I'll do anything! But please, not thirty years!

Hephaestus: I told you: if you're obedient, I _might_ cut it short.

Hermes: Can I still take my Spanish lessons? I'm looking for a place! _Por favor, me wanna learño españish! _**(Auto-translate: This phrase cannot be translated into English. We're sorry for any inconveniences this may cause.)**

Athena: Wow.

Hephaestus: You'd better improve if I let you do this.

Hermes: _Me wanna improvio! Me will improvio if you allowa me to takear los lessonios of españish. _**(Auto-translate: -)**

Athena: Please, just speak in English. Or Greek!

Hermes: That's not fun.

Athena: At least they're languages!

Hermes: Spanish is a language.

Athena: Yeah, but that wasn't Spanish.

Hermes: Which is why I must take Spanish classes.

Demeter: HEPHAESTUS! Your automaton completely _ruined_ my fields! It murdered so many flowers and innocent other plants! How _dare_ you interfere with my fields! You set me back so many days, -

Athena: Calm down, Demeter. Hermes messed with Hephaestus's automatons. He's responsible. Hephaestus thanked him by assigning him thirty years of slave work.

Demeter: HERMES!

Artemis: Hermes...was that the only automaton you broke?

Hermes: Um...yeah! Of course! I'd never break any automatons...I mean, I'd never break more than one, because, one's like...one's, like, the most I could break...and, um, it's not nice to break more than one...

Hephaestus: Hermes, how many did you tamper with?

Hermes: Just the one!

Hephaestus: Hermes. _How many?_

Hermes: Well, three...fine, eight...if you count those other ones that I hid around Olympus, eighty-four...

Hephaestus: _Eighty-four?_

Athena: Oh, great. They'll be wrecking things soon...

Hephaestus: Need to shut this down! Must...track...down...missing...automatons...

* * *

**A/N - And there you have it.**


	23. Annabeth Breaks Up With Percy

**A/N: Credit to Daughter of Khione for this idea.**

* * *

Annabeth Chase Breaks Up With Percy J.: Because he messed up her blueprints of Olympus, Annabeth Chase, demigod daughter of Athena, broke up with Percy Jackson, demigod son of Poseidon.

* * *

Athena: About time, Annabeth.

Annabeth Chase: About time the Stolls quit writing libel!

Travis Stoll: Libel? Huh?

Annabeth Chase: This _never_ happened, and you know it! Even if Seaweed Brain _had_ messed with my blueprints, I wouldn't -

Athena: What is this, lie to Athena day?

Annabeth Chase: What?

Athena: So, you make me think you had seen sense, then admit that you're still blinded by that boy. I see.

Annabeth Chase: I never said that we broke up. The Stolls did. Not true! Libel!

Katie Gardner: Can we arrest them, then?

Travis Stoll: Arrest us? Katie, no! How could you? We're...friends! Comrades!

Katie Gardner: You prank me every day. Friends? Comrades? Just because we were on the same side in the Titan War -

Connor Stoll: What's libel?

Annabeth Chase: Libel: Defamation by written or printed words, pictures, or in any form other than spoken words or gestures.

Connor Stoll: ... What?

Annabeth Chase: Defamation by written or printed words, pictures, or in any form -

Connor Stoll: English, please.

Annabeth Chase: That _was_ in English.

Hermes: Perhaps you want it in Spanish? Ahem..._Defamación para ritin o paritted words, picturios, o in any foriom otro de hablar words o jisters. _**(Auto-translate: -)**

Athena: Have you found a tutor yet? You really need one, you know.

Hermes: I'm still looking for one.

Connor Stoll: Is my dyslexia acting up again, or has Dad gone crazy?

Athena: More toward the latter.

Connor Stoll: ...latter?

Athena: The second.

Connor Stoll: Okay...so, what is libel?

Annabeth Chase: It's sort of like spreading false rumors through, in this case, news articles.

Travis Stoll: I would understand the word if it at all related to this situation.

Annabeth Chase: It completely relates to this situation! This is a perfect example of libel!

Connor Stoll: We never lied!

Annabeth Chase: This never happened. We never broke up. He never messed up my blueprints.

Percy Jackson: Blueprints? Huh? What blueprints? And why are you all talking about us breaking up?

Annabeth Chase: Read the article, Seaweed Brain.

Percy Jackson: Would it be too much trouble to just tell me?

Annabeth Chase: *Sighs* Fine. Look. The Stolls wrote an article claiming that you messed with my blueprints of Olympus, and that we broke up because of it.

Percy Jackson: They said that? Seriously?

Annabeth Chase: Yep, they did.

Percy Jackson: Whoa, guys. Not cool. I never messed up her blueprints, and we're still together...as far as I know.

Travis Stoll: How far do you know?

Percy Jackson: Farther than _you_ know.

Connor Stoll: Oh, really? How do you know that I haven't been spying on you two 24/7?

Travis Stoll: We.

Connor Stoll: That_ we_ haven't been spying on you. Fine, Travis. We.

Percy Jackson: Fine. Tell me, what was I doing this morning?

Travis Stoll: You were sleeping!

Connor Stoll: You were!

Percy Jackson: Stalkers! How did you know that?

Annabeth Chase: Because we all know that you sleep super late - like, until seven or eight.

Percy Jackson: Hmm. Fine, what was _Annabeth_ doing this morning?

Annabeth Chase: Good luck guessing.

Travis Stoll: Um, Connor, do you remember?

Connor Stoll: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. ..

Travis Stoll: Connor! Wake up!

Connor Stoll: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz wha - sorry, what? Just sorta drifted off, you knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

Travis Stoll: Connor! Wake up! I said, do you remember?

Connor Stoll: Remember? What she was doing? She was...sleeping?

Annabeth Chase: Wrong. Ha! You know _nothing_ of what we do!

Connor Stoll: Not for long! As soon as we get a chance to put the camera in, we'll -

Travis Stoll: _CONNOR!_

Connor Stoll: What?

Travis Stoll: Why did you tell them? Why? I told you not to tell anyone! _Anyone_!

Connor Stoll: About the camera?

Travis Stoll: Yes, the camera! The awesome plan that you just messed up!

Annabeth Chase: Camera? _Camera?_ Oh, no, you don't. If I see _any_ trace of a camera in or near our cabin...you'll be in for it.

Travis Stoll: Oh, very good, Connor. Thanks a lot. I _really_ appreciate your efforts to ruin our plan.

Connor Stoll: You're welcome! I thought you'd be mad! It wasn't on purpose, but still, you're welcome! Should I tell them about the tripwire, too? Or should I keep that a surprise?

Travis Stoll: That was _sarcasm_, idiot! Ever heard of it? And _very _good, Connor, you just gave away both our plans.

Connor Stoll: Sorry.

Apollo: Haha. Ha. Heh.

Connor and Travis

Just gave away a good plan

Haha, in their face!

Hephaestus: *Groans* Okay, I've had enough. I'm shutting this thing down.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you liked it.**


	24. Hermes Learns Spanish

**A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update. Anyways, credit to FireBird128 for this idea, though I was planning to do it anyways.**

* * *

Hermes Learns Spanish: Bored with other languages, Hermes has decided to learn Spanish.

* * *

Hermes: It's true! Spanish! Me! _Me namo es Hermes._ **(Auto-translate: -)**

Athena: Um, maybe we should remove the Spanish auto-translate. It's really not doing anything but clog up the forum.

Hephaestus: Sounds good.

**_(Spanish auto-translate has been deactivated)_**

Hermes: But...but...you need to translate what I say!

Athena: You're not speaking in Spanish, so really, there is no point.

Hermes: _Me is habling in españish!_

Athena: Proof.

Hermes: _Que?_

Athena: If you meant _what_, there is an accent over the _e_, and if you meant it as a question, you're missing the upside-down question mark. Like: _¿Qué?_

Hermes: Athena...you...you speak Spanish?

Athena: I'm Athena. Of course I speak Spanish. I speak _every_ language.

Hermes: ... Wow. Well...Athena, why? Why? I wanted to be _original_ here!

Athena: There is no _original_ with me around.

Hephaestus: Excuse me, Athena, Hephaestus TV was _very_ original, and _I_ invented it.

Athena: Yeah, but that was a few centuries ago. Now, almost nothing has not been done before.

Hephaestus: That's thinking on pretty wide terms.

Athena: I think on wide terms.

Hephaestus: Yes, I figured that.

Hermes: Guys! Not important! Guys, I'm learning Spanish! _Me learno españish!_

Ares: Guys, why did you deactivate the Spanish auto-translate? I don't know Spanish! I don't understand a word he's saying.

Athena: That's because he's not speaking in Spanish, Ares.

Hermes: I am! _Me_, like, me. _Learno_, because, you know, there's some conjugation thing that my tutor was lecturing me about. And _españish, _which means Spanish, obviously.

Athena: Come back when you actually know Spanish, please.

Hermes: I _do_ know Spanish!

Athena: No, you don't.

Hermes: I do!

Apollo: Haiku!

Actually, Hermes,

Clearly you don't know Spanish

That is not Spanish

Artemis: You might as well have _this_ be a haiku, Apollo:

This is a haiku.

This is really a haiku.

This is a haiku.

Apollo: Five...seven...five...Arty, that _is_ a haiku.

Artemis: Don't call me Arty! And what about this, Apollo?

One two three four five

One two three four five and six

One two three four five

Apollo: That's a haiku, too.

Artemis: Barely!

Apollo: It technically is.

Artemis: Technically! Yours and that one aren't that different.

Apollo: Whoa. Whoa, Arty. That's not nice. That's not something you say to the god of poetry.

Artemis: The god of poetry. Oh, yes, the god of poetry. I forgot, you see. It's easy to forget you're the god of poetry when you can't recite a poem for your life.

Apollo: Arty, I'm warning you.

Hephaestus: Um, Apollo, you might want to be careful around people who take great pleasure in making you go _poof_ and turn into a jackalope.

Apollo: Aw, Arty wouldn't do that to _me_.

Artemis: Try me.

Apollo: ... Try...you? Arty, what...?

Artemis: Apollo, call me "Arty" one more time, and you're toast. A toasty jackalope.

Apollo: Oh. No thanks.

Artemis: Good decision.

Hermes: Guys! Spanish! _Me invito mi teachero de españish!_

Ares: What?

Hermes: I've invited my Spanish teacher onto the forum! He's an immortal, don't worry. He made a funny username, though...not his real name.

Hephaestus: Wait, you were serious about that? Oh, man, he's really going to use that...eh, it doesn't really matter. The _one_ exception to the real-names rule.

Hermes: _Como, mi teachero de españish!_

Mr. Spanish Teacher: No, no! It's _Vienes, mi profesor de español_. Remember, we worked on vocabulary. And _venir_ is _to come_. You know the conjugation.

Hermes: Oh...oh, yeah. Sorry.

Mr. Spanish Teacher: Hermes, were you paying attention?

Hermes: Yes! Of course I was! _Me payo attentiano!_

Mr. Spanish Teacher: No, Hermes, please stick to the material we covered in class today.

Hermes: Um...what did we cover?

Mr. Spanish Teacher: Conjugations, Hermes. _Las conjugaciones._

Hermes: Oh. Um...what conjugations?

Mr. Spanish Teacher: So you weren't paying attention.

Hermes: No! I just...forgot!

Mr. Spanish Teacher: Hermes, I need more of an effort from you. Greek god or not, I expect full effort from each and all of my pupils.

Hermes: Sorry. So...conjugations.

Mr. Spanish Teacher: Yes, conjugations. Look in your notebook, Hermes. If the verb ends in -ar, the -

Hermes: Where's my notebook?

Mr. Spanish Teacher: Is it not in your backpack?

Hermes: Where's my backpack?

Mr. Spanish Teacher: Hermes, did you lose your notes?

Hermes: No! Just my backpack!

Mr. Spanish Teacher: Where you kept your notes.

Hermes: Well...yeah.

Mr. Spanish Teacher: So, Hermes, let's take a Spanish verb ending in -ar. Can you provide me with one? Do you remember any from today's lesson?

Hermes: Um...what was it...talkar? Yes, talkar...right? To talk?

Mr. Spanish Teacher: No, Hermes, it's _hablar_. To speak. Tell me, Hermes, how do you say "to speak" in Spanish?

Hermes: Uh...to talkar?

Mr. Spanish Teacher: No, Hermes, it's _hablar_.

Hermes: Oh, yes. I remember. Hablar.

Mr. Spanish Teacher: Good. So, Hermes, do you remember how to say "I speak"?

Hermes: Uh..._I talkar_?

Mr. Spanish Teacher: The verb is _hablar_.

Hermes: Yes. Sorry. So..._I hablar_?

Mr. Spanish Teacher: You have the verb, at least. But remember, Hermes, when you change the subject, you substitute out the verb ending - in this case, the -ar. Do you remember what for, here?

Hermes: Yes! I remember! O!

Mr. Spanish Teacher: Yes. Can you replace this in the verb _hablar_?

Hermes: Uh..._hablaro_?

Mr. Spanish Teacher: No! You substitute it, remember?

Hermes: What do you mean?

Mr. Spanish Teacher: Look: _Hablar_. Take out the ending. Now we have, _habl_. Add on the ending. Now we have: _hablo._ I talk. _Hablo_.

Hermes: Oh. Oh, yeah.

Mr. Spanish Teacher: So, Hermes, are you going to remember this?

Hermes: Oh, yeah! Yeah! Sure! I totally will!

Athena: Uh-huh. Sure you will.

Mr. Spanish Teacher: So, Hermes, please tell me how to say "I speak".

Hermes: _Talko_! Now, I forgot there were others here...I mean it, I really forgot...Um, can we continue this another time?

Mr. Spanish Teacher: Fine. But you'd better have memorized your conjugations my then. Because you were _wrong_ then. The verb is _hablar_, okay?

Hermes: Yes. _Hablar_. Got it.

Mr. Spanish Teacher: Vocabulary, too, Hermes. Remember, Hermes you have homework!

Hermes: Yep.

Mr. Spanish Teacher: I'm off for now. For _now_.

Hermes: Yep. Bye.

Athena: Well, Hermes. Your Spanish _really_ needs improvement.

Hermes: I know. _I knowar_.

Athena: Seriously, Hermes. Go do your homework.

Hephaestus: Homework. Ha. Anyways, I think that concludes our discussion for today.


	25. Tratie at Camp Half Blood

**A/N: I don't own PJO.**

* * *

Tratie at Camp Half Blood: At Camp Half Blood, Travis Stoll and Katie Gardner have been dating.

* * *

Aphrodite: Yay! I always waited for my children to write articles!

Athena: Oh, great. Why must you clog up the newspaper with your pointless articles? And _who_ decided for _this_ article to go to the forum for discussion?

Aphrodite: It was a _vote_, Athena. And this was the winner.

Athena: You'd say, _there was an election_. Not, _it was a vote_.

Aphrodite: I don't care.

Drew Tanaka: Of course this one won! I wrote it!

Lacy: I helped.

Drew Tanaka: _I_ wrote it.

Lacy: I wrote paragraph two.

Drew Tanaka: Lacy, honey, that was the most terribly written paragraph I've ever read.

Piper McLean: It was better than all of _yours_, Drew. And also, you only wrote one paragraph. I wrote one, and Lacy wrote one, and...most of the cabin.

Drew Tanaka: Piper, hon, seriously, stop taking all the credit. Just because you're...cabin leader now doesn't mean you can say you did everything.

Piper McLean: Drew, I'm not taking all the credit. I'm handing out the credit _equally_. You're just jealous that our paragraphs were better than yours.

Drew Tanaka: Piper, if I was cabin leader, you'd be _so_ sorry that -

Piper McLean: Can I remind you of something? You're _not_ cabin leader. _I_ am.

Lacy: A _very_ good thing.

Drew Tanaka: Piper, hon, you'll never convince me to follow you. Look what you've done to the cabin. You've thrown away its moral, its purpose, its -

Travis Stoll: Wait. Tell me I misread that article. Tell me my dyslexia was acting up.

Connor Stoll: You didn't! You really! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Katie Gardner: Really. Really, Travis?

Travis Stoll: What? You _believe_ that?

Katie Gardner: You told them we're dating? What's up with that? And they actually believed you?

Connor Stoll: Wishful thinking, huh, Travis? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Travis Stoll: I never told them anything! Why they'd think that, I don't know!

Drew Tanaka: It's obvious! You prank her!

Travis Stoll: I prank _everybody_! I even prank Chiron! Do you think I'm in love with _him_?

Drew Tanaka: Hmm. Travis...Chiron... Good idea, hon, never thought of it.

Travis Stoll: Hey! Wait! I -

Lacy: Would it be "Triron" or "Chavis"?

Piper McLean: Ha. I prefer Chavis, Lacy. Ha.

Travis Stoll: Don't play along with them!

Connor Stoll: So, Travis, you and Katie? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Travis Stoll: Hey, they're just saying that because I prank her! That is _not_ enough evidence!

Lacy: And also, when you prank her, she's always, like, "Travis, that's mean! Stop it!" She doesn't, like, bust your head.

Drew Tanaka: "Stop it, Travis! I love you! I'm going to grow flowers in your window and pretend it's because I'm mad at you!"

Travis Stoll: Well, that _is_ true, she _did_ grow flowers in my window...

Katie Gardner: Because I was angry!

Drew Tanaka: Uh-huh. Hon, there's no hiding it.

Aphrodite: Don't deny the call of love! You may be the daughter of Demeter, but you're in my territory now!

Demeter: What? Huh? Aphrodite, why'd you call me?

Aphrodite: What? You don't know?

Demeter: _Know_? Know _what_, exactly? The only thing I care about right now is that group in the south who burned all those fields! How _could_ they? That was fertile ground! It held so much life! It's like killing a child! Before it has a chance to shine!

Aphrodite: Demeter, no one _cares_. But surely you read the article.

Demeter: Hades! No one _cares_ about your silly article! They burned the _fields_! How could they do such a horrible thing? I spent the morning mourning!

Connor Stoll: You said morning twice.

Demeter: _Grieving_, then! The poor field! They _burned_ it! How could they be so cruel?

Aphrodite: Demeter, you really should read the article. It has to do with your daughter. Katie.

Demeter: Katie? Is she all right? Did you give her a potion, Aphrodite?

Aphrodite: Potion? Um...no. She wandered into my realm quite willingly, actually.

Demeter: Your realm? What...

Aphrodite: Read the article!

Katie Gardner: It's not true! Don't believe a word you read!

Demeter: At Camp Half Blood...Travis Stoll...Katie Gardner..._WHAT?_

Katie Gardner: It's not true!

Demeter: Of all people, Katie! That no good son-of-a-Hermes! Did you see how he trashed my cabin?

Katie Gardner: Not true! It's a lie!

Demeter: A...lie? Oh. Good! Those children of Aphrodite!

Katie Stoll: Yeah. They "drew conclusions" from "evidence".

Demeter: Aphrodite, kindly keep your spawn under control.

Aphrodite: They're _very_ under control.

Demeter: Not!

Aphrodite: They are _so_ under control!

Demeter: Not even worth arguing, Aphrodite.

Aphrodite: I'll give you a makeover!

Demeter: I'll stop giving you flowers for your perfume!

Aphrodite: You wouldn't dare! I'll make your flowers smell bad!

Demeter: I'll grow those bad-smelling flowers in your cabin!

Aphrodite: I'll make your hair smell bad for all of eternity!

Demeter: I'll -

Athena: Um, can you two stop it?

Demeter: I dare you to fight me, Aphrodite! Your children are spreading lies about mine! I dare you, Aphrodite! My fountain! Right now!

Aphrodite: I will win!

Demeter: We'll see about that!

Hephaestus: They're really gone. They both just logged off.

Athena: Wow.

Katie Stoll: Look what you did. All because of your silly article.

Lacy: *Giggles*

Katie Stoll: What?

Lacy: Your username.

Katie Stoll: Oh. Leo, I heard what you did. I know it's you. Please change my username back.

Leo: Aw, come on.

Katie Gardner: It's not funny.

Leo: Hey, I changed it!

Katie Gardner: Good.

Hephaestus: Well, if the matter is resolved, I guess it's time to shut this down.

* * *

**A/N: Ideas, anyone?**


	26. Chavis at Camp Half Blood

**A/N - I actually ****_have_**** seen this pairing. It's...just ****_wrong_****.**

**I don't own PJO. This shouldn't be news.**

* * *

Chavis at Camp Half Blood: At Camp Half Blood, Travis Stoll, demigod son of Hermes, and Chiron, centaur, have been dating.

* * *

Travis Stoll: Seriously? _Seriously_? I thought you guys were _joking_ about that!

Lacy: No! Not joking!

Travis Stoll: Yeah, I've gathered that. You clearly -

Lacy: Well, duh.

Travis Stoll: Why me? Why not Connor?

Lacy: Connor isn't dating Chiron, that's why!

Travis Stoll: Neither am I! Connor would date him long before I would!

Connor Stoll: Hey, the age gap's a bit smaller for you.

Travis Stoll: He's two millennia older than I am!

Chiron: What's...what's this all about?

Travis Stoll: Those crazy -

Piper McLean: We found out your secret.

Chiron: Secret? What secret?

Travis Stoll: The article! Read the article, Chiron! Oh, the _article_...

Chiron: Um, yeah, about the article...

Travis Stoll: So you _did_ read it?

Chiron: I always read the articles. I'm just not stupid enough to engage in the forum discussion. I thought it'd keep _me_ out of discussion. But clearly it didn't...

Connor Stoll: Ha! Chavis! _Travis and Chiron, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!_

Chiron: Excuse me, Connor, but if you haven't noticed, I'm a _centaur_, and as a result, it is quite difficult for me to climb trees.

Connor Stoll: Whatever.

Lacy: We found out your secret!

Chiron: Lacy, where did you get your evidence?

Lacy: Look at last week's discussion! Travis loved Katie because he was pranking her, right? Well, Travis pointed out that he pranks you, too! So, conclusion drawn!

Chiron: Why do you think that because he pranks someone, he must love them?

Lacy: He's getting their attention! Chiron, we know _everything_ about these tactics...

Chiron: That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Well, not counting the time Zeus told me that Eros shot...never mind.

Lacy: Eros! He's our half brother, guys! He's awesome! I wish Mom would give _me_ a magic bow and arrow...

Chiron: The _point_ is, Travis pranks _everyone_. Does that mean that he loves _everyone_?

Travis Stoll: Please, Chiron, that's how we got to this article, don't go down that road...

Chiron: Oh. I see. Sorry.

Athena: Seriously, people? You let them basically take over the forum for two weeks straight?

Aphrodite: We're _improving_ the newspaper, Athena.

Athena: Oh, yes. Sure you are.

Aphrodite: I'm glad you agree. I thought for a second that you were daring to argue with me.

Athena: Ever heard of _sarcasm_? I am most definitely arguing with you!

Aphrodite: Arguing with me?!

Athena: Must you have six question marks and six exclamation marks? _Yes_, I am arguing with you.

Aphrodite: People like our articles! Don't be a party-pooper, Athena.

Athena: Don't be a party-maker. Parties are the most obnoxious, time-wasting -

Dionysus: Obnoxious? Time wasting? Watch your words, Athena. You did _not_ just call parties obnoxious and time wasting. I _know_ you did not just -

Athena: In my opinion, Dionysus, parties -

Dionysus: Athena, how in Hades could you think that -

Athena: Parties almost never have trivia contests, I can say that much!

Dionysus: That's not important! They almost always have wine, and that's what matters!

Athena: Why? So you can get drunk?

Dionysus: Yes!

Athena: _Hades_, Dionysus, it's very hard to study and read when you're drunk!

Dionysus: Who cares? _Di immortales_, Athena, do you really think that any other god cares to read at all?

Athena: I -

Aphrodite: Athena! Dionysus! _Language_!

Hades: Oh _Zeus_! Parties are best when there's no wine and no trivia contests! But - oh _Zeus_! That never happens!

Zeus: What do you want?

Hades: I want you all to stop cursing using my name!

Chiron: Yeah, and _I_ want you all to stop talking about...what was it? Chavis!

Hermes: Shipping, you mean.

Chiron: Excuse me?

Hermes: In proper speak - like, here we all is, in dis forum, shipping Chavis, _señora _Travis Stoll and _señora_ centaur, happily evah aftah - we call it _shipping_. You believe in Chavis, you ship Chavis. See?

Chiron: What?

Hermes: Uh? Did I get you with my proper speak?

Chiron: ...?

Hermes: Shipping. Like, I do not ship Chavis because I would prefer it if my son was not married to a centaur, you know. Because that would be weird.

Travis Stoll: Trust me, Dad, I have no plans to marry a centaur.

Connor Stoll: Just admit it, Travis.

Travis Stoll: How can I admit it if it isn't true?

Demeter: This. Is. Weird. Chavis? Huh?

Hermes: Oh, joy. Why don't you join us, Demeter?

Demeter: That's what I'm doing, obviously. And...what...this article...Chavis? Really, Chiron... Well, as long as Katie's off the hook, I'm happy.

Hermes: Are you kidding? It would be so much better if Travis was with Katie, and not that old centaur...

Travis Stoll: Dad! I'm not dating _either_ of them! Just because they wrote an article saying I am does _not_ mean -

Aphrodite: There's no use denying it.

Chiron: _My friends_...could you kindly accept that I am _not_ dating Travis, and that that is simply an absurd thought?

Lacy: Aw, come on...you're no fun.

Chiron: Please, Lacy.

Lacy: Fine. No Chavis. However much I wish there was. You need some _love_, Chiron.

Chiron: I'm good, thanks.

Lacy: Fine...

Chiron: So, no more articles about me, okay?

Lacy: Fine...

Chiron: Swear. On the river Styx.

Lacy: I swear on the river...Styx.

Chiron: Good. Anyways, I'm off.

Hephaestus: And there he goes.

Travis Stoll: No Chavis! None! Never! Nope! None!

Connor Stoll: Chavis. Ha.

Travis Stoll: Yes, hilarious. Now, kindly shut up.

Hephaestus: Um, now that one of the subjects of the discussion has logged off, I believe it is time to shut the forum down.

Travis Stoll: Yes! Please do.

Hephaestus: All right, then.


	27. Hellhounds at Camp Half-Blood

**A/N - Credit to a guest for this idea.**

* * *

Hellhounds at Camp Half-Blood?: Last Friday, a hellhound appeared during a capture-the-flag game at Camp Half Blood, causing panic.

* * *

Percy Jackson: Now, _that's_ how you're awesome, Mrs. O'Leary.

Leo: I'm tempted to change my username to "Mrs. O'Leary" and write _woof_.

Percy Jackson: She's still awesome, even if you're writing for her.

Leo: Whatever. And dude, that was _not_ cool. I was chasing after Connor, and this huge...animal, hellhound, whatever it is, comes flying through the trees and knocks me over. _Not_ cool.

Percy Jackson: Ah...well, sorry.

Leo: Well, it _was_ kind of awesome...flying dogs, you know...but still. Dude, that was _cheating_.

Percy Jackson: Ah, Mrs. O'Leary is awesome. Don't question.

Leo: Mm. Cheating, still. We would've won. I was almost at the flag, and that dog came _again_, and knocked me over _again_.

Percy Jackson: Sorry. I'm really, really sorry. Well, I would've been, at least, but we won because of it, so...sorry, but _not_ sorry.

Leo: Seriously?

Percy Jackson: Yep.

Annabeth Chase: It _was_ pretty awesome, though. Thank you once again, Mrs. O'Leary.

Percy Jackson: Mrs. O'Leary saves the day once again.

Athena: How did _this_ article come to the forum? I thought it'd be the least likely to. I thought people had more hope than this.

Percy Jackson: Hey! It was a decent article! I wrote it myself!

Athena: No wonder.

Percy Jackson: Hey - _hey_!

Athena: Jackson, now _you_ are polluting the newspaper.

Aphrodite: Yay! Guys, Athena's joined us! Athena, I'm _so_ glad you'd prefer to read our articles!

Athena: Are you crazy? I'd prefer to read a hundred ridiculous hellhound stories than read another of your silly, stupid romances.

Aphrodite: Silly? _Stupid_? Are...are you sure you know what we're talking about, Athena?

Athena: I'm quite positive.

Aphrodite: Athena! How could you say such a thing?

Athena: I'm just telling the truth.

Aphrodite: But surely...surely...surely you have _some_ decency, Athena...?

Athena: Oh, _I_ do. You, however...

Aphrodite: I still don't understand how you could say such a thing. Athena, you're evil. You're...you're like _Kronos_!

Athena: Oh no, you did _not_ just say that. You did _not_ just compare me to Kronos. You did _not_.

Aphrodite: Um...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh... Well, what're you going to do about it?

Athena: Hey, Artemis?

Artemis: Yeah?

Athena: Could you kindly turn Aphrodite into a jackalope for me?

Artemis: With great pleasure.

Aphrodite: What? What! Artemis! How could you - aaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

Artemis: *Brushes off hands* Everything's taken care of.

Athena: Thanks.

Artemis: No problem. Really, I love giving her what she deserves.

Hermes: Artemis, maybe you have hope after all.

Artemis: Excuse me?

Hermes: That was a really good prank.

Artemis: I don't consider it a _prank_ as much as...payback, I guess.

Hermes: Whatever. It was awesome.

Artemis: She deserved it.

Hermes: I must agree...

Percy Jackson: Um, guys, back to the article. Awesome Mrs. O'Leary! Go Mrs. O'Leary! Go! Go! Go Mrs. O'Leary!

Mrs. O'Leary: _Woof_.

Percy Jackson: Leo, really, are you comparing yourself to a dog?

Leo: An _awesome_ dog, you seem to think. Anyways...wait...am I...?

Percy Jackson: Whatever. So, those weird people ask me if I'm on Team Peeta or Team Gale, and I say, I'm on Team Mrs. O'Leary!

Leo: Whaaaaaaaaaaat?

Percy Jackson: What what?

Leo: Team what? Huh? Did I miss another hellhound attack? Did it screw up everyone else's brains?

Percy Jackson: Um...no. Well, I don't think so.

Leo: So. Team, what are you talking about?

Percy Jackson: Uh, Hunger Games reference.

Leo: ... Hunger Games?

Percy Jackson: The _only_ good book ever assigned in school. Dude, it's _awesome._ Everything's just so _messed uppedly_ awesome!

Annabeth Chase: "Uppedly" isn't a word, Percy.

Percy Jackson: Whatever. It's cool. Violent, even. It's one of those books that teachers usually wouldn't even _think_ of assigning.

Leo: If it's a school book, there's no way I'm reading it.

Percy Jackson: Dude, it's about a place where they make twenty-four children go into an arena each year and fight until only one's left standing!

Leo: ...Seriously?

Percy Jackson: Seriously. You _need_ to read it.

Hermes: Um, how did we get from the subject of pranks to the subject of books?

Percy Jackson: Okay, right.

Leo: So, the hellhound...right. Mrs. O'Leary Mrs. O'Leary wherever you are, who is the most awesome of them all?

Mrs. O'Leary: _Woof woof_. You are, Leo. You are the most awesome of them all.

Leo: Told you, you guys.

Percy Jackson: Because that was really Mrs. O'Leary.

Leo: Whatever.

Percy Jackson: Really, Leo. Have you been watching too much Snow White?

Leo: Hey, Snow White's cool. Well, not _her_, but the dwarves are. Aren't they, like, awesome craftsmen?

Percy Jackson: I don't know. All I know about Snow White is that it's about some weird person who goes to a ball and loses a slipper.

Leo: Doofus, that's _Cinderella_. Snow White is the weird girl who thinks she's so beautiful and -

Percy Jackson: Doesn't she get turned into an apple or something?

Leo: _No_. And I'm not there yet. So, she thinks she's beautiful and stuff, but her evil...stepmother, is it?...is all like, "mirror mirror on the wall! I'm prettier than she is! Everyone thinks she's more beautiful, though! I'm so mad! Mirror, you'd better tell me that _I'm_ more beautiful!" And Snow White is all like, "I'm going to run away, okay? I'm going to hide out with seven dwarves! You'll know where to find me, because I didn't hide very well!" And the evil lady is all like, "Yeah, you _didn't_ hide very well, and I'm going to give you an apple to make you fall asleep, okay?" And Snow White is all like, "Sure, I'll be sure to eat it!"

Percy Jackson: Why would she want to eat an apple that would do something bad to her?

Leo: Ask her.

Percy Jackson: Um...okay. _Hey! Snow White! Why did you eat the apple? Even _I_ know that it's not a good idea to eat an apple if a crazy lady warns you that it'll do something bad to you_!

Leo: Um...

Annabeth Chase: Uh, Percy, you _do_ know that it's not a real story, right?

Percy Jackson: What isn't?

Annabeth Chase: Snow White and the Three Dwarves.

Percy Jackson: Leo! You lied to me!

Leo: Wait. Dude, be quiet. I'm reading.

Percy Jackson: You're...reading? Leo, what happened to you?

Leo: No, I'm not reading. I'm just heading over to the..._bookstore_...to find that book you mentioned.

Percy Jackson: Oh. Bye.

Daedalus: Wait. Late. Sorry. Mrs. O'Leary, have you been causing trouble? Bad dog. Bad dog, Mrs. O'Leary. Behave, okay? I left you -

Leo: Wait - Daedalus, aren't you dead?

Annabeth Chase: Leo, didn't you go to the bookstore?

Leo: What, you actually believed that?

Annabeth Chase: Yes!

Leo: Well, whatever. I'll be getting the book...tomorrow.

Daedalus: Did Mrs. O'Leary really -

Leo: Daedalus, I thought you died.

Daedalus: What - oh, I did. Do you mean to suggest that we don't have computers in the Underworld?

Leo: Um...

Daedalus: Never mind. Percy, did Mrs. O'Leary really -

Percy Jackson: Yeah. It was good timing, though! We won because of it.

Daedalus: Still, Mrs. O'Leary -

Leo: Hey, do the computers in the Underworld work?

Daedalus: What do you think? I'm here, right? So, obviously -

Leo: How do they get their connection?

Daedalus: We have special -

Leo: Because my computer never works in the bunker. Daedalus, you need to control your dog.

Daedalus: I'm dead! Percy and Beckendorf -

Percy Jackson: Beckendorf is dead.

Daedalus: What - how did he -

Percy Jackson: He blew up.

Daedalus: Oh, great. So, Percy, you need to -

Leo: Okay, I need to go.

Daedalus: Will you all _please_ stop interrupting me?

Percy Jackson: What? Oh. Sorry.

Daedalus: Okay. So, Percy, kindly keep an eye - a _closer_ eye - on Mrs. O'Leary. Okay?

Percy Jackson: Okay. Fine.

Daedalus: Good. I need to go, too. I don't think I'll be -

Hephaestus: If everyone's leaving, I should probably shut the forum down.

Daedalus: Hephaestus! I just asked -

Hephaestus: Oh, yeah, sorry. Now, I should _really_ shut it down. Bye.


	28. Aphrodades?

**A/N - Idea credit goes to DaughterofSelene. The Persephone part is courtesy of Holly.**

* * *

Aphrodades?: Rumor has it that Aphrodite, goddess of love, and Hades, god of the Underworld, are dating.

* * *

Aphrodite: Yay! Yay! I'm dating, and people wrote about it!

Athena: Aphrodite, you're _always_ dating.

Aphrodite: Of course! Love!

Artemis: Aphrodite, did you even see who -

Aphrodite: Who? Who what?

Artemis: By Hades, Aphrodite, did you even read the article?

Hades: _Zeus_!

Zeus: What?

Hades: Zeus, Zeus, _Zeus_!

Zeus: What do you want?

Hades: I want you all to stop saying my name!

Travis Stoll: Ha-des! Ha-des! Ha-des! Ha-des! Come on, Connor!

Connor Stoll: Ha-des! Ha-des! Ha-de -

Travis Stoll: Ha-des! Ha-des! Ha -

Connor Stoll: Hadeshadeshadeshadeshadeshadeshadeshadeshadeshades !

Travis Stoll: Dude, you interrupted me.

Connor Stoll: Hadeshades -

Travis Stoll: Ha-des! Ha-d -

Hades: I will have your souls for breakfast! Or dinner. Or perhaps lunch. Which would you prefer, Persephone?

Persephone: What?

Hades: I _said_, would you prefer to have Travis and Connor Stoll's souls for breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

Persephone: Um...I prefer not to eat souls for any meal of the day.

Hades: What? They're delicious!

Persephone: Delicious? Um...no.

Hades: Fine. I'll eat them without you.

Connor Stoll: How would that work?

Hades: Oh, I'd grab your soul, send your body to the Underworld - that reminds me, I'd have to kill you first - and then I'd take a butter knife and some bread, and spread out your soul on the bread - I'd have to clean off your dirty demigod soul first, of course - and then I'd get the bread. Doesn't take too long. And with a bit of marmalade, it tastes excellent.

Connor Stoll: Oh...good to know...

Travis Stoll: In case we need to eat a soul...

Connor Stoll: If my brother's bothering me...

Travis Stoll: Good luck with _that_, Connor. I'd get _your_ soul first. Hey, does anyone have any marmalade?

Connor Stoll: What's marmalade?

Travis Stoll: Uh, does anyone know what marmalade is?

Hades: Something that goes well with souls. Oh! Persephone!

Persephone: _What_?

Hades: We can have _souls-con-marmalade_ for dessert!

Persephone: Dessert?

Hades: Yeah!

Persephone: Um...no thanks. I hope the rumors are true.

Hades: What rumors?

Persephone: The ones about you and Aphrodite.

Hades: Me...and Aphrodite?

Connor Stoll: _Hades and Aphrodite, sitting in a tree, S-M-O-O-C-H-I_...um...it's supposed to work...

Travis Stoll: Idiot. This is _basic knowledge_. It's like this: _Hades and Aphrodite, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G_.

Connor Stoll: Oh. Yeah, that.

Hades: What's this?

Persephone: Read the article.

Hades: That's what I'm off to do.

Hermes: Oh, so you're not going to eat their souls? Good.

Persephone: Do you see why I can't stand him?

Hermes: Yeah.

Hades: fgbhnjm!

Persephone: Hi, Hades. Back from your reading?

Hades: fgbkjhh!

Persephone: *Sighs* So it's not true?

Hades: Me - and - Aphrodite - are - not - together!

Hermes: If Athena was here, she'd correct your grammar.

Hades: I DON"T CARE. I am _not_ with Aphrodite. NOT NOT NOT! _LIESLIESLIESLIESLIESLIESLIESLIESLIESLIESLIESLIESLI ES_!

Persephone: Of course.

Aphrodite: Of all people! Hades! He isn't Ares, and that's what makes him _not_ my kind!

Hephaestus: You _do_ know I'm listening, right?

Aphrodite: You're not Ares! And that's _too bad for you_!

Hermes: Ouch.

Hades: Aphrodite, I _assure_ you that I don't want to date you, either.

Aphrodite: That's mean!

Percy Jackson: And that's coming from someone who regularly messes with peoples' love lives.

Aphrodite: Messes with? Huh?

Percy Jackson: Always the innocent. I see. Does anyone know where Leo is?

Leo: I do. He's at the bookstore.

Percy Jackson: Hi, Leo. Did you get the book?

Leo: No...

Percy Jackson: Well, get it soon.

Leo: Hey, don't blame me for not being excited about it. It's a _book_.

Percy Jackson: It's an _awesome_ book, though.

Leo: That's not possible.

Percy Jackson: Dude, it's about little kids killing each other!

Leo: ...Seriously?

Percy Jackson: Yeah!

Leo: Bye. I'm off to the bookstore.

Percy Jackson: See you.

Hazel Levesque: Whoa. Dad. This isn't happening. It can't be.

Hades: Lies! It's not happening!

Hazel Levesque: Good. Good. Because that would make Aphrodite...my step mom? And that would be...weird. And bad.

Aphrodite: You're mean!

Demeter: Wait a second...Hades? Aphrodite? What the...

Hades: Lies!

Demeter: What?

Hades: Lies! I am _not_ -

Demeter: Okay then. Whatever.

Travis Stoll: He is. He just doesn't want to tell you. Shh! Don't tell him I told you!

Hades: STOLL, I WILL -

Leo: Percy, I got the book.

Percy Jackson: Good. Start reading it.

Leo: Yeah...

Travis Stoll: Good timing, Leo.

Leo: Oh, you're welcome.

Hades: Okay. I've had enough. Hephaestus, _kindly_ shut the forum down.

Hephaestus: Okay. Bye, everyone.

* * *

**A/N - Please remember to review. Otherwise I won't know what you thought.**


	29. Thalio at Camp Half-Blood

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. All credit to DaughterofSelene.**

* * *

Thalio at Camp Half-Blood: At Camp Half-Blood, Leo Valdez, demigod son of Hephaestus, and Thalia Grace, demigod daughter of Zeus and lieutenant of Artemis, have been dating.

* * *

Artemis: Wha - _what_?

Leo Valdez: Haha! Woo-hoo! I always _knew_ that you -

Thalia Grace: You knew that I what? Choose your choice of words carefully.

Leo Valdez: That you like - uh, that you like pie!

Thalia Grace: Pie? Interesting choice of words. At least _this_ one has some truth in it.

Leo: Only _some_ truth?

Thalia Grace: I don't eat pie very often. But that's not the point. Someone wrote this article - gee, I wonder _who_ - and _lied_ -

Leo: Lied? I thought you _liked_ pie. You just said -

Thalia Valdez: _This article_, Valdez.

Leo: Hehe.

Thalia Valdez: Something wrong?

Leo: No! Nothing at all! Must...change...

Thalia: _What_ did you do, Leo?

Leo: What's the fun in telling you...?...um...I mean...

Thalia: _What_?

Leo: What what? - Haha.

Thalia: Leo, what did you do?

Leo: I didn't - oh, yeah, _Grace_. Sorry.

Thalia Grace: Leo. Tell. Me.

Leo: Oh, yeah, uh, hehe...I...I sorta...left out your last name! Grace!

Thalia Grace: Left out my last name for _what_?

Leo: Oh...uh...um...ah, Thalia, I'm sorry, I...changed your username! Yes, that's right. I changed your username, and took out your last name.

Thalia Grace: I'm signed in as _Thalia Grace_ right now, which _is_ my name. Tell me! What did you do!

Leo: Oh...I thought I'd changed your username, but I guess I didn't...haha!

Thalia Grace: What the...

Piper McLean: Scroll up.

Thalia Grace: Sorry?

Piper McLean: He changed your last name to - um, I'll let you see for yourself.

Thalia Grace: *Scrolls up*

Piper: I guess I'll let you handle this.

Thalia Grace: LEO VALDEZ!

Leo: *Straightens tie* Yes?

Thalia Grace: We are _not_ married! I would _never_ marry you! I am a _Hunter_! And even if I wasn't, I _still_ wouldn't marry you! You filthy, scummy son-of-a-Hephaestus! I am _not_ your wife! My last name stays the _same_!

Hephaestus: Hold on, since when is it bad to be my son?

Thalia Grace: Proof right there!

Hephaestus: Right where?

Thalia Grace: Leo Valdez!

Leo: _Yes_?

Hephaestus: I don't see the problem with being my son.

Thalia Grace: Well -

Beauty Queen: Um, Thalia, he's a god, you know, so maybe it would be better if you _didn't_ provoke him?

Thalia Grace: Oh, well, _sorry_ if I offended you, Hephaestus. You just clearly didn't see what your son -

Hermes: I saw! Ooh! *Raises hand* I saw! Thalia Valdez! Great, great, Leo!

Leo: *Bows* Thank you. Oh, how I wish she -

Thalia Grace: Just so you know, I have a poisoned arrow strung right now, pointed at your neck. Just so you know.

Leo: Wha - wait, where are you? Aren't you, like, in the forest or something?

Thalia Grace: You're in the bunker, Leo. Right outside it, I mean. Your laptop is on a tree stump. We've set up camp closer than you think.

Leo: _What?_

Thalia Grace: That's right, Valdez. I'm watching you. And I have an arrow pointed at you. Want to say anything?

Leo: Huh?

Thalia Grace: Any..._corrections_ to make?

Leo: That Thalia's last name is Val - um, Grace?

Thalia Grace: Not as a question.

Leo: Thalia Grace.

Thalia Grace: Better. Anything else?

Leo: Uh, we aren't dating?

Thalia Grace: Good.

Leo: So...what now?

Thalia Grace: Well, we start with having _you_ kicked off of this forum.

Leo: Oh...um...

Thalia Grace: And then, we -

Leo: Shouldn't we tell Artemis first? Like, so you don't get fired?

Thalia Grace: I was about to do that. Hey, Artemis!

Leo: You still there?

Artemis: Am I still here? Of _course_ I'm still here! Is it not obvious? You just accused my lieutenant of breaking her vow, and -

Leo: Hey, it was a false accusation.

Artemis: That's not an excuse!

Leo: Hey, she's off the hook!

Artemis: I don't care if this is a forum, boy, accuse a Hunter of such a..._mistake_, and your head will join my collection.

Apollo: Huh?

Sis, I didn't know

You had a head collection

That is dangerous

Artemis: They're _animal_ heads, idiot. But this boy is most certainly an animal, and a _domestic_ one at that.

Leo: _Hey!_

Aphrodite: Artemis, it would be a better insult to call him a _wild_ animal. Ah! I can't believe I'm giving insult suggestions! Insults are not romantic _at all_!

Leo: Yeah! I'm a _wild_ animal!

Artemis: No, you are most certainly a domestic. You are not worthy of being considered wild! Aphrodite, that is a better insult!

Aphrodite: I know! Thanks for taking my advice, Art...um, you did?

Artemis: Your suggestion was silly.

Aphrodite: _Silly_? You can't be serious! I am most certainly not _silly_! And "wild" is a _very_ good insult. I'd _hate_ to be called wild!

Artemis: Don't worry, you're even less worthy of being considered wild than he is, and that's saying something.

Aphrodite: Thanks!

Artemis: It was an _insult_, air-head. Don't _thank_ me.

Aphrodite: But you said...I was not wild! That's a compliment, right?

Artemis: It was most certainly _not_ a compliment.

Aphrodite: Wild is bad! Domestic is good!

Artemis: Your brain is inside out.

Aphrodite: You - you -

Artemis: Κεφαλή Αέρα **(Auto-translate: Air Head)**

Aphrodite: What -

Hermes: Someone fixed the auto-translate?

Hephaestus: It was never broken. We just shut of the _Spanish_ Auto-translate the other week so we wouldn't have to watch it stumble over your nonsense.

Hermes: Me no hablar españish.

Mr. Spanish Teacher: You never do your homework, you never study, you never do _anything_! Remember the conjugation, Hermes? Let's say it together.

Hermes: No! Not here! I'll - I'll come over later!

Mr. Spanish Teacher: Did you complete pages 23 through 45? Exercises 1 through 6? Lesson Two?

Hermes: Uh...yeah! Yes, I did!

Mr. Spanish Teacher: We'll see about that later, Hermes.

Hermes: Oh...oops. Gotta go, people. Bye!

Artemis: As I was saying, "domestic" is a terrible insult.

Aphrodite: I'd _hate_ to be called wild! Πάντα εγχώρια! **(Auto-translate: Always domestic!)**

Artemis: Gah, domestic is for losers!

Aphrodite: "Wild" is terrible! Wild people - no love!

Artemis: Exactly! Άγρια πάνω από όλα **(Auto-translate: Wild over all)**

Aphrodite: Are you kidding? Αγάπη εγχώρια. **(Auto-translate: Love domestic.) **

Artemis: What -

Aphrodite: It's a pun! Now, even for you, domestic-ness is irresistible! Am I right? Oh, why do I even ask? Of _course_ I am! Haha!

Artemis: Old ladies never make any sense.

Aphrodite: _Old_?

Artemis: Yes. You're in the form of a middle-aged lady, while _I_ am in the form of a teenager. A pre-teen!

Aphrodite: A _young_ lady, Artemis!

Artemis: Far older than _my_ form.

Aphrodite: I -

Hephaestus: I hate your arguments, you two. Go argue in the park or something. I'm shutting this forum down. Bye.

* * *

**A/N - Who do you agree with here - Artemis or Aphrodite?**


	30. Mini-Olympics on Olympus

**A/N: All credit goes to DaughterofSelene.**

* * *

Mini Olympics On Olympus: Next week, Olympus will be holding a mini Olympics. The events to be taking place are still to be decided.

* * *

Artemis: One word: Archery.

Hermes: Huh? Wait. So we're, like, coming up with ideas for events?

Artemis: Yes. Archery.

Hermes: Surely we can come up with more than that.

Artemis: Archery.

Hermes: Anything else?

Artemis: _Archery_.

Hermes: Like, apart from that.

Artemis: Archery, the target being Hermes's head.

Hermes: Ah! No, I didn't mean -

Artemis: Archery, then.

Hermes: Fine.

Apollo: Poetry contest!

Artemis: Sorry?

Apollo: Look!

We can compete in

Poetry competition

Because they're awesome

Artemis: Um...no. Archery.

Apollo: Poetry!

Haikus are better

Than archery contests 'cause

They are more awesome

Artemis: You are mistaken.

Apollo: I am not!

Artemis is mistaken

She thinks that archery is

Better than haikus

Artemis: You _totally_ messed up there.

Apollo: Sorry?

Artemis: Haikus are 5-7-5, _O Haiku Master_.

Apollo: Thanks!

Artemis: Ever heard of sarcasm? _Anyways_, haikus are 5-7-5.

Apollo: I know! Why tell me, Artemis? I'm the god of poetry, and therefore of haikus! I know _everything_ about them!

Artemis: _Your_ haiku is 7-7-5. So, you clearly don't know everything. Or even the basics.

Apollo: You think my first line was _off_? That's ridiculous. I'm the god of -

Artemis: The god of bad haikus, yeah. The first line was seven syllables.

Apollo: It was _not_!

Artemis: Count them.

Apollo: Count what?

Artemis: The _syllables_.

Apollo: In the first line?

Artemis: _Yes_.

Apollo: Um...okay. Artemis - is - mistaken. That's...three?

Artemis: It's seven!

Apollo: No, because this is the first line, remember? Only five syllables.

Artemis: Yeah, but your first line was _seven_ syllables!

Apollo: It was _not_!

Artemis: Count them!

Apollo: Fine! Ar - t'mis - is - mista - ken. One, two, three, four, five. Happy?

Artemis: No! Ar - te - mis - is - mis - ta - ken. Seven!

Apollo: Ah, but it's not! It's only three words! Therefore, because of Murphy's law, it _cannot_ be seven syllables!

Artemis: _What?_ Murphy's law -

Apollo: Is demonstrated above.

Artemis: No! Last I checked, Murphy's law was about everything going wrong when it could, or something like that.

Athena: Murphy's law: the idea that everything that can go wrong will go wrong.

Apollo: No! Murphy's law: the idea that if there are three words, there cannot be a sum of seven syllables.

Artemis: Not!

Athena: Look it up.

Apollo: Fine!

Athena: We should have a trivia contest.

Hermes: For the mini-Olympics?

Athena: Isn't that what we were talking about?

Hermes: Well...yes.

Athena: We should have a trivia contest.

Hermes: You just said that.

Athena: Yes, but no one else responded.

Artemis: As long as we have an archery competition - which I will win - I'm fine with a trivia contest.

Hephaestus: Let's have a build-your-own-automaton contest!

Leo: Can I compete?

Hephaestus: Is this open for demigods?

Zeus: Sure.

Hephaestus: Then yeah, Leo.

Leo: I'm going to win.

Hephaestus: I don't agree.

Leo: Fine, I'm going to get second place.

Hephaestus: That's more like it.

Charles Beckendorf: Not if _I_ compete.

Leo: Oh yeah?

Becky: Yeah, I'll get second.

Leo: Haha.

Becky: Immature, Leo. Kindly fix my username.

Leo: Only if you don't compete. Haha! Now, you _must_ not compete, or forever more be signed on as "Becky"! Haha! Blackmail!

Charles Beckendorf: Leo, you're forgetting that I'm even more experienced than you. Even if I'm dead.

Leo: Oh...oh, yeah...

Poseidon: We should have a trident throwing competition!

Zeus: No! A zap-the-Poseidon competition!

Ares: No! No, no, no! We should have a battle! A jousting competition! A kill-the-Jackson competition!

Poseidon: Ares, I will not let you kill my son for the sake of a mini-Olympics.

Ares: But -

Poseidon: It's not going to happen.

Ares: Fine! We'll have sword fighting, javelin throwing, killing -

Artemis: Don't forget the archery!

Apollo: And the poetry!

Ares: Bah, the poetry! Archery? Ah...whatever, sure. Cowards, not actually running into the battle...

Athena: And the trivia.

Zeus: Okay, okay, so we've got out events. Now -

Demeter: Cereal tasting! Whoever can tell apart cheerios, apple jacks, fruit loops, and honey cheerios wins! Stuff like that!

Hades: Oh _Demeter_! Demeter wants to taste cereal? In a _mini-Olympics_? What is _wrong_ with you, Demeter?

Demeter: Nothing! Cereal tasting!

Hades: Cereal tasting is _not_ an event!

Demeter: Of course it is!

Hades: Cereal is disgusting!

Demeter: It's delicious!

Hades: Not! Not, not, not!

Demeter: How could you say that -

Hades: Cereal is disgusting!

Demeter: It's -

Zeus: Yes, yes, whatever. So, we'll have a trivia contest, an archery contest, a..._poetry_ contest -

Hermes: *Grumbles* Footracing?

Zeus: Be quiet, Hermes. So, a trivia contest, an archery contest, a...um, poetry contest - sorry, people - a footrace, a build-your-own-automaton contest, a trident throwing competition, a jousting competition, a javelin-throwing competition, a sword fight, and a...cereal tasting competition.

Hephaestus: As long as there's a build-your-own-automaton competition, I'm fine with there being a cereal tasting competition, and even a poetry contest.

Zeus: Um, good. So, is that it? Should we shut the forum down now?

Hephaestus: Yeah. Bye, guys, good luck next week.


	31. The Mini Olympics

**A/N: I don't own PJO.**

* * *

Last Week's Mini-Olympics: Last week, Olympus held a mini-Olympics, open to all gods, nymphs, and demigods.

* * *

Artemis: The archery was the _best_.

Apollo: Hey, the poetry contest was better.

Artemis: It was boring.

Apollo: Not boring! Nope! Nonono!

Artemis: It was _so_ boring.

Apollo: I won!

Artemis: You didn't win. Your son won, if I remember correctly.

Will Solace: I won. Sorry, Dad, but I won.

Apollo: My haiku was _great_, though!

Artemis: I heard it when you broadcasted it live to all of Olympus on the OlympusMegaPhones. It was _not_ a good haiku.

Apollo: Well, you must have heard another haiku. This was mine:

I am Apollo

I am the best haiku writer

I am awesome, yeah

Artemis: Exactly what I heard.

Apollo: And it's good, isn't it.

Artemis: The second line is eight syllables.

Apollo: Obviously you don't know this, as you aren't the god of awesome poetry, but the second line of all haikus is _seven_ syllables, Artemis. Not eight.

Artemis: Your second line was eight syllables.

Apollo: It was _not_!

Artemis: Count them.

Apollo: I - am - the - best - haiku - write - er. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

Artemis: "Haiku" is two syllables.

Apollo: I know.

Artemis: I - am - the - best - hai -ku - write - er. That's eight, not seven.

Apollo: Oh, well. Eight, then. Well, I got eight-ninth place!

Artemis: Out of eighty-nine.

Apollo: Grr. Well, it's not like you won the archery contest.

Artemis: Actually, I _did_ win.

Apollo: Fine. Go away. Leave me alone.

Aphrodite: omg da beuty pagant! hahahahahah! i won it im so exited i cant tink proprly!

Athena: Sorry?

Aphrodite: i one da beuty pagant! i one i one i one!

Athena: Sorry, could you please clear up your writing?

Aphrodite: bt i one!i one athena i one i rlly rlly one!

Athena: Please choose between English, Greek, Latin, French, Spanish, German, Russian, Polish, Arabic, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Albanian, Indian, Portuguese -

Hermes: Can you please not brag about the languages you've mastered? I'm still working on Spanish alone. _Hola, mi llamo Hermes. _

Mr. Spanish Teacher: Better, better.

Hermes: Why do you always appear whenever I say something in Spanish?

Mr. Spanish Teacher: I have secrets, Hermes. I have secrets...

Athena: Anyways, please write in any language other than gibberish.

Aphrodite: im speeking in inglish i am athena cuz i one the beuty pagant -

Athena: Not gibberish, Aphrodite. Didn't I already request that?

Hermes: I believe she's trying to say that she won the beauty pageant at the mini-Olympics.

Athena: There was a _beauty pageant_?

Hermes: This wasn't really a mini-Olympics. It was more like a series of varied competitions.

Percy Jackson: And it's not that surprising that she won...

Aphrodite: Awwww! _Soooo_ sweet, Percy!

Percy Jackson: No - not -

Aphrodite: It's fine, Percy, fine! We already knew -

Athena: Anyways, _I_ won the trivia contest.

Hermes: Well, I tried.

Athena: You didn't even make it to the third question, Hermes. "What was Olympian architect Orus Steud's debut sculpture of?"

Hermes: I didn't know who this Orus Steud guy was!

Athena: Son of Hephaestus. Born 1916. Died 1944, in the war. Became architect - slash - artist of Olympus in 1936.

Hermes: What sculpture was it?

Athena: The one of the Cyclops at the forge. Crafted in 1939, the year before he was drafted into the US army. Called "Cyclops at the Forge".

Hermes: Whatever. I didn't know! I only knew the first one, and that one was _really_ obvious. What are the names of Hermes's pet snakes? George and Martha. Almost unfair.

Athena: Whatever. I won. I correctly answered the question, "Who was the first ambrosia-a-la-cheese vendor in Italy?"

Demeter: I won the cereal tasting contest! I was able to tell apart natural and processed Raisin Bran!

Hermes: I can't believe I competed in that...

Demeter: You couldn't even tell apart mortal-brand Cheerios from OlympusNatural Cheerios! Or even Shredded Spoonfuls from Shredded Oats!

Hermes: Hey, I'm not a professional cereal taster.

Demeter: You made _that_ clear.

Aphrodite: And you _totally_ lost the beauty pageant.

Apollo: Well, I got second. Hahaha! Hermes tried to win? He tried to compare with me?

Ares: Excuse me, Apollo, _I_ was the first place male.

Aphrodite: I got ten votes, and I voted for Ares every time!

Ares: *Bows* Yes, I am great.

Apollo: Well, I got second.

Hermes: I got four hundredth...

Aphrodite: Too bad for you!

Ares: I totally won all of the fighting ones.

Hermes: My scars are still healing...

Athena: Actually, Ares, I won the javelin throwing.

Ares: Barely, but barely.

Artemis: I won the archery.

Ares: That's not battle!

Artemis: It is fighting. I have killed countless things with my bow.

Ares: Whatever.

Artemis: You didn't win _all_ of them.

Poseidon: I won the trident throwing competition!

Athena: I got second.

Poseidon: Well, _ha_, Athena! I beat you!

Athena: I've still beat you more often. Remember the Athens contest? _I_ won that easily.

Poseidon: Meanie.

Athena: I won it.

Hephaestus: I won the build-your-own-automaton competition!

Athena: I was second.

Leo: I was fourth!

Beckendorf: I was third.

Percy Jackson: How did _you_ get there, Beckendorf?

Beckendorf: I got a one-day release from the Underworld.

Leo: I built a dragon! Like Festus, but bigger!

Hephaestus: I built a whole robot house. Everything you need inside.

Percy Jackson: I saw that! Like Howl's Moving Castle.

Hephaestus: Excuse me?

Percy Jackson: Howl's Moving Castle! You know, that weird old movie with the castle with feet?

Hephaestus: My creation _hovers_. It does not have _feet_.

Percy Jackson: Oh...too bad.

Hermes: I got first in the footrace!

Percy Jackson: Congrats.

Artemis: I won in _my_ heat.

Percy Jackson: I _only_ came in tenth in my heat.

Hermes: Out of ten.

Percy Jackson: Well, yeah.

Zeus: I won the Almighty God of the Universe contest.

Poseidon: There was a -

Zeus: No.

Poseidon: Makes sense. If there was, _I_ would have won, of course.

Zeus: No! _I_ would've won!

Poseidon: I _hate_ to tell you the truth, but _I_ would've -

Hephaestus: Kindly stop your bickering.

Zeus: You -

Hephaestus: Ah, fine. I need to go anyways, so bye.

* * *

**A/N - So, we have, what 39 follows now? So, at least thirty-nine people are probably reading this, plus newcomers and anonymous viewers. In a perfect world, that would mean about fifty reviews per chapter. If you read this chapter, please, please review. A lot of work goes into each chapter, and I like feedback.**

**A big thank you to FireBird128, who reviewed every chapter, and also to fanofpjo, Jimanji the Dragon, and PianoPrincess for reviewing nearly every chapter. Also, thank you everyone who has reviewed any chapter.**


	32. Everyone Annoys Zeus

**A/N: I don't own PJO. Jimanji the Dragon owns this idea.**

* * *

Everyone Can Annoy Zeus: Yesterday, Lord Zeus announced that everyone on Olympus was capable of annoying him.

* * *

Zeus: I swear, it's true.

Demeter: Hey, guys, I'm selling free coupons here. For cereal. And I'd like to announce that tonight there's a big cereal all-you-can-eat banquet. It's in front of Hebe's temple.

Zeus: This proves my point.

Hebe: Wha - in front of _my_ temple? Why _my _temple? I'm still recovering from that time I had to turn half the gods on Olympus into weasels just to shut them up!

Demeter: Well, I'm sorry. But you have the biggest open area!

Hebe: Because youths love open areas!

Demeter: And they'll love my cereal banquet.

Hebe: You are _not_ having a cereal -

Zeus: You two are annoying me. Is that what you practice all day every day? Hmm? Is it?

Demeter: What? No!

Zeus: Well, you are quite skilled at it.

Demeter: *Pouts*

Hermes: Heyheyhey, guys! Today's the 40% discount on the Hire Hermes and Prank Lord Zeus project!

Zeus: Sorry?

Hermes: Any takers? Now only four drachma, 'cause I'm happy to -

Zeus: _Hermes_?

Hermes: Oh, you want to - erm, sorry, what?

Zeus: Something about -

Hermes: What - no! I'd never do that!

Zeus: Uh-huh.

Apollo: Hey, guess what!

My name's Apollo

I am the best haiku-er

I am so awesome!

Zeus: Please, no haikus.

Apollo: Oh, hi!

Hello, hi Lord Zeus!

How are you doing today?

Do you like haikus?

Zeus: No. I don't!

Apollo: Great!

Today is the day

To honor Apollo and

His awesome haikus

Zeus: Please, no more.

Apollo: Sorry, but I'm the god of poetry!

I am the god of

The best art ever, which is

Haikus

Zeus: Please. Please, no more haikus.

Apollo: They're good!

I am the god of

Haikus haikus yay yay yay!

Yay yay yay yay yay!

Artemis: Oh, man, seriously?

Zeus: No! NO! Might as well send me to Tartarus, Apollo!

Apollo: Ooh, Tartarus?

I know all about

Tartar - tartar - tartarus

Tartar - tartarus

Zeus: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

Apollo: Ooh!

Zeus is making weird

Sounds, must be because he's weird

He's so he's so weird

Zeus: Apollo, make a smart decision, and shut up.

Apollo: That's mean!

Zeus just told me to

Shut up, and that's not not nice

Not nice not not nice

Zeus: I'm steaming here, Apollo...

Apollo: Steaming?

Zeus is stea - steaming

He he is steaming steaming

He he is steaming

Artemis: Apollo, do you _want_ to get him mad?

Apollo: Mad?

Zeus is mad? He's mad?

I did not know Zeus was mad.

I did not not know

Artemis: Kindly shut up, Apollo.

Apollo: Ooh! Artemis said the SH word! Ooooooooh!

Artemis said a

Very very bad, bad word ooh ooh!

She said SH word!

Artemis: What the...

Apollo: Bad word!

Artemis said the

SH word she is a bad

Bad, bad, naughty girl!

Artemis: Apollo, you're being ridiculous!

Apollo: Because you cursed!

Artemis just cursed

At me she said a bad word

Oooh, she said a curse!

Artemis: You consider "shut up" a curse?

Apollo: Oooooh!

Artemis just said

The SH word yet again

Bad, bad, bad, bad girl!

Artemis: Go away.

Apollo: Meanie!

Artemis is a

Meanie, she is so, so mean

Told me "go away"

Artemis: *Rolls eyes*

Zeus: Gah! Hephaestus, remove Apollo from this discussion at once!

Hephaestus: Sorry?

Zeus: I _said_, cut Apollo's connection!

Hephaestus: Why?

Zeus: What did you just say?

Hephaestus: I asked why.

Zeus: Because I'm the Lord of the Sky!

Hephaestus: What's your point?

Zeus: My point is that when I tell you to kick Apollo off the forum, you obey me!

Hephaestus: Why do I obey you?

Zeus: Because I am the _ruler_ here!

Hephaestus: I'm the ruler of the forum, actually. You can't tell me what to do _here_. _I'm_ the boss here.

Zeus: gbjhkjhgdkud!

Apollo: :)

Zeus just got so mad

He banged on the keyboard, right?

Ha ha ha ha ha

Zeus: Hephaestus, I _order_ you to -

Hephaestus: Leave me alone, Zeus. I'm trying to ignore the sound of your voice.

Apollo: Ooh!

Hephaestus got _guts_

Zeus ordered him, he said no

But still, I'm more cool

Zeus: gnjmnsmennw!

Hera: Zeus, Betta ran away.

Zeus: Who?

Hera: Betta. The ostrich!

Zeus: Ohhhh...

Hera: The one you turned into an ostrich. The one you were _dating_. Remember? The one you thought I didn't see you transform?

Zeus: Mm? Betta ran away?

Hera: Yeah. Hey, Zeus, was she the one who was afraid of birds?

Zeus: Hmm? Yeah. Took her birding once, she freaked out. She totally freaked.

Hera: I'm getting a bird right now.

Zeus: What for?

Hera: To hunt her down and bring her back here alive, so I can torture her to death.

Zeus: Why? She's beautiful. She's beaaauuuuuuutiiifuullllllllll...

Hera: She's really going to regret having found _you_.

Zeus: I can't imagine why she'd regret it.

Hera: She will regret it.

Zeus: Hera, now's not the time to mess with me -

Hera: I'm going to have the bird cut her limbs off.

Zeus: Sorry?

Hera: It's going to peck her to death.

Zeus: Hera!

Hera: And then I'm going to cut her dead body into -

Zeus: Grr...Hera, you'd better not -

Hera: - chunks. And then -

Zeus: You're mean! Betta never did anything to you!

Hera: Mm-hmm. And then I'm going to feed the chunks to my peacocks.

Zeus: You -

Hera: And then we'll see how you react.

Zeus: So, it's all to annoy me?

Hera: Mm...yes.

Zeus: Gee, so _appreciative_, Hera.

Hera: Zeus, gimme some ambrosia.

Zeus: Uh...what?

Hera: Gimme ambrosia! Now!

Zeus: Why d'ya want ambrosia!

Hera: To eat! Ambrosia, didn't you hear me? NOW!

Zeus: See what I mean, people? _Crazy_!

Hera: Gimme ambrosia!

Zeus: Later!

Hera: Now! Ambrosia now!

Zeus: Gah! Fine! You're all proving my point!

Hera: Make sure the vendor roasts it with the barbecue first!

Zeus: Yeah, yeah, yeah! I'm off to serve Hera, looks like. _Bye_.

Athena: Um...

Apollo: Ooh!

Hera ordered Zeus

To get her ambrosia

She must be really hungry

Artemis: The last line was seven syllables!

Apollo: Sorry, Artemis, but the last line of a haiku is _always_ five syllables.

Artemis: Yeah, well your last line was seven

Apollo: She must be really hungry? Five, Artemis. Sorry, it's five. _Sorry_, you're wrong. HAHA! Ar-te-mis was wro-ong, Ar-te-mis was wro-ong! HAHA!

Artemis: Count the syllables, idiot, and you'll find that I'm right.

Apollo: She must be real hungry. One, two, three four, five.

Artemis: No! It's she - must - be - rea - lly - hun - gry. That's _seven_, genius.

Apollo: I'm a genius? Hey, guys, I'm a genius! A _genius_! Do I get an award? An award! Artemis's gonna give me a genius award!

Artemis: *Facepalm*

Hephaestus: I think we should shut this down before anything else...happens. Bye, guys.

* * *

**A/N: Note to PianoPrincess: Sure, you can to a story on the mini-Olympics.**


	33. Hermes Introduces Fanfiction

**A/N: I'm really sorry. I went away for a few weeks. I thought I'd be able to post this chapter before I left, but I wasn't able to.**

**I don't own PJO.**

* * *

Hermes Introduces Fanfiction: Last week, during the gods' annual meeting, Hermes persuaded the gods of Olympus to write for the mortal site of Fanfiction.

* * *

Hermes: This will be _awesome_.

Athena: Yes! Finally, you will be able to improve your terrible writing!

Hermes: Hey! That's not very nice.

Athena: It's true. I mean, just look at Aphrodite's casual writing.

Aphrodite: huhuhuh? srry athena what was taht?

Athena: See?

Aphrodite: see what? my riting? my riting is good. its good athna! dont critizese!

Athena: I can't even read that.

Hephaestus: I could install an Aphrodite-to-English translation. Or an Aphrodite-to-Greek.

Aphrodite: huhuhuhuh? u meen u cant undrstnd me? i rite well waht u talkn bout?

Athena: Can't you write _formally?_

Aphrodite: sure i can bt my kids tot me how ta rite dis way. its fatter n eeseer.

Hermes: *Giggles*. You do realize you called this _fatter_?

Aphrodite: ur ridicalis.

Hermes: Huh?

Hephastus: I've installed the Aphrodite-to-English translator!

Hermes: Aphrodite just called me "ridicalis". Any idea what that means?

Aphrodite: ur ridicalis ta say i sed it wuz fatr. i sed fastr! **(Auto-translate: You're ridiculous to say I said it was fatter. I said "faster"!**

Hermes: Ooooohhhhhh. Oh, okay. But I'm _not_ ridiculous. _You_ are, Aphrodite.

Aphrodite: tats ridicalis hrmes i sed fastr cuz it iz not fatr ur ridicalis **(Auto-translate: That's ridiculous, Hermes. I said "faster" because it is not fatter. You're ridiculous)**

Hermes: Whatever. Anyways, we're all now writing for fanfiction! Yay!

Aphrodite: watevr **(Auto-translate: Whatever.)**

Hephaestus: So, I made a mini-archive. It'll only show our stories. But we can still read other stories, and mortals can read _our_ stories.

Hermes: Great. Awesome. Do demigods' stories go in our archive?

Hephaestus: Yeah.

Percy Jackson: You mean, I can write stories about how much Ares - erm, never mind.

Ares: I dare you to say it, punk! _Then_ we'll see how high and mighty you are!

Percy Jackson: All right, all right, calm down...

Ares: Did you just tell me to _calm down_?

Percy Jackson: Um...maybe?

Ares: Punk, watch it, or you'll end up a Jackson stew.

Percy Jackson: Got it. Thanks for the warning.

Hermes: Back to the point!

Apollo: What point?

Hermes: Fanfiction!

Apollo: Oh, yeah. Oh, oh yeah. Fanny fiction. Fan - fic - tee - ohn.

Hermes: Uh...yeah.

Apollo: So, what about it?

Hermes: I dunno...any questions?

Apollo: Yeah. *Raises hand*

Hermes: Any questions, guys?

Apollo: I'm raising my hand, Hermes.

Hermes: Um, why?

Apollo: Because I have a question.

Hermes: So, why're you raising your hand?

Apollo: Because I have a _question_.

Hermes: But _why are you raising your hand_?

Apollo: I just said it twice.

Hermes: Said what twice?

Apollo: Why I'm raising my hand.

Hermes: No, you didn't.

Apollo: Actually, I did.

Hermes: Well, tell me again. Why are you raising your hand?

Apollo: Because I have a question!

Hermes: But...why raise your hand?

Apollo: You are seriously annoying me. I'm raising my hand because I have a _question_, okay?

Hermes: I got _that. My_ question was, what does raising your hand have to do with anything?

Apollo: Um, it means I have a question. Haven't you gotten that by now?

Hermes: Yeah, but what does raising your hand -

Apollo: It's a time honored way of showing you have something to say.

Hermes: *Raises hand*

Apollo: Yeah?

Hermes: So, I can say what I want to say now?

Apollo: Yeah, sure.

Hermes: What's your question?

Apollo: Uh...I forget.

Hermes: *Raises hand*

Apollo: Yes?

Hermes: So, I went through all of that, and you didn't even have a question to ask?

Apollo: No, I _had_ a question, but I forgot it.

Hermes: *Raises hand*

Apollo: What?

Hermes: You guys need to think up usernames.

Dionysus: Usernames?

Hermes: *Raises hand*

Dionysus: Just _answer_ already. No need to raise your hand.

Hermes: Um, right. So, my username is _UltimatePrankster_. It's what I'll go by.

Apollo: Oh, so I could be...AwesomerThanTheSun?

Athena: _Awesomer_? That's not a word.

Apollo: Now it is.

Artemis: I think I'll be _Moonlight Arrow_. It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

Thalia Grace: It does. What should I be?

Percy Jackson: Pinecone Face.

Thalia Grace: Seriously, Seaweed Brain, what should I be?

Percy Jackson: I'll be Seaweed Brain if you're Pinecone Face, and if Annabeth is Wise Girl.

Annabeth Chase: Are you serious?

Percy Jackson: Totally, Wise Girl.

Annabeth Chase: Fine,_ Seaweed Brain_.

Percy Jackson: You will be?

Annabeth Chase: You'd better call yourself Seaweed Brain, then.

Percy Jackson: Only as a username. Thalia?

Thalia Grace: You annoy me.

Percy Jackson: Thank you.

Thalia Grace: It wasn't a compliment.

Percy Jackson: I know.

Thalia Grace: Whatever, Seaweed Brain.

Percy Jackson: I guess that's a yes.

Hephaestus: I guess I'll be _MasteroftheForges_.

Ares: Heeey Aphrodite, whaddaya think of ToughGuy? My username?

Aphrodite: I love it! What should I be?

Ares: ThePrettiest.

Aphrodite: I know, I _know_! I am!

Hephaestus: I say we discuss the rest of the usernames later. Right now, I think it's time to shut this forum down.

Athena: Agreed. I have things to do.

Hephaestus: Bye, guys, keep working on creating _good_ usernames.

* * *

**A/N - I've started another story about the gods writing stories on FanFiction. Please check it out.**


	34. Aphrodite Gains Weight

**A/N - Idea credit goes to Daughter of Khione.**

* * *

Aphrodite Gains Weight: As of last Sunday, Aphrodite has been gaining weight rapidly. The goddess blames Hermes.

* * *

Aphrodite: HERMESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Hermes: I like the S's. There're...twenty? SSSSSSSS!

Martha: _Sounds like a snake._

George:_ It does. What does a rat sound like?_

Martha: _Squeak squeak squeak?_

George: _Hey Aphrodite, maybe do a squeak? I'm hungry. Or maybe you could donate a rat to the GeorgeIsHungry fund? _

Aphrodite: HERMES, SHUT YR SNAYKS UP

Hermes: No need for caps lock.

George: _Yeah, lady, no need for caps lock... But yes need for snakes! The GeorgeIsHungry fund needs some participants._

Martha: _Don't be rude, George._

George: _Why not? I'm hungry._

Aphrodite: IT WAS HRMES! ZUES HE GAYV ME EETABLZ

Hermes: Does anyone know what an _eetablz_ is?

Martha: _Maybe she means _eatables_. Maybe they should install the Aphrodite-to-English translator again._

George: _Maybe all of Olympus should donate to the GeorgeIsHungry fund._

Hermes: The what?

George: _The GeorgeIsHungry fund. Do _you_ have any donations?_

Hermes: Donations?

George: _Rats._

Hermes: Not right now.

Aphrodite: HRMS HOW CULD YOU IM THA GODIS OF BEUTY YOU MAYD ME FFFFFFF...FFF...FFFAAA...

Hermes: Fat? Weren't you always?

Aphrodite: HHHHEERRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSS!

Hermes: I'm afraid she's a bit...traumatized.

Aphrodite: BECUZ U MAYD ME EET THINGZ THAT MAYD ME...FAT!

Hermes: *Giggles*

Athena: So it _was_ you.

Artemis: Are you surprised?

Athena: Not really.

Artemis: Aren't men immature?

Athena: Yes. Hermes especially.

Artemis: And Apollo.

Apollo: I will express my anger in a haiku! Yay!

Did you just call me

_Immature_? But I am _so_

Mature, sis _you're_ not

Artemis: Learn to make a _good_ haiku, please.

Apollo: Grr.

Sis, that was a good

Haiku how could you say that

It was not so good?

Artemis: Hmm, let me think... Because it _wasn't._

Apollo: But -

Hephaestus: No more haikus.

Apollo: But -

Hephaestus: Or I'll cut your connection.

Apollo: But -

Hermes: Cut his connection? Oh - Internet. Hahaha! Do it! Do it! Ban him!

Apollo: But -

Hermes: Or maybe I'll -

**(Error. Page not found. No service. Your computer is no longer connected to OlympusNet.)**

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Hephaestus: Really, Hermes?

Hermes: What?

Hephaestus: Disconnecting the OlympusNet.

Hermes: Oh, yeah, sorry...wait, how is it back?

Hephaestus: Unfortunately for you, I know how to deal with Internet and Internet access failures.

Hermes: Oh...

Athena: Speaking of men acting immaturely...

Artemis: Can someone cut Apollo's Internet?

Hephaestus: With pleasure.

Apollo: Hey, wait a moment, you can't just

Hephaestus: Actually, I can. Hermes, did you really give Aphrodite eatables to make her gain weight?

Hermes: Why would I do that?

Aphrodite: BECUZ YER HRMS AND U LIEK PLAYNG PRANX AN THATS MEAN LUK WAT UVE DUN TO ME HRMES!

Martha: _Please, enough with the caps lock._

George: _Yes, you're giving me a headache. And it's worse, because I'm hungry, and my head hurt _before_ you started...hint hint...rats?_

Martha: _Hermes, you _did_ give her the eatables, you should just admit it._

Hermes: No! Don't tell -

Zeus: Hermes, did you really -

Hermes: George, Martha! Say I didn't!

Martha: _He wants me to say he didn't._

Zeus: But he did?

Martha: _If I say he did, he'll - _

Hermes: I'll give you both a rat - um, George and Martha, not you, Zeus - if you tell him I didn't!

George: _I didn't._

Hermes: Hermes did not give Aphrodite eatables!

George: _Hermes did not give Aphrodite eatables._

Martha: _Hermes did not give Aphrodite eatables._

**(Alert. An entry with the same content has already been posted.)**

Martha: _Fine, I'll say it again. Hermes did not give Aphrodite eatables._

Zeus: Bribing your snakes does not make them witnesses.

Hermes: I didn't give her the eatables!

Zeus: You did.

Hermes: I would never -

Zeus: Yet you did.

Aphrodite: HE DID ZUES HE GAVE ME THEM AN MAYD ME EET THEM

Zeus: The only valid witnesses testify against you, Hermes.

Hermes: I never did anything to her!

Zeus: Swear on the River Styx.

Hermes: Uh...

Hephaestus: I'm going to close this discussion before anything happens.


	35. Leo Blows up a Cabin

**A/N - I have three things to say before the chapter (not including this):**

**1- FireBird128 is doing a SYOT, and there are still a bunch of spots open. I don't think I mentioned this before, even though the request was a while ago. Oh, well.**

**2- This idea belongs to ShadowFallen12.**

**3- If you haven't gotten it by now, I don't own PJO.**

* * *

Leo Valdez Burns Down a Cabin at Camp Half-Blood; Leo Valdez, demigod son of Hermes, burned down Aphrodite's cabin at Camp Half-Blood.

* * *

Drew Tanaka: Now, thanks to that son-of-a-Hephaestus, we have to sleep in the Big House! He'd better build it again by next week!

Leo: I'd better what?

Drew Tanaka: Get building! Find some pink stone and build our cabin!

Leo: Magic word?

Drew Tanaka: I don't need to give you any _magic word_. You burned down our cabin!

Leo: Hmm. Too bad.

Hephaestus: Whoa, Leo. You burned down the Aphrodite cabin?

Leo: Yeah...

Hermes: Awesome! You should burn down the Demeter cabin, too!

Demeter: Hey! Leo, either burn down the Hermes cabin...or Hades's.

Hades: Oh, joy. I finally get a cabin for my kids at Camp Half-Blood, and now they're asking for it to be burned down. Really, Demeter?

Demeter: Kidnapper!

Hades: Sorry?

Demeter: You are a _kidnapper_!

Hades: Don't remember ever kidnapping anyone. Sorry.

Percy Jackson: Hey, you kidnapped my mom.

Demeter: And remember Persephone? P - E - R - S - E - P - H - O - N - E. Remember?

Hades: Oh... Hey, that was, like, two millennia ago. Old stuff. No reason to trouble yourself with it nowadays. This is the 21st century. Persephone's happily waiting to come down to the Underworld to spend a few nice months with yours truly.

Demeter: Oh, I'm sure she's _happily waiting_. Leo, burn down his cabin!

Apollo: Leo, I have a request.

Please burn down the

Cabin of Artemis now

Please please please please

Artemis: Oh really? I thought we weren't... _Nice haiku_, Apollo.

Apollo: Thank you. It's one of my best, I think.

Artemis: I was being _sarcastic. _It's one of the worst haikus I've ever heard. The first line is four syllables. So is the last.

Apollo: No. Haikus don't work like that, Artemis. Listen to the expert -

Artemis: Can you count?

Apollo: Of course.

Artemis: Count the syllables.

Apollo: Uh... 'Kay, it's five-seven-five. I was right.

Artemis: You made it four-seven-four.

Apollo: Well, I'm the god of poetry, so if I say it's five-seven-five, it's five-seven-five.

Artemis: ...

Apollo: She's actually speechless. _Haha! I made her speechless!_

Artemis: No, you didn't. Leo, kindly burn down Apollo's cabin.

Leo: _Kindly_? Guys, they goddess who hates boys is being _kind_ to me!

Artemis: And then they wonder why I can't stand them...

Aphrodite: Guys, I know why he burned the cabin down!

Leo: Ah, you're not mad? ...

Aphrodite: Of course not! I'll admit, I was annoyed at first - who can blame me? - but now I see your true intentions.

Leo: Haha. Sure you do.

Drew Tanaka: How are you not _mad_, Mom? He burned down our cabin! Hades, he almost burned through my suitcase! My pink frill dress will never be the same! It has scorch marks and everything! And my yellow prom dress was hanging up, drying! He burned it down!

Aphrodite: You should be flattered! He burned it down because he likes you!

Drew Tanaka: ...

Leo: ...

Piper McLean: ...

Hephaestus: ...

Leo: ...?

Hephaestus: ?

Athena: Proper writing, please, people. Punctuation isn't very expressive.

Hephaestus: Sorry, it's just that Aphrodite just...said...

Aphrodite: It's true! Isn't it, Leo. Tell us.

Leo: It's...not...

Aphrodite: Aw, come on, Leo, you can tell us. You like Drew?

Piper McLean: That would be a sign of...questionable taste.

Leo: Trust me, I don't.

Hephaestus: Good... erm, I mean, that's too bad, Aphrodite...

Aphrodite: It's okay, we all know the _truth_.

Leo: There isn't any _truth_! None beyond what I've already said!

Aphrodite: Just say it, Leo.

Leo: Leave me alone, or I'll burn your cabin down again.

Aphrodite: We all know it's just so you can get their attention, Leo.

Leo: This isn't fair!

Aphrodite: Life isn't fair! That's why you have to make grabs while you can.

Leo: You're disturbing me.

Demeter: Burn down Hades's cabin!

Hades: Burn down Demeter's.

Poseidon: Burn down Athena's!

Athena: Peace, people! Leo Valdez, do not burn any more cabins.

Leo: Mm-hmm.

Athena: I'm serious. I am always serious.

Leo: Okay, okay!

Athena: Or you'll find your own cabin in flames.

Hephaestus: Uh, okay, before we get any more threats like that, I'm going to shut this forum down. Cool? Okay.

* * *

**A/N - What did you think? Any story ideas? **


	36. Fanfiction Creates Leyna

**A/N - Thanks you, The Jimanji, for this awesome idea.**

* * *

Fanfiction Creates Leyna: The mortals of Fanfiction have written about the pairing of and love between Leo Valdez, demigod son of Hephaestus, and Reyna, demigod daughter of Bellona.

* * *

Reyna: What - _WHAT?_

Leo: Oh, ooh, man.

Reyna: Shut _up!_ Who - who wrote this..._thing_?

Leo: Hey, this really isn't that bad of a scenario...

Reyna: _What?_

Leo: Um...nothing?

Reyna: _Who wrote this article_?

Leo: No idea. I'm guessing...Aphrodite?

Aphrodite: Wrong! But yes, it was my son. I'm so proud of him! He's truly following me on wonderful paths!

Reyna: _Wonderful_? This article, it says... It says that I'm _in love_ with some dirty son of Hephaestus! How - who could ever think that I -

Leo: Whoa, hang on there. _Dirty son of Hephaestus_?

Reyna: Yes! Since when am I _in love_ with this boy?

Leo: Since this article?

Reyna: I am _not_ -

Aphrodite: You can admit it, Reyna! Everyone knows -

Reyna: Oh, so you've been feeding the public lies about me for some time?

Aphrodite: Lies? What lies? And I wasn't the one who wrote this article.

Reyna: Maybe not, but you _support_ it. You believe in...what's it called? Leyna. I _cannot_ believe that -

Hylla: Wow, Reyna, really?

Reyna: Don't believe everything you read, Hylla.

Hylla: No, but the idea is funny. You stooping down to his level.

Leo: You mean, her _reaching up_ to my level.

Reyna: _This is not funny_.

Hylla: Actually, it sort of is.

Reyna: Hylla, some kid of Aphrodite wrote an article about _me_ and this...

Leo: Mechanical genius?

Reyna: ...me and this _dirty son of a Hephaestus_.

Leo: Dirty son of a Hephaestus?

Reyna: Yes.

Leo: That's not very nice.

Reyna: Oh, but it's _nice_ of this kid to write libel about me and some son of Hephaestus?

Leo: _Some_ son of Hephaestus? Not just _some _son of Hephaestus. _The_ son of Hephaestus.

Reyna: That's not the point!

Leo: It's...not? Oh, good. Because it was an insult.

Reyna: An _insult_? That by no means compares to the _insult_ written by Aphrodite's son.

Aphrodite: Insult? It was a beautiful article, not an insult.

Reyna: A _beautiful article_? How -

Hermes: Haha! Aphrodite, your son was on Fanfiction?

Aphrodite: He got an account, just as we all did!

Hermes: Woo-hoo! I never thought the spirit would travel to so many demigods as well as gods!

Aphrodite: I can't wait to see what he writes about!

Reyna: Well, tell him this: if he writes _one word_ about me, I'll find him.

Leo: Ooh, scary.

Reyna: _Shut up_.

Leo: Okay. I'm _terrified_, so I'll obey.

Reyna: I'm seriously considering calling Octavian to use you as his next sacrifice. And that's if I can't gut you myself.

Leo: Whoa, whoa, calm down.

Reyna: _Calm down_?

Leo: Um...yes?

Reyna: Don't tell me to _calm down_. I have perfect reason to _not_ be calm.

Hylla: I must agree.

Leo: Hey, weren't you just on my side?

Hylla: On..._what_?

Leo: Um, before, it seemed like you were on my side...sort of.

Hylla: Why would I be on your side?

Leo: Um... I don't know, it just seemed like you were.

Hylla: I was never on your side. Just because I was teasing my sister doesn't mean I was on _your_ side.

Leo: Oh.

Aphrodite: Ooh! Maybe we should do Hyllo!

Hylla: It's _Hylla_, actually.

Aphrodite: No, not your name. It could also be Lella, I suppose... No, that's bad. Hyllo's better.

Hylla: Sorry?

Athena: She's trying to find a portmanteau.

Hylla: What for?

Leo: Portmanteau? What?

Hylla: It means a combination of words. Whyever Aphrodite's trying to combine our, names, though, I don't know.

Aphrodite: Hyllo's good.

Hylla: What?

Aphrodite: You and Leo! Excellent pairing, wouldn't you agree?

Hylla: Me and...Leo? You're crazy. How could you actually think -

Aphrodite: _Intelligent_ is the word, actually.

Athena: *Snorts*

Aphrodite: What? You don't think I'm intelligent?

Athena: Not really.

Aphrodite: That's not very nice.

Athena: It's the truth. Would you prefer I lied and said you were intelligent?

Aphrodite: ...Lied?

Athena: _Yes_. You know the meaning of the word?

Aphrodite: I think.

Athena: Would you prefer I lied and said you were intelligent?

Aphrodite: Intelligent? Like, smart?

Athena: _Yes_. Would you prefer that?

Aphrodite: I would, yeah.

Athena: *Rolls eyes* Figures.

Aphrodite: I'm, like, the smartest goddess. No contest.

Athena: Uh-huh. Sure.

Aphrodite: Well, I _did_ realize that Reyna and Hylla would both be _great_ with Leo Valdez.

Reyna: I am _not_ with Leo, and I would not _be great_ with him! You have no brain if you really think -

Aphrodite: Watch it. I can screw up your life.

Hylla: Still, Aphrodite, I have to say that I have _no intention_ of dating Leo. And I don't think Reyna does, either.

Aphrodite: But..._Leyna_! I love it! And Hyllo, too!

Hylla: Oh, shut up.

Aphrodite: You can't tell me to.

Hylla: Go away, then.

Aphrodite: But -

Reyna: I've really had enough of this.

Hephaestus: Me, too. I'm going to shut the forum down now.


	37. Octavian Butchers a Stuffed Princess

**A/N: Thank you, my anonymous reviewer DeathPrincess, for this idea. Now we get to make fun of Octavian!**

* * *

Octavian Butchers a Stuffed Princess Doll: Yesterday, Octavian, augur of Camp Jupiter, sacrificed a stuffed princess doll.

* * *

Hazel: Wow, Octavian, really?

Octavian: My supplies had run short.

Hazel: Oh, so you only butchered the princess because you couldn't butcher anything else? You were that fond of her?

Octavian: I was asking where I would get more sacrificial offerings.

Hazel: Because you _hated_ to sacrifice your favorite stuffy.

Octavian: It wasn't my _favorite stuffy_.

Leo: Ooh! Do you sleep with it every night?

Octavian: It's ashes and bits of fluff now, remember?

Leo: Well, I think you _used_ to cuddle with it every night. That explains why you put off butchering it until now!

Octavian: I had other options!

Reyna: And you didn't want to cut open the princess unless you absolutely had to.

Octavian: I thought you were on my side!

Reyna: If I were on your side, I would have supported your tries to become the other praetor when I was alone.

Octavia: I'd make a _great_ praetor, Reyna. You should have given me a chance.

Hazel: That was you, Leo, wasn't it.

Leo: Maybe.

Octavia: What?

Hazel: Oh, -

Leo: Nothing.

Octavia: I'm suspicious.

Leo: Of course you are, _Octavia_.

Octavia: Actually, it's _Octavian_. Octavia's a girl's name. My aunt's big sister, actually.

Reyna: Oh - man - this is awesome.

Octavia: What? As I was saying, Octavia's a girl's name, and not _my_ name.

Leo: Actually...

Octavia: _What_?

Leo: Check out your username.

Octavia: What... Oh. Man. I didn't change it, I know that. Something happened.

Leo: Some genius must have hacked your account.

Octavia: _Who_?

Leo: A genius.

Octavia: How do you switch this thing?

Leo: No idea.

Octavia: Are you or are you not the son of Vulcan?

Leo: Hephaestus, you mean?

Octavia: Whatever! Change it!

Leo: Aww, fine...

Octavian: _Change it_!

Leo: I just _did_.

Octavian: Oh, so you _can_ change other peoples' usernames. What, you hacked my account?

Leo: *Bows*

Octavian: It _was_ you! How _dare_ you invade my account and change my username! Praetor Reyna, did you read this? Leo Valdez -

Reyna: Yeah, I read it.

Octavian: Well? _Do_ something! Are you a Praetor or not?

Reyna: I am. And personally, I'm finding this hilarious.

Octavian: _What_? You're finding Leo Valdez's insubordination _hilarious_?

Reyna: Insubordination?

Octavian: Don't tell me you don't know what it means. Praetor Reyna, not knowing the meaning of a word? Well, really, I wouldn't be surprised, after -

Reyna: Frankly, I consider _this_ insubordination.

Octavian: What, _me_?

Reyna: Yes.

Octavian: But I'm, like, your most loyal -

Reyna: I must disagree.

Octavian: What?

Reyna: I don't find you _loyal_.

Octavian: But...why not?

Reyna: Remember Gwen? And _turning against_ the praetor?

Octavian: I never turned against you! And Gwen's alive again.

Reyna: But you killed her.

Octavian: What makes you think _I'm_ the one who killed her?

Reyna: All the evidence points toward you.

Octavian: What evidence?

Reyna: Well, first the fact that she beat you in the war games. And also the fact that she still had the weapon in her back, which said your cohort on it, and _you_ were the only one in your cohort without a weapon.

Octavian: That's not enough evidence.

Reyna: It's more than enough evidence.

Octavian: It -

Percy Jackson: Whoa, Octavian, you used a _princess doll_?

Octavian: It was the only one I had! People hadn't been donating enough stuffed animals.

Leo: He only used this one because he had no other options. Did you know he loves princess dolls, Percy? He cuddles this one. It's his favorite stuffy!

Octavia: I don't _cuddle_ it! And it's not my _favorite stuffy_.

Percy Jackson: Well, I happen to believe Leo more than I believe you, Octavia.

Octavia: It's _Octavian_, actually.

Percy Jackson: Not any more.

Octavia: Wait, did he change my username _again_?

Leo: Tee hee hee.

Octavia: Change it back!

Leo: Say please.

Octavia: No! I won't say _please_, you -

Leo: I'm not going to fix it if you don't ask me nicely.

Octavia: Fine! _Please_!

Leo: Mm.

Octavia: Change it.

Leo: After you admit that the princess was your favorite, and you _hated_ to butcher it, but you had no choice. It was your favorite stuffy.

Octavia: But..._no_!

Leo: Yes.

Octavia: But it's a lie!

Leo: Oh, like you aren't a liar.

Octavia: I'm not! I never have been!

Leo: That's a lie right there.

Octavia: I'm not going to say it.

Leo: Then you will remain Octavia forevermore.

Hermes: Ah, blackmail. You should have been my son.

Hephaestus: Don't you know how to change your own username, Octavian?

Leo: _Octavia_.

Octavia: No! How do you?

Hephaestus: You have to hack into the system, and -

Leo: Don't tell him!

Hephaestus: Okay, okay.

Octavia: What? How do you hack into the system? Tell me, please!

Leo: Oh my gods. He said the P word!

Octavia: You're immature. Change my username back!

Leo: Say it.

Octavia: It!

Leo: No, admit what I told you to admit in post...83.

Octavia: Where's post 83?

Leo: I'm afraid you'll have to count.

Octavia: Grr. Not necessary, I know what you're talking about.

Leo: So, admit it.

Octavia: Swear on the River Tiber.

Hazel: He's not bound to that. Try _Styx_.

Octavia: I prefer Tiber, even if it's not the official. But fine. Swear on the River Styx to change my username.

Leo: Fine, I swear on the River Styx to change your username if you admit what I asked you to admit in post 83.

Octavia: Okay, fine. _This was a dare, people_. Uh, the princess doll was the best, and I only cut it open because it was my only choice. It was, uh, my favorite stuffy.

Leo: Heeheehee.

Octavia: Change my username!

Leo: Okay.

Teddy Bear's Worst Nightmare: Did you change it?

Leo: Yeah.

Hazel: Wow, Leo.

Leo: Awesome, right?

Teddy Bear's Worst Nightmare: What did you do? Wait...you said you'd change my username back!

Leo: I _did_ change it.

Teddy Bear's Worst Nightmare: You said you'd change it back to _Octavian_!

Leo: That I did not promise. I just said I'd _change_ it. No specifics.

Teddy Bear's Worst Nightmare: jhuyjmkjk!

Hephaestus: Oh, great, Leo. I'm going to shut this down before he does something.


	38. Fanfiction Creates Thalico

**A/N: So, an article about Thalico, as requested by Castaway43. I don't own PJO. If I did, I wouldn't be writing on this fandom...**

**I believe it was my awesome reviewer The Jimanji who won the 200th Reviewer contest. Thanks! **

**In this chapter, Hades is...weird. For clarification, read chapter five of my other story, The Gods Discover Fanfiction.**

* * *

Fanfiction Creates Thalico: On Fanfiction, mortals have written about the pairing of Thalia Grace, demigod daughter of Zeus and lieutenant of Artemis, and Nico di Angelo, demigod son of Hades.

* * *

Artemis: _WHAT?_ Thalia is a _Hunter_! She knows not to - Thalia, is this true?

Thalia Grace: No, it is not. Don't believe a word of it.

Artemis: Oh, good. But who...Aphrodite.

Aphrodite: yes?

Artemis: You wrote this.

Aphrodite: i did. its grate rite?

Artemis: It is _not_! I will turn you into a jackalope!

Aphrodite: no achually u wont i tuk sum uv hrmez pil thigs.

Artemis: jhbnjmgc! Hermes and his stupid multivitamins!

Hermes: They aren't _stupid_! They've saved lives -

Hades: _What_? First they pair Nico with Perseus Jackson, and now with Thalia Grace?

Aphrodite: oh yes Perco! i shud _totaly_ rite about that next!

Hades: _No_! Not Perco! Nico is _so_ too good for Percy!

Percy Jackson: Hey! I'm -

Hades: Oh, you _want_ to date my son?

Percy Jackson: _No_!

Nico di Angelo: Why are people so insistent on putting me in relationships? Can't they see I don't want to be in one?

Thalia Grace: No, they can't. If they could, they wouldn't have said that we should marry. No offense, Nico, but that's _never_ happening.

Nico di Angelo: I just said I didn't want it to!

Thalia Grace: Good. So no one will be disappointed.

Nico di Angelo: No, I bet the mortals that started it will be quite disappointed.

Thalia Grace: Good point. But really, I don't care what they think. Clearly, their brains are weird. If they have any at all, that is.

Nico di Angelo: And Aphrodite will be disappointed, of course.

Thalia Grace: Good. She deserves it. She wrote this article, did she not?

Nico di Angelo: She did.

Aphrodite: uv CORS i rote dis articl. it wuz grate. mortlz all luv thalico. LUV!

Nico di Angelo: At least the mortals are better than Aphrodite.

Thalia Grace: I'd love to agree, but if they were smart, they'd realize that they'll only make us mad by writing weird stories about impossible pairings.

Nico di Angelo: You have a point.

Thalia Grace: I do.

Aphrodite: noooo no no no i hav a point not u thalicoz amazig!

Thalia Grace: I think she's drunk. Doesn't she know how to spell?

Percy Jackson: Well, _I_ don't but Leo's installed this genius auto spell-check thingie.

Annabeth Chase: But "thingie" isn't a word, so he had to program that into the software. So it doesn't bother him about that now.

Leo: I'm amazing, aren't I. Did it to mine, too. Aphrodite, I'll install the spell check for a fee of one hundred gold drachmas...

Aphrodite: wuts a spel chek? i dont nede my spelig chekt. its prfict. wutr u tokking abaut?

Leo: Oh my gods, you _totally_ need the spell check.

Aphrodite: i du NOT! u nede to get teh compyutr tu recogniz thalico as a wrd. kay?

Thalia Grace: It is _not_ a word! And it isn't real, anyways!

Aphrodite: It is _so_ real!

Leo: Look, Aphrodite, I just gave you a taste of spell check. Nice, isn't it? Consider my request...

Aphrodite: wut? i dont like it. not fun!

Leo: Whatever.

Aphrodite: thalico! thalico! thalico! thalicothalicothalicothalicothalicothalicothalico -

Nico di Angelo: _Shut up_.

Aphrodite: Aww...why?

Nico di Angelo: Because it's annoying.

Aphrodite: tu bad.

Nico di Angelo: I'm tempted to call on Leo for some of his...magic.

Leo: Magic? Oh...favors. Heehee. Okay, Nico.

Nico di Angelo: Thanks.

Leo: No problem. Wait...aha, got it.

Ugliest: u tu r acting sispishis.

Leo: Suspicious, you mean? Heeheehee.

Ugliest: wut - wuttid u do? evil litl boy! im not ugly im da prityist godis evr!

Leo: Clearly not.

Ugliest: chage my uzrnaym bak!

Leo: Hmm... Twenty golden drachmas for the change in username.

Thalia Grace: Don't forget to make her admit that Thalico isn't real. She just made it up.

Ugliest: hay i didnt mayk it up. da mortlz did dey rote about it on fanfikchin.

Hermes: _Fanfiction_.

Ugliest: wutevr

Athena: _Whatever_.

Ugliest: i dont need peepl crecting me

Athena: Then write in proper English.

Nico di Angelo: I like your new username, Ugliest.

Ugliest: im NOT da uglyist! mayk leo chage it bak!

Nico di Angelo: First admit that Thalico is false.

Ugliest: sware on da rivr stiks dat yull chage my uzrnaym back

Leo: I swear.

Ugliest: on da rivr stiks!

Leo: I swear on the River Styx to change your username back.

Thalia Grace: If you admit that Thalico isn't real.

Ugliest: it IZ reel! but fine, it iznt reel, now chage my uzrnaym back!

Thalia Grace: Repeat after me: _Thalico isn't real. It's a lie. I was silly to have believed it._

Ugliest: i alredy sed it!

Nico di Angelo: With good writing. Word for word.

Ugliest: no!

Leo: Fine. You can stay "Ugliest" for all I care.

Ugliest: Fine!

Nico di Angelo: Remember: proper English. Word for word.

Ugliest: fine fine! Thalico isn't real. It's a lie. I was silly to have believed it. hapy now?

Nico di Angelo: Yes. Thank you.

Thalia Grace: _Finally_.

Artemis: I'm still going to turn you into a jackalope as soon as those cursed multivitamins wear off.

Aphrodite: but -

Hephaestus: Okay, ladies, no need for that. I'm shutting this forum down. _Peace_, people.

* * *

**A/N: Yay, the Sea of Monsters came out yesterday! It'd better be better than the first. The reviews say it is, apparently, but they didn't say it was that great...**

**If you've read the Hunger Games, please vote on the poll on my profile page.**

**So, in a few days I'm going away, and I won't be able to update for two or three weeks. **


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